Space by my rules

We are in constant contact with the world. And the space in which we exist is part of our ecosystem.

“The concept of the psychological space of a person includes housing, things, food preferences, and pets – everything that makes up the daily reality,” defines the cognitive-behavioral psychologist Victoria Poggio. “The place where we spend most of the day affects our condition, so it should be comfortable, meet our needs and goals.”

Then we gain self-confidence and even a certain sense of control over what is happening.

The question of agreements

At home, we can briefly forget about the everyday bustle and endless tasks that life sets before us. Well, if you have your own, albeit small, corner.

“Personal space is essential,” says Victoria Poggio. – Your own room is best. But if it is not there, there must be a place in the house where no one will disturb us.”

“I arranged for myself an office in the loggia so as not to zone my room with my wife,” says 41-year-old Semyon. “I insulated the walls and the floor, I work there all day long, even if it’s minus thirty outside.”

Preferences vary: someone wants to live alone, and someone rents out a free room because they need companions.

“A single person and a family with two or three children will have different ideas about the organization of their space,” the psychologist notes. “If you do not live alone, it is difficult, but real, to negotiate with household members, taking into account both yours and their needs.”

Define what “comfort” means to you. Having realized what exactly you want from the situation, you can arrange the furniture. Someone needs an orthopedic chair at home. And the other will be happy with a desk with many drawers in which you can hide your treasures.

Personality on trend

The most comfortable furniture, pleasant colors and textures, temperature, air humidity and even computer screen settings – not a single little thing in the house should be left without attention. You don’t have to follow the latest fashion trends. And if you like the popular interior style, you should rethink it, “fit” it for yourself.

“You can embody your interests and values ​​in the way you furnish your home, what things you use,” continues Victoria Poggio. — Trends are more about mass character and pop culture, but sometimes they give hints, they coincide with our personal vision. For example, the concept of ecological thinking, the transition to partnerships with nature, the rejection of products tested on animals, excess plastic, products made from natural fur and leather – all this changes the environment and self-consciousness.

Current trends in the design world should be approached with caution.

“Fashion is always imposed on us from the outside,” warns existential psychologist Leonid Kulik. – The first impulse comes from trendsetters, but after a couple of years, any trend becomes the property of the majority, a conditional norm. There is also a narcissistic aspect to the desire to follow trends: we want to meet external criteria for success. This problem can be solved, including through the interior. For many, it is easier to rely on something material to reinforce self-esteem and confirm achievements.

But fashion changes, and we risk losing ourselves and forgetting our desires, if only those around us would approve.

“I decorated the apartment in a Scandinavian style because my friends did it,” says 50-year-old Inna. “But I soon realized that I was uncomfortable in these empty white walls. I repainted it peach, bought a chest of drawers with an aged finish, put lace napkins on it, arranged “petty-bourgeois” elephants … And how good it is now for me!

Do psychologists have a clear opinion about what environment is uniquely beneficial for our well-being? According to Leonid Kulik, everything that we do with our home is right, if we ourselves feel good about it: “Gurus of various directions are forbidden to work or have breakfast in bed, because this allegedly threatens us with depression and bad sex. But if the environment, whatever it is, allows you to relax and recharge your batteries, helps you create, then this is your environment, period.

If we believe that the apartment should be equipped according to Feng Shui or according to the Vedic rules of Vastu, then it is such housing that will give us strength and provide comfort.

Temporary home

We are more mobile today than we were twenty or thirty years ago. Many live in rented housing for years and do not plan to take out a mortgage. It seems that the desire to have “your own corner” by all means is a thing of the past.

“My friends and I have been renting an apartment in the center of Moscow for three years now,” says 24-year-old Igor. — I have no money for my own housing with a view of the Kremlin, and this is unlikely to change. In the meantime, the opportunity to live in the heart of the city is more important to me than having my own apartment.”

But we also choose temporary housing in accordance with our tastes – or we want to be able to equip it.

“If the landlords are not ready to even let you change the curtains on the windows, perhaps this option is suitable for living for two or three months,” notes Victoria Poggio. “But if you plan to rent an apartment for a long time, it makes sense to either try to negotiate with the owners, or look for another option, because when something annoys us, at least in small things, then instead of rest and relaxation, we will experience tension.”

Many owners allow tenants to make minor repairs or purchase some furniture in exchange for a significant discount. Someone even specifically rents out apartments in poor condition, so that the guests take on some of the worries of putting things in order.

