“Step into the abyss, I closed my eyes and stopped breathing”

I find it hard to believe in myself…

…when an important decision has to be made. I remember as a child there was a feeling that you can do anything you want, without thinking about anything in particular: the energy of youth is able to take cities. And now just a little, I immediately begin to doubt, I calculate a million different options. In general, some kind of grief from the mind. And it’s good that there is a person next to me who never doubts anything. First of all, in me. Yosya (singer’s husband, producer Iosif Prigozhin. – Ed.) Gives me the very energy that I once lost, trying to weigh every decision.

Recently, we starred in a culinary TV show, where we had to cook three dishes in 20 minutes. The husband says: “Let me make dumplings!” I told him: “Stop! Can you imagine that dumplings alone will take much more time?” – “So what? I’ll cook”. She barely dissuaded me, but Prigogine would have done it – it’s simple on principle. This is from the same series: “Can you play the piano?” “I don’t know, I haven’t tried it.” By the way, a very useful quality. I have it in its infancy.

I overcame my biggest fear…

… jumping off a cliff in a paraglider. It was horror! I’m terrified of heights! And she rested herself, organized everything. Theme (the middle son of Valeria, now lives in Switzerland. – Approx. ed.) Had a birthday. And here is Lake Geneva, complete calm. The glaring distance of the lake lets out sunbeams. We waited for the slightest breath of breeze to fly. A step into the abyss for one and a half thousand kilometers, and, of course, I closed my eyes, I was sitting behind the instructor – I was not breathing, there was only one thought in my head: why did I sign up for this? Then she grew bolder, began to dangle her legs and somehow got used to this state. Beautiful, of course. But most importantly, I was so proud of myself! The kick is incredible! I might even dare to do it again.

It’s hard for me to stay calm…

…when someone cuts me off. If people are together 24/7, they may unconsciously allow more than they should in relation to a loved one. It happens with us for any nonsense, and not just because of global disagreements. And, of course, I understand that a huge number of problems fall on Joseph, he, as a producer, interacts with an external aggressive environment, and my creativity and family are more on me. But such situations can unsettle me.

I can even scream, but I feel bad about it, it’s costly, unnatural. I don’t understand how people regularly throw tantrums, for me it’s really very tiring. And Prigozhin is the opposite: he will throw it out, then he will immediately be fine and he is like a cucumber. True, the husband is like that with everyone, he does not deprive anyone. But I would not like to stand in the general queue.

In any conflict…

… I don’t see the point of saving everything in myself, otherwise sooner or later there will be an explosion. Therefore, if I don’t like something, I openly talk about it. Even if the person is not ready to listen. In such cases, I ask: “Are you suggesting that I keep silent, swallow? So what I have inside, I have to hide even deeper? I need to explain to you why it hurts there. I want to live with a light soul, and not wear a stone in my bosom.

Love is the stage that…

… made me an adult. I was independent from the age of 13, but emotionally I matured at 19 when I got married (to musician Leonid Yaroshevsky. – Approx. ed.). I still remember how I was riding a tram, I had a wedding ring on my finger, and it seems that everyone sees that I am already big.

And love is the awakening of new creative forces, the desire to be better, to run further. My husband was 9 years older than me, and I always wanted to compete with him. But first, we had to adapt to a different world. His parents were philharmonic artists in Saratov – the elite, but with my family in Atkarsk everything was provincial, modest.

They had dissident conversations in the kitchen, discussed forbidden literature, listened to music. And I, who grew up on the classics, eagerly studied, absorbed like a sponge. It was almost a sporting interest, I wanted to get ahead.

So it was with her second husband (producer Alexander Shulgin. – Approx. ed.). He was fond of Kafka, Nietzsche, Berdyaev. When I began to live with him, from the summer I began to read all this, I wanted to figure out what was inside him. And now I don’t have to compete at all. Yosya and I are moving in the same direction, we have common interests. Maybe that’s why this relationship I have the longest.

