Stalking – how to recognize and defend against a stalker?

Proven content

Have you ever felt cornered and threatened by any person? Do you have the impression that you are being followed or that you are afraid that your ex-partner has not come to terms with the breakup and still counts on renewing the relationship? If you live in danger and are concerned about your safety, you may have fallen victim to a stalker.

Who is a stalker?

Stalking, i.e. repeated, persistent harassment of another person, violating their privacy and causing a feeling of danger, is an increasingly common phenomenon in the modern world. Anyone can fall victim to a stalker – tormentors see their goal and systematically narrow the limits of the victim’s privacy, “entering” ever deeper into her life and hysterically manifesting their presence.

In most cases, stalking is a consequence of a previously unsuccessful relationship. A partner who cannot come to terms with the breakup begins to haunt the other side. Of course, this is not a rule – it happens that stalkers are roommates, co-workers or family members (often this phenomenon is related to domestic violence).

1. Psychological violence – causes, effects, mechanism, examples

Am I a victim of a stalker?

The motives of stalkers vary, but the most common forms of harassment are:

1. spreading rumors and slander,
2. threats
3. victim tracking,
4. blackmail,
5. taking photos and filming without the consent of the victim,
6. deaf phones,
7. unwanted touch.

Also read: What is in the head of a victim of violence?

cyberstalking

An increasingly common form of stalking is cyberstalking, or harassment via the Internet. The stalker may hack into the victim’s email account and send spam or share private content against his will. Installing spy programs is an equally popular form, thanks to which the stalker has constant insight into the victim’s activity on the network.

The most severe form of harassment is spreading false information on social networks or impersonating the harassed person. The effects of such actions can be very serious and have a tragic impact on the private and professional life of the victim.

How can you protect yourself from stalking?

Even if we are not sure whether what we are experiencing is already stalking, or even just crossing good manners and certain boundaries, it is worth trying to take care of your own safety. For this, it is worth following a few specific rules:

1. objecting – it is important that our tormentor hears that we do not wish to contact him in any form. Strict objection can be a solution if we are experiencing relatively mild border crossing, but even if the whole situation were to turn into harassment, it would also be helpful.
2. avoiding contact – this is another important rule to limit contact with the perpetrator only to the aforementioned objection. When we do this, we should avoid getting into sterile discussions or vague explanations. It can be a good idea not to write back to messages, block the stalker’s phone number and limit the availability of your accounts on social networks.
3. do not accept unwanted shipments – it is an important element in setting the boundaries of the stalker. Unsolicited packages must be returned to the person sending them as soon as possible.
4. Support group – it is worth informing people close to us about the problem that is tormenting us. Let them know that someone who is a stalker may be trying to contact them. Explain to your relatives not to respond to his taunts, publish or send anywhere your photos or information about you on their social media pages.
5. secure evidence – always remember that the whole situation may end up in the courtroom. It’s a good idea to take care of your own safety, and thus also gather evidence that you are experiencing harassment. Do not delete messages, e-mails, medical records and recordings that may indicate stalking. This evidence will help law enforcement take action to protect you.
6. police notification – stalking is often underestimated by people who have not experienced it, and it is also difficult to prove, because not all stalker’s behavior is illegal. However, it is worth reporting any episode of harassment to the police. Even if we are not sure if what we are experiencing has the hallmarks of stalking. It is also worth entering into the contact list of the mobile phone the direct telephone number of the policeman on duty at the police station closest to your place of residence and / or work.
7. specialist support – bullying is usually accompanied by a feeling of helplessness and danger. Often, being involved in contact with a stalker makes it difficult to look at the whole situation objectively. Therefore, it is worth using the professional help of specialists. Contact a lawyer who will support you in contact with law enforcement agencies and the judiciary, but also explain the often complicated and ambiguous situation. If you are a harassed person, it is worth taking advantage of psychological support. The mental cost to the stalker is often enormous. Changes in functioning in the personal and social area, long-term experience of the drug and the sense of danger may require the help of a psychologist. If we have limited access to a commercial specialist offer, it is worth taking advantage of the free help offered by non-governmental organizations. Sometimes even using a free helpline can be the first impulse to take care of yourself in a situation that may seem like a hopeless one.

