What is love?
For centuries, different people have tried to give different answers to this question. But at least there is no practical answer. I have not met in 6 years of studying this issue, it will be more objective. I noticed only one pattern: creative people intoxicate the meaning of love with artistic images, and pundits with the help of love stick out the superiority of the human race over the rest of the animal world. But real love, without rose-colored glasses, handkerchiefs, bows, without evolutionary perfection, without divine foundations, is not talked about. I even began to think that love is a beautiful myth for the sublime parasitism of one person on another.
Here Vasya lies on the sofa. Watching football. Vasya wanted a beer, which is already in the refrigerator. Well, let’s say the match is very important for him. Well, let’s say poor Vasya was very tired during the day. But he does not talk about this to his “half”. He often says: «Darling, bring a beer.» And the on-duty phrase of women in need of some kind of purchase: “Honey, do you love me?”. And reproach: «If you loved me …»
So what is love? There are many literary and artistic answers. There is no practical, instrumental answer. Isn’t that why we so often lose loved ones and bring them pain. Apparently, therefore, for the majority, love is beautiful words, but not deeds. And real life is actions, these are actions. And the one who loves in a different way, not with artistic images, but with real actions, cannot share his experience. More precisely, he can share, but they don’t want to listen to him. And only because they are waiting for new artistic images, wonderful stories, but they hear everyday advice at the level of “take it and do it”. Those. society does not want to hear everyday recipes about love, it wants delicious stories. But a practical, workable theory of love should still give a more practical answer to the question. For now…
Practical conclusion: any practical recommendation about love should be in the “shell” of an artistic image.
Of course, I gave up hope that all the unsuccessful versions of love known to me are unsuccessful particulars. I certainly hoped that love existed. But in our society, only creative people talk about love. And they talk about it beautifully, sublimely and always with drama.
Well, it’s not good in our hearts when someone loves and no tragedies happen. Well, we will not buy novels that describe how a man and a woman fuss about each other and that’s it. And that’s it! Just take care and enjoy it. Not! Something is wrong here! If everything is good, then they are transformed.
Poets and writers are not yet inspired by reality — “quiet morning, you open your eyes and start to figure out what you need to do now for your loved one. These thoughts fly by instantly, because I have been preparing for this since the evening. And so every morning, 360 days a year. Well, is there a riot of feelings in this? Well, is there a hint of madness in this?
Therefore, art draws us beautiful images of falling in love, passion. Which, unfortunately, is short lived. But art presents us falling in love as true love. We copy these beautiful and sublime examples. Therefore, by default, in our algorithm, under the working title «Love», a tragic variant is necessarily provided. So there is no love?
I began to understand. And this curiosity became the basis, then the already created theory of love. But now let’s figure it out together.
Levels of love
There are six levels of relationship of one person to another person:
- I do not know this person;
- I am acquainted with this person—i.e. somewhere once seen;
- I understand this person—i.e. we talked more than once and I understand his intentions and some tastes, I may not share them, but I understand;
- I want this person — sensory hunger, hormones, wow! But … Not always the desire to possess is associated with sex. I may want this person, for example, as an employee. Those. I want something valuable to me in this person;
- I am ready to endure certain hardships (sacrifice) for the sake of this person — i.e. For me, the relationship with this person is more important than the ensuing inconvenience. Naturally, the more valuable I receive, the more I am willing to endure;
- I can’t live without this person—i.e. a person has become in some way indispensable for me, and without him I feel helpless.
The first level is an indifferent attitude towards a person, because we don’t know him. No information about the person, no relationship.
How do you feel about Anna Grankina? What do you think about Sophie Marceau? And how do you feel about Nikolai Ivanovich Kozlov? How do you feel about your mom? Did you catch the difference?
So, speaking of strong relationships, we are talking about one of two levels — this is when I am ready to endure certain hardships for the sake of a loved one or even cannot live without him. The reverse is also true, when a loved one is ready to endure certain hardships and cannot live without me. In any case, the maximum, sixth level is quite selfish. But without satisfaction of personal needs, without satisfaction of one’s own sensory hunger, it is impossible to feel satisfaction, fulfillment, happiness.
An interesting conclusion can be drawn: any relationship between people tend to dependency. This is the end point. Moving to the level of relationship higher and higher, we eventually become dependent on each other. Maybe this is where we should start dating?
Ask yourself: “Do I want to depend on this person?”. If there is not enough information to answer this question, collect it. By getting to know a person more, we will imperceptibly rise to the fourth level of our relationship. But be sure to answer this question for yourself. Your positive answer will be a signal of readiness to move to the fourth level — the desire to have a loved one, i.e. the choice of a loved one.
Love and psychological conflict
We are naturally selfish. Therefore, in our relationship from the very beginning is already hidden psychological conflict — if I cannot live without a loved one, then I cannot do anything without him.
I think about the person I love. I write sms to a loved one. I fantasize about meeting. I reminisce about the past.
On the other hand, if I realize myself in some activity, then to the detriment of love. And how to be here?
Careerists know their answer to this question — we sacrifice relationships. For romantics, this answer is completely different — what can be more important than love. And both are right in their choice. But in both cases, this is a weak solution. Is it possible otherwise?
One way to resolve this conflict nicely is to uniting one’s own self-realization with a loved one. Practical conclusion: to love means to fulfill oneself in the name of a loved one.
Offer a different solution to this conflict, and you will have a different meaning of love. At the same time, if now there is no beloved woman or man, then parents can be a loved one. Children can be favorites. And last but not least, me personally. What does it mean to love yourself deeply? This means every day self-actualization in the name of yourself.
I think the phrase «in the name of a loved one«. How should it be understood? Live «in the name of«- it means to live, glorifying the name of a loved one. This can be pleasant, but only if a loved one feels the need for glorification, gaining recognition among the environment. Otherwise, efforts may not be appreciated. Therefore, in order for self-realization to be always valuable, it is necessary to direct it to meet the current needs of a loved one. And current needs are constantly changing. So there are plenty of opportunities for self-realization. This process can take forever.
Practical conclusion: opportunities for self-realization are in the current needs of a loved one.
And finally. Bright thought: love cannot be occasional, you need to love every day. Summing up the answer to the question of what love is, we can say: love is a daily self-actualization to meet the needs of a loved one. Agree, some kind of mechanical aftertaste from this phrase, no matter how correct it may be. And at the beginning of the note, I warned that from love we want artistic images, miracles. Let’s say the same phrase more artistically.
The art of love
The phrase «daily» replace with an artistic image «from dawn to dusk»And / or«from the first to the last breath«. The phrase «self-realization»Replace with image«to become better«. The phrase «satisfaction of needs»Replace with image«fulfillment of desires«. Voila!
Love is the desire from the first breath at dawn to the last breath at sunset to become the best for the fulfillment of the desires of a loved one.. Agree, beautiful and to the point. Ask where to start?