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Kidnapping, prison, labor camp, sect, mobbing, incest, abuse of children, wife, partner in a relationship … It’s hard to believe that someone who experiences this may feel sympathy for the perpetrator, sympathize with him and help him hide in front of the police. Yet the Stockholm syndrome has been described by psychologists for over forty years. What is it and how do I stop it?
- In 1973, the attackers detained employees of a bank in Stockholm for six days. After their release, the victims not only refused to cooperate with the police, but also raised funds for legal aid for the kidnappers. One of the hostages got engaged to the torturer.
- In psychology, the “Stockholm syndrome” is also known as “attachment out of capture” – a mental state that is a reaction to severe stress. It expresses a feeling of sympathy and solidarity towards the perpetrator
- Stockholm Syndrome affects not only abductees, but also people who live in toxic relationships – seemingly normal
- One of the most famous examples of the syndrome is the story of Natascha Kampusch, who was imprisoned, beaten and humiliated by Wolfgang Priklopil for eight years. When he died, she mourned him and explained to journalists that thanks to the kidnapping, she avoided threats to her youth, such as alcohol or cigarettes.
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Stockholm Syndrome – when the victim defends the executioner
What is “Beauty and the Beast” about? About the power of love or about the survival instinct? Perhaps Bella was the victim of Cupid’s arrow, or perhaps she was a hostage with the Stockholm Syndrome. Andrzej Szczypiorski, a former concentration camp prisoner, said that a man does not choose this situation, but must face it. In this case – to abandon himself to the grace or disgrace of the executioner.
In psychology “Stockholm Syndrome” is otherwise “attachment from apprehending” – mental state, which is a reaction to severe stress and occurs in situations such as kidnapping, imprisonment, labor camps, involvement in sects, mobbing, incest and abuse of children or a partner in a relationship. It expresses a feeling of sympathy and solidarity towards the perpetrator. Occasionally, prisoners help perpetrators achieve their goals or escape the police.
We speak of the “Stockholm syndrome” when four conditions are met. The first is a sense of danger – the victim believes that the executioner is capable of the worst behavior. Others – the torturer also shows kindness, third – the inability to escape or the victim being convinced that there is no escape. And the last condition – isolating the victim who feels completely lonely and helpless.
– On the one hand, we have a strong sense of threat, and on the other, we hope for a change for the better, i.e. if I meet the expectations of the person using violence, I will save myself. When this happens, we are not so much angry at what happened, but we are grateful to the perpetrator for having spared our lives. We also encounter the Stockholm syndrome in families affected by violence. You can never say that the home abuser is bad to the core. The abused woman has good and bad experiences with him. And this makes him lose sight of the situation and stop thinking rationally – says psychologist, president of the Association “Blue Line” – Luis Alarcon Arias.
The Stockholm Syndrome in the pages of history
“When he treated us well, we thought of him as an emergency God” – these were the words of one of the hostages of a famous bank robbery in Stockholm. In August 1973, two attackers detained Kreditbanken employees for six days. After their release, the victims refused to cooperate with the police. And after some time, one of the hostages set up a foundation to raise funds for the hijacker’s lawyers, and one of the hostages became engaged to the torturer. The criminologist and psychologist involved in the case – Nils Bejerot – in presenting his own observations to the public, for the first time used the term “Stockholm syndrome”.
«When they don’t kill you right away, you think they are good. They get even better each day they let you live ”. This is what Patty Hearst, granddaughter of the American press magnate William Randloph Hearst, said about the traumatic experiences related to the kidnapping by the left-wing revolutionary group Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA). Kidnapped in 1974, two months after the kidnapping, she voluntarily joined the SLA. A recording was released to the media in which Patty – since then Tania – accused her own father of crimes against humanity and broke up with her fiancée.
«I have changed – I have grown up. I have become aware and I cannot return to the life I led before ”. Later, the American woman was involved in many illegal actions by a left-wing group, including a bank robbery. In September 1975 she was arrested, and during the trial she explained her own actions as “brainwashing”. Some considered her case to be example of the “Stockholm syndrome”. Despite this, Hearst was sentenced to 7 years in prison. Eventually, the law of grace was applied to her and the sentence was reduced to two. The amnesty was signed by Bill Clinton just before he resigned his office.
