“Sorry for the voice”: 7 rules of digital etiquette

Hello, my name is Julia and I hate voice messages, at least if they are sent without warning without my consent. I also don’t like receiving 17 messages consisting of one or two words, I still shudder every time the phone rings, I tense up when I am added to new groups without asking, especially non-working ones.

This could be attributed to my social phobia, but it turns out I’m not the only one. “I can’t stand being forced into meaningless groups,” Sabina writes. “Also, unfamiliar people can “nail” you virtually to their lives by marking you in a photo.”

“For adding to chats or groups without your consent, they fry in a separate frying pan in hell!” Zarina agrees.

“I have a negative attitude towards “voice” ones,” writes Leonid. – Written speech encourages at least somehow to formulate thoughts, oral speech does not really. And if the message is on the case, then I will not be able to find the information. Especially “beautiful” are “voice” ones with one capacious “yes”. Well, personally, it’s inconvenient for me that I need to stop the music on the computer, sometimes even put on other headphones, listen to this “yes”.

“I don’t listen to messages from clients at all, please write. Edits, comments on work, appearances, passwords, addresses are also only in writing: later you won’t find anything in the “voice” ones, ”writes Maria.

Sometimes people are guided not by emotional, but by practical considerations. “I try not to write at night, although sometimes it’s easier for me. A person can immediately read the message, but not answer, and in the morning he will no longer have an unread notification, and he will simply forget about you, ”explains Leonid. “I have encountered this many times.”

Some take all these features of digital communications quite calmly.

“I normally perceive that they write to me 24/7,” says Sabina. “I’ll say more: I’m even grateful if some kind of work message arrives late in the evening – it means that a person, like me, is not indifferent to our common cause.”

“I’m fine with “voice” ones,” her namesake shares. If I can’t listen, I write. And I myself actively use it, especially if there is a lot of information and it takes a long time to write. “Voice” is very convenient, – agrees Arina. – No need to strain your eyes. Turned on, listened, wrote down the answer. Saves a lot of time and saves your eyes.

“I love voice messages for work: they can quickly talk about immediate tasks and ask questions while driving,” Natalia adds. “Well, just do it faster than if I were typing the same text.”

So how is it right? I talked about this with podcast author Christina Wazowski. During the first season of her podcast Sorry for the Voice, she spoke with sociologists, anthropologists and digital professionals to understand what the rules of modern digital etiquette are allowed, what is forbidden, and what can and should be discussed.

1. Voice messages and calls – by “mutual agreement”

To clarify in advance in correspondence whether it is convenient for the interlocutor to listen to a voice message means to show respect for him. With calls, the same story: if there is no open or tacit agreement about them, you should first ask. And even better – schedule a call in advance (this, of course, does not apply to force majeure situations).

The number and duration of “voice” messages are also individual: with someone you have adopted this format of communication, with someone you don’t. But in any case, you should not send 5-second voice messages, as well as 5-minute ones. If we are talking about working communication, it is better to formulate your thoughts in writing, otherwise the “listener” will have to write down for you.

2. Tag on the photo – with the consent of the person

“If a person looks objectively attractive in a photograph (and is not caught in compromising circumstances), then it is quite normal to mark him,” says Anna. “And he can always remove the mark, if anything.”

It’s always a good idea to ask before tagging someone who isn’t too close in a photo, as well as before adding any person (even a friend) to a new chat or giving someone their contact. Or create a new chat to introduce someone to someone. In general, in order to understand whether something is worth doing or not, it is useful to imagine how you would feel in a similar situation.

3. You can exchange formal greetings, but not necessarily

Most have acquaintances, correspondence with which is reduced to the exchange of birthday greetings, and so from year to year. Whether it is worth maintaining such a connection, everyone decides for himself, but you definitely shouldn’t be offended if the one with whom you don’t communicate much doesn’t congratulate you on your birthday, Happy New Year, and even more so on March 8, either in a personal or on your page. It’s worth writing yourself if you really want to pay attention to your interlocutor, wish something thoughtful and targeted.

4. Whether to greet in messengers is a private matter for everyone

But in general, if this is your first interaction for the day (and even more so for a longer period of time), it’s better to say hello, while not limited to one “hello” – it should be followed by some specific request, thought, something, what you want to tell the interlocutor, offer or ask him.

In general, it is better not to send super-short messages containing one or two words – many are annoyed by endlessly falling notifications in instant messengers and a rattling smartphone.

5. Messages after office hours: OK, but not necessary

It all depends on the agreements in a particular team, but in general, if it is possible to wait until the morning or use the delayed sending function (such as, for example, in Telegram), it is better to use it. And you definitely shouldn’t expect an immediate response to a nightly message. At the same time, turning off the sound or the Internet on the phone at night is the personal responsibility of everyone.

6. The use of emoticons in business correspondence is due to the internal etiquette of the company

Etiquette in business communication is generally based on internal agreements: somewhere it is customary to use emoji and stickers, somewhere not. For example, there are unspoken rules for communication in Zoom: connect on time and warn of being late, put on headphones, turn off the microphone when you are not talking, turn off the camera if you need to leave for a short time, and be sure to warn if you are going to record a call.

7. Ignoring other people’s messages is generally impolite.

Especially if the sender sees that you received the message: in this case, it is better to write that you will definitely answer later. But there is nothing wrong with ignoring the messages of strangers, especially if they are questionable offers or unwanted flirting.

In general, there are no unified rules of digital etiquette, it is rather a set of agreements with different people. But you should always think about the convenience of the interlocutor: can he listen to your message now, especially if he is shaking in a noisy subway car, is it convenient for him to “jump” from messenger to messenger, whether you will violate his borders right now.

After all, if we are more attentive to others, there is a chance that they will be more attentive to us.