Why do we so often continue to live at super speeds, despite being tired? The reason is that this race allows us to overcome many fears. Explanations of psychoanalyst Svetlana Fedorova.
For 37-year-old Faina, it is obvious: “a good driver drives fast, slow driving is a sign of inexperience.” According to 41-year-old Vadim, on vacation you need to get as many impressions as possible, moving from one attraction to another. Therefore, he does not explore the country, he puts a tick: England, Greece, Egypt … And the 38-year-old Inna still hurts after a horseback ride: her guide decided that she was one of those riders indifferent to the beauties of the landscape, who certainly want to rush into all support…
Fight with father
The attitude towards speed is formed in early childhood along with the desire to fulfill the mother’s requirements as quickly as possible — “calm down”, “be smart”, “go to the potty” — so that mom is happy with everything. This is about trying to be the best (or best) for her, to be able to please her. In fact, behind this strategy lies the desire to take the place of the father. This is how the passion for competition is born. Psychoanalysts believe that the race against time, which too often turns into a way of life, is a manifestation of our unconscious desire to protect ourselves from non-existence, an attempt to escape from it. «Everything that I can do, I will win back from death.» Sometimes this race also becomes a way to accumulate pleasure and joyful excitement — just like a miserly knight rejoices, accumulating his treasures.
The fight against passivity
In the language of psychoanalysis, speed allows us to avoid imaginary «castration» — an internal experience that arises in us when we realize our human vulnerability. The harder we press on the gas, the easier it is for us to imagine that we have a phallus — a symbol of omnipotence, absolute power and endless abundance. On a mental level, slowness refers to the idea of »feminization», a kind of passivity, which for some (both men and women) is unbearable, because it is associated with a feeling of helplessness in the face of life and others. Speed, increasing, becomes a source of narcissistic pleasure. We make efforts to feel good, hardworking, skillful and, therefore, satisfy other people: bosses, officials, teachers — those whom we give power over ourselves. A diligent student who raises his hand as soon as the teacher asks a question seeks, of course, to demonstrate his knowledge. But he also feels joy because he can immediately satisfy the need of his interlocutor. And to be in his eyes a brilliant student, a significant and … omnipotent person.
Fighting the void
Almost always, the urge to think and act as quickly as possible is also an attempt to combat the feeling of emptiness, the vague blues that is inherent in human existence. The more we do, the easier it is for us to forget about the difficulties and sorrows that vex us. Slow down or, worse, stop, and we are already face to face with ourselves and our personal problems. And we involuntarily strive to return to the race as soon as possible …