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tender years
Babies are babies. It is a girl or a boy — it does not matter either for the child himself or for his parents. Babies love to be held, played with, squeezed, and they giggle contentedly; they like to observe the world around them. Babies have different temperaments. With some it is quite easy — they are calm and relaxed, they sleep for a long time. Others are noisy and restless, always demanding action. Someone fearful and restless, in need of constant confirmation that there is someone next to him, that he is loved.
During this period of life, it is necessary that the baby feels a connection with at least one person. Usually with mom. Possessing special enthusiasm and high motivation, besides feeding him with her milk, naturally endowed with special softness and tenderness in her approach to the child, it is the mother who is most prepared to fully satisfy the needs of the baby. Her own hormones (especially prolactin, produced during breastfeeding) make a woman want to be with her child and focus all her attention on him.
With the exception of breastfeeding, fathers can also provide for all the needs of a newborn, only they do it in a slightly different way. Studies show that they are more active in playing with the child, like to disturb him, while mothers try to calm him down. (However, when fathers, like mothers, begin to suffer from lack of sleep, they no longer have time for noisy games and they also do not mind calming the child!)
The first manifestations of gender difference
Some genetic differences between girls and boys begin to show as early as infancy. Boys are less receptive to the faces of others. Girls have a more developed sense of touch. Boys grow faster and gain strength more actively, although separation from their mother is perceived more acutely. When children begin to walk, the difference between girls and boys becomes even more noticeable. Boys tend to need more space to play and move around. They love to grab and manipulate objects, build tall towers with blocks, while girls prefer to mess around on the floor. In kindergarten, boys ignore the appearance of newcomers in the group, and girls immediately notice them and make friends.
Sadly, adults treat boys more strictly. Studies show that parents hug and caress girls much more often, even at newborn age. Boys are less spoken to. And mothers punish boys more often and more painfully.
If the mother is the main source of affection and care, for the boy she becomes the first model for love and tenderness. Starting from the second year of the child’s life, when he begins to walk, the mother can firmly, without offending or shaming the boy, set the boundaries of their relationship, and the boy will learn this for life. He knows that he holds a special place in his mother’s heart.
When a mother teaches a boy with interest and pleasure, talks to him, this helps to develop his speech skills and sociability. We will see later how important this is for boys, since they need help with communication skills more than girls.
If in the first year or two of a son’s life the mother is in the deepest depression and is closed to communication with the child, an aspect of sadness appears in his mind. If a mother gets angry, beats or offends her son, he begins to doubt that he is loved. A mother needs support and help from other family members so that she has the opportunity to rest, relax and find time to communicate with her child. She needs to take care of herself, then she can fully take care of the child.
The mother expresses delight when she sees her child chasing lizards or sculpting sand cakes, she is proud of his achievements. The father squeezes his son, plays wrestling with him and also shows tenderness and care, reads books, consoles when the child is sick. The kid learns that men are kind and at the same time it is interesting with them that they can read books and help around the house.
Home is best
If possible, it is best for a boy to stay at home with one of his parents until he reaches the age of three. Nurseries or infant homes are not well suited for the care of boys under three years of age. Studies show that boys are more likely than girls to experience separation from loved ones, they are more likely to experience emotional stress from feeling abandoned. As a result, anxiety and aggressiveness develop, and this pattern of behavior persists in the boy and at school.
Care from a loving parent or family care is much preferable. Young children need the presence of a loving person nearby. The first lessons that boys need to learn in this life are the lessons of kindness, trust, warmth and joy.
Shortly speaking…
Until the age of six, the gender of the child does not really matter, and you should not focus too much on this aspect. As a rule, mothers are the closest person to a child, but the role of a father should not be underestimated either. The most important thing for a child during this period of life is to be in the center of attention and feel the presence of two loving parents nearby. So he develops a sense of security, primary communication skills and a craving for knowledge and interaction with others.
However, this period passes too quickly. So seize the moment and enjoy your baby!
Six to Thirteen: Interest in Masculinity
At the age of six, boys undergo an important metamorphosis. It is as if a masculinity that has been dormant until now wakes up in them. Even those boys who don’t watch much TV suddenly start to show interest in weapons, dream of wearing superman caps, wrestling and fighting, playing noisy games. And something else very important is happening: and this is typical for all countries and cultures. Around the age of six, boys seem to lock on to their father or grandfather or another man. They awaken the desire to be close to a man, to learn from him, to imitate. They want to «learn to be a man.» See →
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.