My son – he is 3,5 years old – constantly fights. When he doesn’t like something, for example, I say that it’s time to sleep, turn off the light, or forbid something, or take something that cannot be taken, he starts screaming and beats the one who forbids it to him, and the one who helps with this. He understands everything, but he does not yet have an adult speech, he says some words when he needs something. I say: “You can’t fight” – he continues even stronger, only if I show the belt, it stops. Dialogue between us is not yet possible, so I would explain it somehow differently. Tell me, please, how can I be.
Maria, 29 years old
Your son is probably going through a three-year-old crisis well known to parents. At this age, the child develops will. He strives to persevere in achieving his desires, and the opportunity to show his will is more important for him than the desire itself. At this age, children can insist on their own, even when they do not want it or it is not profitable at all. For parents, this is usually a difficult period.
What to do? Agree with the child – he will demand and insist on something else. To refuse and punish – you can suppress the formation of will or bring up an aggressor in him. A child, of course, can become obedient if he is intimidated, but he will not develop the ability to achieve what he wants, the goal that he has set for himself.
Sometimes children at this age have additional difficulties when parents have different ideas about what is possible and impossible. If a child manages to “push through” his grandmother, he begins to try to do this with other household members. Therefore, if you really intend to forbid something to him, do it decisively, confidently and strictly, but you still should not intimidate him.
If other family members indulge the child, you will have to pass several tests on the strength of your decision. And, of course, it will be difficult for a child to accept your prohibition “you can’t fight” if you threaten him with a belt at the same time. Children are brought up on models, not words. If you show him a model of violence, aggression, intimidation, he learns from you. Do not think that if he is not actively speaking yet, he does not understand your speech. He understands you perfectly and can rely only on your firmness, understanding and love.