Everything can be forgiven…

…even treason. God forbid, of course, but if 20 years ago in such a situation the only answer for me was “no”, now I would look at adultery differently. Over the years, views on many things have changed.

If in my youth it seemed to me that a day without sex for a couple is a tragedy, now I understand that only sex and love are not enough for a relationship. Sharp moments of passion pass, develop into another phase. But if there is no respect in marriage, there will be no love very quickly. It’s a bonding feeling, a necessary quantity.

My kids sometimes get offended if I…

… I make comments to them. Although, maybe this is not an insult at all, but a defensive reaction? The boys were easier. The eldest Anya is just different, by nature she is all about the protest. At the age of 12, she seemed to have been replaced. The bead girl disappeared, a teenager appeared, with some kind of spikes, skulls. And still in the character of Anya there is inconsistency. On the one hand, the daughter is very kind, laughing, wonderful, and on the other hand, she says that she does not like “cute” things.

We left her alone a long time ago: do what you want. She recorded an author’s album, interesting both in music and in texts. Anya is deep, creative, there are so many things mixed in her that sometimes she cannot understand herself. So if something confuses me, in a photo on social networks, for example, I write to her. Anya replied: “Mom, this is my life, I’m not like you, I want to be myself.” “You can be offended or not, but I should have told you.”

To the younger, Sena, I also sometimes make comments. He is inflexible with us, with such an inner core! Three years ago, when he lived with us, he asked: “Why do you all talk so much?” And he himself constantly thinks about something, he can open up only with his own, close to him in spirit people – he is not interested in others. If I don’t like something, I will definitely say it. I think that everyone should pay attention.

I feel disappointed…

…when I discover that those whom I considered friends were only pretending, as long as it was to their advantage. At some point, Natasha appeared in my circle. She had a very difficult life, I took her as a costume designer, she began to earn good money. I was always happy to help her, and when Natasha asked for a loan for an apartment, I did not refuse. I was sure that she treated me warmly, until one occasion in the dressing room.

I asked Natasha to iron my skirt, and she was rude in response: go far for an iron in another room! And this happened in the presence of fellow artists. I didn’t say anything, but I looked like that when Yosya met me, he asked what happened. He called Natasha and tried to talk to her about subordination. But in response, something like this rushed into the phone … It was that rare case when the husband did not have time to object a word.

It turned out that she had accumulated envy in herself for years. Like, everything is fine with me, but her life does not add up. I crossed her out of my circle. From mutual acquaintances I know that she got married, but now she is getting a divorce and her husband is trying to sue half of that very apartment from her. I must say that she returned the debt to us. In financial matters, she is decent.

I’m not afraid of the future…

…because I know I can always rely on children. In one way or another, they all voiced it. First of all, they had before their eyes the example of my grandmother, who until the last day did not need anything, bathed in love and wanted to live. At 95, she was seriously injured, and her life hung in the balance.

We did everything to save the grandmother and provide maximum comfort. Helped with repairs in an apartment in Atkarsk. No matter how much we persuaded her to move to Moscow – we promised to transport furniture that is dear to her as a memory, Yosya came up with the idea of ​​​​ordering photo wallpapers, like the view from her window – she did not agree to any.

Even at the age of 100, my grandmother discovered new things for herself. When she came to us, she studied art albums, read all day with a magnifying glass … Now, at any age, a lot of opportunities are open to us. People ask me what to do when this anniversary comes – 50 years. Yes, it’s the same on the other side! It’s time to make your old dream come true.

For example, I want to go hiking in Spain for many kilometers. Sasha Lyubimov (TV journalist, producer. – Ed.) and his wife have been practicing this for a long time, they told us, and Joseph promised to pave the route. Walk 20 kilometers every day and listen to audiobooks. I want to travel a lot, I have never been to South America, and there is clearly something to see there. I also dream of spending the winter in warmer climes. The further, the worse I endure the cold, apparently, this is an overdose. Leave for three winter months to warm up – maybe this dream will come true someday? ..