“He has such abilities, such potential, but he is constantly lazy!” Parents often sigh when talking about the success of their child. Meanwhile, there are no lazy children. Laziness is always a mask, a defensive reaction. What is she protecting from?
He understands everything, but does not want to do anything. Sitting in front of the computer instead of doing homework or homework. Persuasion and threats help only at first, and then they stop working. Familiar?
Now take a closer look at your child. He is not lazy at all. With what zeal he collects Lego cubes. How passionately he reads a book about the characters of his favorite computer game. With what joy runs to robotics classes. A real lazy person, like Ilya Ilyich Oblomov, is not capable of such a thing, right?
Causes of laziness
So, if your child does not look like a famous character in Russian classics, then laziness is just a defensive reaction, a mask. It occurs for two reasons:
Fear of error
Initially, children are not afraid to make mistakes. We, adults, teach them to be afraid. I didn’t wash the floor clean enough – and now my mother frowns. Wrongly solved the problem – and she sighs quietly. She may not even say anything. The link “did it wrong – you’re good for nothing” is absorbed instantly and without words. Especially if it is broadcast by people close and significant to the child.
The child quickly concludes: it’s easier to pretend to be lazy, bury yourself in gadgets or disappear on the street with friends, but not make mistakes so as not to become “bad”. Even if the phrase “you are good for nothing” is said by a teacher at school, every mother can minimize its significance for a young student. Evaluate not the success of the child, but his efforts.
Do not chase grades – pay attention to whether the child understood the material. In the end, who knows – maybe you have a future genius growing up, and only university professors will be able to recognize his way of solving problems.
Saving vitality
Remember how many planned cases have long been waiting in the wings? Learning to draw, signing up for dances, sorting out children’s photographs – all this seems to be done, and there is no urgent need. When it’s not clear why we need to sign up for dancing right now, our brain turns on the energy-saving mode. Indeed, why make efforts and spend precious resources for no one knows what?
The same thing happens in the head of a child. Why do incomprehensible and boring homework assignments, if they can be written off, and free time is much more pleasant to spend? Why clean the room if the next day there will be the same mess? But when the child himself or with a little help from his parents finds these “why”, questions about the completion of lessons or the order in the room will disappear by themselves.
What to do?
What can I do to help my child cope without a protective mask? These simple guidelines will help you:
- Praise, celebrate even the smallest successes of the child.
- Encourage them to take on challenging tasks and assignments.
- Do not refuse help if he asks. But it should be precisely help, and not performing the task instead of the child.
- Treat mistakes philosophically, as inevitable companions of any process.
- Ask them to think about the importance of certain processes: why it is important to clean the room or learn Russian. Let him formulate his own reasons.
- Teach your child to organize the day so that he has enough time and energy for all activities and entertainment. Make a plan for the day together and help stick to it at first.
It is from the family that the child takes the basic models of behavior and relationships. Show him a model of an effective person who is not afraid to make mistakes and knows how to manage time wisely.
About the Developer
Maria Shvetsova — teacher, game practitioner, specialist in effective learning techniques, author and presenter of a course for parents of schoolchildren to maintain motivation for learning. Her .