One of the pitfalls of modern relationships is uncertainty. We go on dates and want to be close to the chosen ones, but their actions hint that this desire is not mutual. We are trying to find a reasonable explanation why a person does not want to be with us. Journalist Heidi Prieb offers a solution to the problem.
We rack our brains, trying to understand why the person important to us has not yet made a decision, hesitates. Perhaps he had a traumatic experience in a past relationship? Or is he depressed and not up to us, but in the spring your romance will bloom again?
This is not related to the personality of the chosen one, but illustrates our doubts and fears: a feeling of insecurity, guilt for the collapse of previous relationships, an understanding that a new relationship can interfere with work, a feeling that we could not forget our former partner …
In a situation where a person periodically disappears and does not respond to messages, there can be no excuse. The only important thing is that the one to whom you entrusted feelings, treats you in this way.
If a person doubts his feelings, you will not be happy with him.
You have fallen in love with someone who does not reciprocate, and trying to get to the bottom of the reasons for dislike will harm your self-esteem. This person is not the one you need right now, he is not able to give the love that you deserve. If a person doubts his feelings, you will not be happy with him, neither manipulation nor persuasion will help here.
Checking how harmonious a relationship is is simple: there is no need to pursue, justify, persuade, give chances or look for explanations for the actions that break your heart. The “same” person initially appreciates you, you are always in the first place for him, he will not back down from his feelings.
Let’s stop seeing indifference as a mystery to be solved. You can think of many reasons why a person appears and disappears from our lives, but they do not matter. You cannot change anything. Your obsessive attraction characterizes you, not this person.
The next time you feel like being someone else’s lawyer, try to accept the bitter truth: you make excuses for yourself.
It is necessary to learn to love yourself enough to refuse to communicate with those who let you down. If your role is to persuade, to compromise, try to agree with yourself: “it’s better to be alone than with just anyone.”
Attraction to abusers and «ghosts» suggests that you do not respect your own desires and needs, ignore your ideas about the person who should be there, scatter over trifles and turn the chances of happiness into a ghostly fog.
The next time you feel like being someone else’s lawyer, try to accept the bitter truth: you make up excuses for yourself, willingly giving up the fulfilling life, love, and relationship you desire. When both partners admire each other and do not need to puzzle over the whims of a strange, unpredictable, elusive other.
The only person who is obligated to show love to you is yourself.
Source: Thought Catalog.