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“This man was a part of my life and that is why I mourn him in a way” is what Natascha Kampusch said. Kidnapped at the age of 10 in the outskirts of Vienna. The girl was imprisoned, beaten and humiliated by Wolfgang Priklopil for eight years. Nevertheless, the Austrian woman not only cried when she found out about his death, she repeated in numerous interviews that the tormentor had become part of her family and was grateful to him for going skiing or swimming in the pool.
She even wrote a letter to journalists of the Times newspaper, in which she explained that thanks to the kidnapping she had avoided threats to her youth, such as alcohol or cigarettes. According to Kampusch, “Stockholm Syndrome” is a strategy of surviving in a hopeless situation: “I think adaptation and identification with the kidnapper are natural. Especially if you spend a lot of time with him. It’s a matter of empathy and communication. Finding normality in a particular crime is not a syndrome. It’s a survival strategy. “
How to recognize the Stockholm syndrome?
The Stockholm Syndrome can manifest itself not only in abducted or detained persons, but also in those in relationships. The relationship between the partner-torturer and the victim can awaken the Stockholm Syndrome in the victim. How to recognize it?
A victim with Stockholm Syndrome does not seem to notice that she is being harmed. This often happens in toxic relationships when one person is abused, cheated on, or otherwise degraded. It may also be that he downplays his harm and diminishes it. This behavior can also be observed on the employer-employee or employee-employee line when one of the parties experiences mobbing.
A person who has developed the Stockholm syndrome justifies his tormentor, explains it, and often thinks that she deserved what happened to her. With time, she also begins to share his views and defends him. She has positive feelings for her persecutor, is unable to escape, reacts badly to people who want to help her break out of the executioner-victim relationship.
Stockholm Syndrome may or may not develop in any person who finds themselves in a dominated position and becomes a victim. It all depends on your mental and emotional predispositions.
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A vicious circle in the Stockholm syndrome
Why do victims of domestic violence not seek help and live under the same roof with the perpetrator for years? On the one hand, they feel intimidated and helpless. They are in a lost position in violent relationships characterized by asymmetry of power. On the other hand, says the psychologist, president of the Association “Blue Line” Luis Alarcon Arias, victims hope for a change.
– Hopes that something will change arise from the so-called the theory of cycles of violence, compiled by psychologist Lenora E. Walker. The cycle of violence consists of three phases: the tension build-up phase, the acute violence phase, and the honeymoon phase. During the honeymoon period, the “partner – executioner” becomes the “ideal partner”. He apologizes for his behavior, promises improvement, shows tenderness, buys gifts, takes him to romantic dinners. The victim begins to explain it: maybe it’s stress and overwork, or maybe it’s my fault.
– Very often it is sex that is a way of reassembling a relationship. Outside observers might even describe a couple in their honeymoon phase as happy. As a result of a change in the behavior of her husband, cohabitant or partner, the woman begins to believe that the violence will not come back. Unfortunately, the phase passes and the cycle comes full circle – tension and conflict situations reappear – explains the psychologist.
It is especially difficult to reach a victim of domestic violence when there are children in the relationship, who often become a bargaining chip. The perpetrator may threaten to take them away and leave for the unknown, quit his job sooner than pay alimony, or he will not give the victim peace and not allow himself to settle down again. It may even scare you by committing suicide when your wife, concubine or partner decides to leave. As a result, the victim’s life comes down to the constant control of the mental states of the perpetrator of violence. And her isolation progresses – she avoids contacts with family and friends, and gives up her social life. It separates itself from anyone who may become a potential source of the problem. Which does not mean that he does not want to maintain relationships or loves his own family, but breaks ties with them in order to avoid trouble.
Can the vicious circle be broken? Yes, people with the “Stockholm syndrome” require the help of a psychologist and psychiatrist. Family support is also very important. The main aim of treatment is to help the victim regain their proper perspective and to separate them emotionally from the perpetrator of the violence. Stockholm Syndrome is completely curable, but reaching full health is neither easy nor quick.
Luis Alarcon Arias, psychologist, president of the Association “Blue Line”