More and more specialists are involved in short-term projects. They are constantly moving around the country, so it makes no sense for them to settle somewhere and acquire housing.

“My home is where I throw my cap,” Vasya Vasin from the Bricks group once said, this attitude to life has its own charm. However, it is important that we have the right to dispose of the place in which we live. If landlords do not allow us to feel at home in a rented apartment, we feel a lack of freedom.

If there are no other options yet, friends and loved ones will help you feel better if you live with them.

“The main thing is not the color of the wallpaper or the upholstery of the furniture, but the relationship with those with whom you share the house,” emphasizes Leonid Kulik. “If they are harmonious, then even the discomfort from an inappropriate interior can be experienced.”

Renting a home is a solution for those who do not like to stay in one place for a long time. If we get tired of an apartment, a district, a city, it is easier to change rented housing than to sell a property and buy a new one. But in this case, we are dependent on the twists and turns of the fate of landlords and market fluctuations. So if we have children or we want to equip housing exclusively for ourselves, then we will try to find our own home for the long term.

On the shelves

“If the house is in order, then the head is in order, my mother often repeated this,” recalls 27-year-old Galina. “But when I began to live separately, for the first six months my things were lying around anywhere, and I enjoyed it!” Freedom from prohibitions brings joy, one can agree. But more often than not, we feel better where everything has its place, and not where chaos reigns.

“Organizing the space around you is one of the ways to arrange your life,” emphasizes Leonid Kulik. – As a rule, we ourselves determine what the personal order will be. By doing the cleaning ourselves, many of us organize not only things on the shelves, but also thoughts and emotions. True, it happens that you don’t want to do either one or the other. ”

The fanatical pursuit of cleanliness and the maintenance of an established order once and for all can be a wake-up call.

“Sometimes putting things in order becomes a way to protect yourself from problems,” Leonid continues. “In this case, cleanliness becomes an obsession that hides anxiety.” Here it is no longer a matter of arranging space, but of psychological difficulties, and they should be resolved.

On the other hand, the endless mess and inattention to one’s home is also alarming.

“If the apartment has trodden paths among scattered things, this is a reflection of our inner state. But the mess may also be the best way to cope with the current situation,” Leonid Kulik believes. By saving energy on cleaning, we can fully focus on solving pressing problems or give ourselves extra time to relax.

To work as a holiday

An office is a space where employees spend most of their day. Making your workplace comfortable is a prerequisite for our efficiency. According to psychologists, this is not difficult: the main thing is that the authorities are not against creativity.

“Small details are enough to include the workplace in your psychological space. They will help you quickly adapt to the new environment and give you a sense of security,” says Victoria Poggio.

To this end, we bring our favorite ficus to work, place photos of loved ones on the tables, print out our favorite quotes and hang them on faceless partitions.

“These are all signs of belonging, ways of saying, ‘This is mine. I’m the boss here.” It’s like we bring a piece of home to work,” emphasizes Leonid Kulik. And houses, as you know, are protected by walls …

It happens that the company’s management puts forward strict requirements for order in the workplace. Sometimes bosses forbid employees from decorating tables, because a favorite teddy bear can contrast sharply with office furniture.

We internally protest, but… “these measures really allow some people to focus more fully on work. This approach is typical for corporations of the eastern type with their strict standards,” notes Victoria Poggio.

What to do if ficuses are prohibited in your office and therefore you feel out of place? “If there is no way to change the workspace, you can turn to the internal: for example, use meditative techniques that will help you relax and put your thoughts in order,” suggests Victoria Poggio.

Colleagues are sometimes the source of problems in the workspace. If someone next to us decides to equip their place with great imagination and scope, this can distract from work and annoy.

“My employee Anya loves anime,” says Olga, 37. – Her entire table is littered with figurines of her favorite characters, the wall above the monitor is plastered with bright photographs. Some of the pictures have a holographic effect. They glare, and my eyes are terribly tired by the evening … “Can we do something?

“Like in any conflict situation, we have two options: to agree or leave,” Leonid Kulik answers. – For many, it is difficult to directly tell another that something does not like or interfere with us. But if you speak politely to a colleague, there is a chance that he or she will listen to you.”

By avoiding blame and using I-messages, we increase the likelihood of rapport. But even if we fail to achieve it, perhaps we can be a little comforted by the thought that in the evening we will return home, where everything is subject to our rules.