Journalist Wendy Sifret is sure: to insist that any woman is beautiful is ridiculous. And sometimes even insulting.
I’m tired of ads that tell me «Feel pretty». Or (worse still): «You are beautiful.» Annoying is the fact that its creators are sure that all women in the world are worried about their appearance and crave to be constantly reminded that they are beautiful. For example, I do not consider myself a beauty — and I say this without a hint of self-pity.
- Am I beautiful or ordinary?
Do not misunderstand me. I do not suffer from low self-esteem and do not hate my own appearance. I am satisfied with myself, my life, I love my body and face — but I am not a beauty. I know that I am smart, friendly, that I have a lot of amazing qualities, and every day I hear words of gratitude from others. But then again, I’m not a fragile maiden, not an Amazon, not a starlet, or something in between these three. I’m just a happy ordinary woman, like millions. And the word I want to emphasize is happy, not ordinary.
Meanwhile, pop culture and advertising are trying hard to convince us that we are not who we are. Personally, this offends me, because it suggests that I am thirsty at all costs to be beautiful, without beauty I am unhappy. In fact, a beautiful appearance is the last thing I think about among everyday problems. And when I notice how again and again advertising returns to this topic, I get bored and I ask myself — do we women really seem so one-dimensional from the outside? Advertising aimed at a male audience plays on the desire to be strong, command respect and even fear. We are told only about how to narrow the pores on the face and make the look more expressive.
- How to talk to little girls
I don’t have anything against cosmetic ads — as long as they don’t use photoshop. I can’t say that I find 19-year-old girls repulsive trying to sell me everything. I understand why Clinique ads feature a slim young model, and I don’t expect to see my own reflection there. I do not insist that Lancome choose a model with the same thick lenses as my glasses, the Pantene manager fought to have the same thin hair as me in the ads, and the Agent Provocateur designer insisted on similar to my short legs. These people are doing their job — selling a dream.
I just don’t like it when advertising tries to enter my life and my mind. Pretending to know me and my pain points. I don’t want them to assume the pose of a knowing friend who loves me but also wants to fix me and keeps telling me what I’m doing wrong. To insist that every woman is beautiful when in fact she is not is not comforting. If a stranger comes up to me on the street and expresses admiration for my spoken Korean (FYI, I’m hopelessly monolingual), I’ll think he or she’s out of my mind. So why should I throw myself into the arms of advertisers and buy their merchandise when they congratulate me on something I don’t really own?
- Childhood sexuality: cult, taboo, crime?
In fact, this is not only an advertising problem — the same thing happens in everyday life. Every now and then I find myself telling others how good they look. Yes, I say these words sincerely — but this does not mean that other people want to hear them. I was recently talking to a friend who had just ended a long-term relationship. I myself do not know why I kept saying something nice about her appearance — although it was clear that this did not bring her consolation. She didn’t care how I judged her physical attractiveness when her heart was broken—she just wanted me to be a friend. But I also fell into this trap: to say something good about appearance means to give support.
I can’t stand those who believe that our self-esteem, self-respect depends on our “wrapper”. Of course, I also have sleepless nights when I lie in bed and I don’t like being myself, I feel uncomfortable in my own body — but the reason for this is much deeper than my not very expressive cheekbones. I ask myself who I am and where I am going, how smart I am, how original I am, whether I put in enough effort to grow above myself. To dive into these thoughts is always a very personal matter.
That’s what I want to talk about, that’s where kind words of support and inspiration would come in handy. But call me beautiful and I’ll think you’re condescending at best and disgusting at worst. I appreciate that the ad makes an attempt to talk about real women and their problems, but I’m just asking you to consider how they see themselves as well. We have better things to do than worry about our reflection in the mirror.
See website for details