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People tend to adapt to the situation, whatever their attitude towards it. Cruelty attracts cruelty, politeness attracts politeness. These few tips will help create a positive atmosphere around you.
1. Slow down the pace
We are used to rushing, we want everything at once, and there is always not enough time to see the world around us and other people. Try to slow down: for example, stop to see the interlocutor.
By slowing down, you reduce stress, which allows you to give those around you the attention they deserve. This will also help you get the right attitude towards yourself.
2. Listen more
By putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes, we can develop empathy, the ability to imagine other people’s feelings and thereby better understand our own. And then, empathy is contagious: others will act towards you in the same way.
Before arguing with someone with whom you disagree, try to understand the other point of view
Try to smile at a waitress in a cafe, even if she brought you coffee for a long time. Imagine what it’s like for her to work all day without a break.
3. Be positive
Our present and future depend on the way of life we live. In difficult moments, try not to bother others with your disappointments – this way you will allow them to be there at the very moment when you most need their support.
4. Respect others
We are accustomed to perceive other people as a means to achieve personal goals, in other words, to exploit them.
Try this intimacy exercise: take some time, pick someone you respect, friends you haven’t seen in a while, and invite them to a coffee shop. Just to chat with these people, to show them how much you appreciate them.
5. Avoid fights
Before arguing with someone you disagree with, try to understand the other point of view. When expressing your opinion, do not humiliate the opposite, if possible, try to find a compromise: “Maybe there really is a different way to look at things”, “I agree with your arguments, but they differ from mine” – and so on.
6. Communicate
If on a plane or train you calmly talk with a fellow traveler about his child, who at that time is behaving badly, for example, kicking your chair with his feet, your protest will be perceived more adequately.
Pay attention to facial expressions and gestures of people. Don’t forget to say “hello”, “thank you”, “nothing”
You will become not just random fellow travelers, but people between whom a certain degree of intimacy will arise.
7. Pay attention to details
Pay attention to facial expressions and gestures of people. Don’t forget to say “hello”, “thank you”, “not at all”. If a person dropped something in front of you, tell him about it. After placing your order, look the waiter in the eye. Such actions are simple and do not cost us anything, but they can leave a mark on the memory of another person.
8. More questions, less ranting
By asking questions, we show not only good manners, but also interest.
Disagree with someone? Instead of saying, “You should have…” and “I’m sure you…,” ask, “Why do you think that?”
When we prioritize questions, the interlocutor does not feel attacked, which means that he does not have to aggressively defend himself.
Author: Pier Massimo Forni is a writer and assistant professor of Italian literature at Johns Hopkins University. He is the author of the book Choosing Politeness: 25 Rules for Tactful Behavior.