How to recognize stalking?

In the case of stalking, there may be some specific behavior indicating that it is stalking. These are:

1. telephone stalking – frequent ringing, dead phone calls, sending text messages;
2. Internet stalking – consists in sending unwanted messages (e-mails, messages on messengers, social networks);
3. stalking at work – destabilizing professional life by disseminating false information, obstructing everyday work;
4. harassment;
5. solicitation;
6. threatening;
7. tracking;
8. spreading false information or information regarding the victim’s personal life;
9. blackmailing;
10. unwanted capture of videos, photos, etc.

Stalking can manifest itself in various ways in the content of messages or phone calls sent, e.g. unwanted love confessions, confessions or even descriptions of sexual acts. Stalking can also manifest as a series of late-night “deaf” calls or blank messages.

The stalker’s behavior, however, does not always have to be associated with aggression or physical violence. The content in this case is of secondary importance to the person experiencing the harassment, the emotions that this behavior evokes in them are important.

The perpetrators often use manipulation techniques, emotional blackmail, and try to somehow force the subject of harassment into contact. Threats, for example, against the victim’s relatives may be effective and provoke a conversation with the perpetrator. However, it should be remembered that even making a “fuss” is the dose of attention the tormentor is looking for.

Giving unwanted gifts or hanging out with flowers in front of the house may at first be a romantic gesture, but in a situation where the object of our sighs clearly says “no”, maybe let’s think carefully if all this adoration is starting to turn into harassment.

1. Stockholm syndrome – how to get rid of it?

Consequences of stalking

People who have experienced stalking on themselves very often have completely ruining their lives in many of its aspects. Starting from material losses, through the lack of a sense of security, deterioration of the psychophysical state, to the real threat to life and health.

The stalker tries hard to take over the various spheres of his victim’s life step by step, exposing them to high costs in many areas. We are talking here about:

1. material losses;
2. damage to property, personal belongings, etc .;
3. destabilization of professional life by disseminating false information, obstructing everyday work;
4. the need to change the place of residence and / or employment;
5. negative influence on the mental state, experiencing low mood, anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, etc .;
6. sleep disorders (nightmares, insomnia);
7. disturbances in concentration and decreased cognitive abilities resulting from, for example, a long-term sense of threat and emotional tension;
8. emotional problems; overuse of drugs and substances to calm down or facilitate sleep;
9. fear of leaving home;
10. withdrawing from social relations and avoiding interpersonal contacts;
11. sexual violence;
12. addictions;
13. thoughts of suicide.

Stalking – legal issues

Stalking is a crime punishable by up to 3 years’ imprisonment (pursuant to Art. 190a § 1 of the Penal Code). The victim of a stalker does not have to live with a sense of threat. The first step to free yourself from your persecutor is to report to the police or the district prosecutor’s office.

The legal basis for such a notification is article 207 of the Criminal Code, according to which “physical or mental abuse of a close person or another person in a permanent or temporary relationship of dependence on the perpetrator, or a minor or a person helpless due to their mental or physical condition – shall be punishable by imprisonment from 3 months to 5 years ”.

As in the case of mobbing, the victim must collect evidence that the crime has been committed, including e-mails, SMSes, call recordings, photos, etc. Witness testimonies and medical documentation, e.g. from psychological therapy, play a very important role. At the hearing, the court will also take into account the police notes.

Remember that the sooner you take legal action, the sooner you will be free from the stalker and you will feel safe.

If you feel that you are in a difficult situation and need to talk to a psychologist, do not wait and call the toll-free number 800 70 2222 XNUMX/XNUMXSupport Center for people in crisis. You can also send an email or chat. If you are a child, call us (also free and anonymous) number intended for minors: 116 111.

For a long time you have not been able to find the cause of your ailments or are you still looking for it? Do you want to tell us your story or draw attention to a common health problem? Write to the address [email protected] #Together we can do more