Children in children’s groups are extremely disliked. But not every child’s story about another’s misconduct can describe him as a sneak. Perhaps the baby just wants to share what he saw with his mother or teacher so that they can help him do the right thing. The hasty labeling of “sneak” can lead to the fact that children will stop sharing their experiences altogether. How should you react to snitching and where is the line between “denunciation” and the desire to restore justice?
By the way, sneak is condemned only in Russia, “sneak” is a concept of the Slavic mentality. Abroad (for example, in Germany and Great Britain), every adult, having noticed a violation on the part of not only a passer-by, but also a neighbor, considers himself obliged to report this to the police. Friendship is friendship, and observance of law and order is most important. The same applies to children in educational institutions – cheating in civilized countries is equated with theft, depriving the capable and diligent of the chance to get a decent education. It is not a sneak that is dishonored, but those who cheat.
But we live in Russia, so let’s talk about how to comply with domestic morality.
Have you noticed that your child has started to talk a lot about other children’s misconduct? How old is he now? Psychologists advise paying attention primarily to the age of the baby.
If the child is not yet 3 years old, then there can be no talk of any sneering. In a three-year-old child, consciousness is still being formed, and he still cannot predict the consequences of his actions.
It is believed that a child from 3 to 5 years old does not sneak, but tells an adult what happened to him, shares his impressions, emotions and facts. He wants an adult to assess the situation, because it is still difficult for him to do it himself. The task of adults is to discuss with him whether other children behaved correctly or not, and how best to behave next time. From 3 to 5 years, a period of trial and error continues, and it is very important that there are understanding parents next to the child who are always ready to help.
At the age of 5-7 years, children form the concept of responsibility, they are faced with the rules of behavior at home, in kindergarten and later in school. While mastering these rules, they try to comply with them, and also monitor the implementation by other children, because the rules are obligatory for everyone. Seeing that children violate these rules, they resort to a teacher or parent for help, wanting not so much to “convey”, but simply to show adults that they know the rules.
By the age of 9, the child has a new priority – communication with friends, and the child is more relaxed about violations of the rules, understands their relativity.
In elementary school, sneaking is normal. This means that the child has become socialized. Now the task of adults is to teach a child to be friends.
If, at the age of 9-10, the sneering continues, this may be an alarming signal.
How “snare-snakes” appear.
- In some cases an adult makes a sneak out of a child himself… For example, a teacher or teacher asks to tell which of the children misbehaved and somehow played a trick. Perhaps the child believes that such “cooperation” with adults will help him become a leader in the team, and the parents or educator, to whom he will bring important information, will take his opinion into account.
- Children can start to berate out of jealousy or envy… This often happens in families where one offspring gets much more parental attention than others. An unloved child tries to discredit the favorite in the eyes of mom or dad.
- Often children sneak and inform their peers out of revenge or resentment… For example, if a child quarreled with a friend or was not accepted into the game, he tries to punish the offender by telling, and sometimes inventing something about him that will necessarily be punished.
The child can sneak for self-affirmation… He is in a hurry to “sniff” other children as adults in order to feel his own importance, to draw attention to himself and make his peers reckon with him. If the child feels comfortable in the classroom and can express himself in studies, creativity, social activities, then he will not have the need to assert himself with the help of complaints.
Often children with an authoritarian, overly strict upbringing become sneaks – they were taught that everything should be only according to the rules, according to the schedule and nothing else. It is difficult for them to accept their surroundings differently.
How to wean a child from sneaking?
No matter how old a child may be, the most ineffective way to deal with snitching is not to snitch and complain. This behavior is repulsive, violates trust in the adult, and the situation can worsen.
It is always useful to figure out what is behind the sneak:
– if this is a conflict between children, it is necessary to extinguish it in time;
– if you want to earn respect – help the child to prove himself, to show his strengths;
– if this is a feeling of envy, then in this case the child urgently needs your attention, it seems to him that the other has everything, but he is unloved and rejected.
After finding out what happened, ask the child if it was possible to avoid the conflict, what, in his opinion, the offender is wrong and what he would do in his place. Think together what to do next to solve the problem. Very often, positive attention can significantly reduce complaints and denunciations and improve peace. Trusting and understanding your child will help you raise successful and happy people.