Our ideas about happiness clearly need to be rethought, says psychologist Sonya Lubomirsky, author of the best-selling book Myths of Happiness.* We asked her to share what made her think this way.
Psychologies: Why did you decide to write this book?
Sonya Lubomirski: The more I studied the question of “how to become happy,” the more contradictory the image of happiness that most of us have seemed to me. Our dreams often begin with the word “if”: “If I were rich, I would be much happier.” Or: “If I don’t get married, I will be unhappy all my life.” The misconception is that we believe in these myths: happiness can be earned, deserved or bought. Of course, joyful events (income growth, marriage…) do bring us satisfaction. But only for a while! We get used to positive changes, and they cease to please us.
But can we still be happier?
S. L.: Yes! If we’re asked to rate our satisfaction with our lives on a scale of 1 to 10, most people would choose 6: average is more comfortable. Even if someone feels unhappy now, this does not mean that he will suffer forever. So happiness does not last forever.
You have been studying the phenomenon of happiness for a long time. Has it changed your life in any way?
S. L.: I realized that there are no absolutely happy people. We all feel sad, lonely or scared from time to time. Each of our feelings has its own reason and meaning – and with this thought it became easier for me to live. Happiness is just a bright color in our emotional palette. It is good as an accent in the interior, but it would hardly be wise to paint the whole house in it.
*Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of the leading positive psychologists in the world, professor of psychology at the University of California at Riverside (USA), author of several books, the last one is The Myths of Happiness (Penguin Press, 2013).