Solving life problems by men and women

Men and women solve the life tasks facing them in fundamentally different ways. The thinking of a man is characterized by certainty and often excessive abstraction, the artificiality of the framework of his thinking, for a woman — blurring, great concreteness and natural fluidity.

Everywhere we repeat many times: if men are biologically men, but psychologically — women. And there are women who are psychologically quite men. It can be seen from afar, it is immediately recognizable. They say to her: «You have a masculine character.» «You have a masculine mind.» This article is about gender, not gender.

A man takes his decisions from his head, a woman comes to her decisions themselves, from somewhere inside. A man (when he is a man) lives with his mind, a woman more often with her body, often calling it the soul, emotions and feelings. For a man, his feelings, body and other internal economy are a means to do something outside, for a woman her body, her feelings and her soul are the main thing for which everything external should work.

It is clear that a woman knows how to use her head, and at work a woman is smarter and more organized than the men around. However, when the working day ends and a woman plunges into personal relationships, becoming a Free Woman, she becomes different. Her feminine style is the life of the body. A free woman lives more often with her body than with her mind. She catches the feeling of the body, and does not make decisions with the mind.

It is nowhere written here that a woman cannot be smart, cannot think that she cannot be logical. Everything can. It’s just that she does it only when she presses, when it’s definitely impossible to do otherwise, when life forces her. For example, at work it is mandatory and it is accepted. And if a woman is obligated or taught, she will think absolutely like a man and even better than many men. Just when you stop raping a woman and give her free rein, she becomes a woman … Read on from the beginning.

The male mind thinks using logic and clear concepts. A woman relies on the feelings that appear in her soul, or on the sensations that appear in her body. In fact, they are usually the same.

A man understands certainty: yes or no?, a man appreciates certainty: do we do or not?, a man creates certainty: I decided, we do it.

I am responsible for this, you are responsible for that. Responsibility, directness, decision — this is a masculine style and language, there is certainty in this.

A woman does not understand certainty and avoids it in every possible way. Her reality is the elusive overflow of sensations inside her, they control her, and to break this inner and alive (her!) External rigid certainties is a betrayal of oneself. Feminine is fluidity and blurring, elusive caring instead of clear responsibility, a change of mood instead of fulfilling the decision made.

A man is more often ready to consider what is happening objectively, in a woman everything is saturated with feelings and subjectivity.

Men prefer to approach everything with a cool head: they analyzed, figured it out, presented the logic of thoughts in words and formulated the resulting conclusion. A woman looks at everything subjectively. The woman does what she now pushes her feelings to, and explains what has already happened in suitable words. The words of a woman are not a logical argument, but a desire to present logically what her feelings have come to.

When a man thinks, either the first or third position of perception works for him: he knows what he wants, and he sees everything that happens from the outside. When a woman thinks, either the first or the second position of perception works for her: she feels her state, she swims in what she wants, and also swims in the feelings of the one who is next to her.

A man, if he is a man, is logical: he first thinks, then he speaks. A man can think sequentially, step by step, this is called coming to a conclusion in a logical way. A woman often relies on her feelings, on her intuition. A thought comes to a woman or does not come, to think a thought consistently — this is incomprehensible to a woman. A woman, in order to think, begins to speak, in the process of talking, feelings appear from inside her, and if this feeling captures her enough, she will do it.

More precisely, she will not do it, but the feeling will make her do it.

A conversation for a woman is not a presentation of what she has already understood and expresses, but the very way of thinking.

If a man has decided something, he said it to himself and he does it. His words have power, a man has a will. Feminine is the absence of I, it is impulsiveness, these are feelings and states that appear inside her and control her behavior. See →

For a man, the right approach to solving a life problem is to take personal responsibility for finding a solution and its implementation. For a woman, caring is more understandable — a state of mind that directs her in the right direction. As for personal responsibility, this does not correspond to the female approach: it is quite enough for her to find someone who will take responsibility instead of her, or to find circumstances that will somehow remove responsibility from her.

Responsibility and care

Let us summarize in a table the main distinguishing features of men and women in the process of solving life problems:

Since men are more characterized by reason and will, in solving life problems they understand and need more advice. Women are more impulsive and prone to feelings, so psychotherapeutic counseling is closer and more understandable to them in solving life problems. See →

Specific cases

Alina cannot leave her mother

Here you can see an example of counseling:

Now I have a difficult task ahead of me — to part with my mother, who asked to live 6 months ago, and now decided to stay forever. She has her own apartment, she rents it out, lives on this money and is happy. I’m like in a trap — until she eats, she won’t leave. I know it sounds silly — an adult 37 year old woman cannot agree with her mother. And here I am in a trap. Requests and persuasion do not help — she only becomes more impudent, interferes in my life. And you know, I don’t even have enough imagination what to come up with. See →

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.