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We are accustomed to believe that a strong-willed person is one who shows stamina of character, never backs down and goes to the goal no matter what. Psychologist Vladimir Shlyapnikov is sure that this view is outdated, and suggests loosening your grip and trusting the natural course of things.
When I started to study the will, I asked people a simple question: “What does it mean to be a strong-willed person?” Once I received a precise and concise answer: a tiny man is rolling a huge stone uphill. The perseverance with which Sisyphus repeatedly performs his senseless and difficult feat has become a metaphor for will for many people. However, this image has nothing to do with modern scientific ideas about the will. It’s time to bust the myths and take a fresh look at the issue.
make a wish
When I was young, every New Year’s Eve I made a long list of wishes that would change my life. Time passed, but life did not turn into a fairy tale. Why? I found the answer to this question in the works of the German psychologist H. Heckhausen and his colleagues.
In their experiments, they tried to change people’s lives for the better: rid them of bad habits, teach them to take care of health and well-being. The subjects were divided into two groups. The first group received traditional motivational training. A charismatic speaker from a high podium told the subjects about the benefits of physical education and vitamin C, about the dangers of smoking and fast food, about the need to use condoms and undergo an annual medical examination. It worked, but up to a certain limit. People left classes inspired, full of plans to change their lives for the better … since Monday. However, by Sunday, all good intentions were forgotten, only the bitterness of regret remained: “Again, I could not do anything!”
In the second group, the work was carried out differently. The subjects received clear instructions about what, where and when they would change in their lives. Their motivation remained at the same level, but a clear plan of action appeared, which in the future provided real changes. The more precise the plan, the more obvious the achievements.
Will is always associated with effort — this is another common misconception
The results of these studies show that desire alone is not enough, especially when it comes to complex activities. For the embodiment of a dream into reality, completely different psychological mechanisms are responsible — volitional.
From early childhood, we are instilled with the idea that cherished desires should be fulfilled almost by themselves. It’s time to get rid of this delusion. It is better to replace beautiful pictures of the desired, but distant future with clear plans and schemes that will lead step by step to the cherished goal.
Iron will
In one of the Moscow schools, I asked high school students who they consider a strong-willed person? To my surprise, the most popular answers were: Lenin, Stalin and Hitler! In the view of young people, a person needs will in order to win, conquer, subdue. A strong-willed person is a superman with an expressive chin who firmly holds the reins of control of his life in his hands.
For many of us, will is associated with power and control. Nevertheless, studies by another German psychologist, J. Kuhl, show that excessive self-control is far from the most effective way to regulate activity. The desire to achieve the goal at any cost often leads to the opposite result. A more effective way of volitional regulation is based on the rejection of excessive control and the reasonable distribution of resources between various goals and intentions.
How to make volitional regulation more effective? Analyze your life. Designate areas of increased control. Think it might be time to loosen your grip. If the fear of losing control is too great, give yourself «fasting days» once a month or once a week, trusting the natural course of things.
Make it through can’t!
Once, at a training in volitional regulation, one of the participants remarked in surprise: “I thought you would teach us to take ourselves into a tight grip, but it turned out to be the other way around.”
Will is always associated with effort — this is another common misconception that prevents us from achieving success and enjoying life. At a certain stage in adolescents, the experience of effort really becomes an integral part of volitional action. This is due to the fact that the structures of volitional regulation at this age are not yet sufficiently formed, so the implementation of complex tasks requires significant resources. At the same time, many researchers note that effective volitional regulation can work without effort. Of course, in a certain range, effort helps to achieve tangible results and move forward. Nevertheless, a significant effort is more likely to harm volitional regulation than to benefit.
A good way to increase the effectiveness of volitional regulation is to relieve the psyche as much as possible.
Will is not a sledgehammer or a jackhammer, it is more like a complex instrument that needs fine tuning. Excessive effort and overload will quickly break it down, and you will need time to recover. Never force yourself! A good general knows when to retreat. If the feeling of discomfort has become too intense, it is worthwhile to postpone the lesson for a while and switch to another type of activity. Rest will help restore spent energy and return to a resourceful state in which the work will be done better and faster.
The will can be pumped up like a muscle
Studies show that many adolescents, in an effort to cultivate a strong will, force themselves to engage in heavy physical work to the point of exhaustion. They sleep on bare boards, walk around cemeteries, punish themselves by depriving themselves of their favorite treat or going to the movies. Many believe that these exciting but meaningless activities strengthen the will. Nevertheless, all attempts by researchers to find the “volitional muscle” have not been successful. Most likely, there is no universal volitional resource. For each type of activity, we form a unique functional system, in which various mental processes take part.
Does this mean that volitional regulation cannot be improved? Not at all. If you want to have effective volitional regulation, pay attention to the development of universal skills that are useful in various activities. Learn to understand yourself better. Determine the states that will provide maximum efficiency for various activities. “For everything there is a time, and a time for every purpose under heaven…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) The better you understand “their time,” the greater results you can achieve.
The gamification of life works well for both children and adults.
Another good way to increase the effectiveness of volitional regulation is to relieve the psyche as much as possible at the expense of external helpers. For example, when starting an important task, prepare your workspace in advance. Keep everything you need close at hand and remind you of your goal. Guard this space from outside intrusions. Divide the living space (house, apartment, room, desktop) into functional areas: a place to relax, to work or study, to communicate, and so on. Try not to mix these spaces. Multifunctionality is poison to the will.
Will is freedom
Will is not permissiveness, it is the ability to effectively manage oneself for the sake of a higher goal. Everyone decides for himself what to devote his life to, but the lack of devotion and involvement inevitably leads to «paralysis of the will.» The more interests and hobbies in life, the stronger the will. You need to master your own freedom gradually, step by step.
Paradoxically, freedom begins with obedience. First, the child learns to obey the commands of adults, then he can independently manage himself. If you want to develop inner self-discipline, accustom yourself to outer discipline. For example, keep a daily routine. It is important that compliance with the rules does not become mechanical. The game will help fill the meaning of the most severe mode. The gamification of life works well for both children and adults.
Periodically change the rules so as not to “rust”. Once a month, have a “disobedience holiday” to fully enjoy your well-deserved freedom.