How to raise a child healthy and calm, so that at the same time you yourself remain happy and not very wound up? Everyone who has children, I think, is well aware that it is not so easy. Raising young children is a complex but interesting process.
I remember when my daughter was still small, I finally found time for myself and escaped from the house with my friends. I complained to them that I had no rights, only responsibilities. I have to clean everything, I have to cook, I have to wash, I have to put down, I have to undress, dress, serve, move away, wipe, etc.
Well, don’t worry, there is a joke. Tired of baby? Only the first 65 years are hard, and then you get used to it. Ahahahah.
Dear mothers, don’t worry. This period goes by very quickly. After three years, the child becomes more independent every day, and by the age of five I was already almost free. Now I will tell you how to make these first five years easier for yourself, to be not just a mother, but a happy mother.
Forget perfect order. A small child makes a mess around. This is normal, so don’t be bothered by a little mess. As soon as the child grows up, you will again be perfectly clean, and your nerves are intact. I came to my friend, who also has a small son. She quietly cleaned the closet. No screaming in the house, no one hangs on it. The son sits on a rug in the corner and tears up newspapers, making a mess.
“Listen, look what he did to you?”
— Yes, I gave him newspapers on purpose. He likes to tear them, while I win 30 minutes for my business.
What does 30 minutes mean for a tortured mom? Yes, it’s an eternity! Yes, it’s just a gift! Of course, now my daughter will tear up newspapers, I immediately decided.
My daughter in the period from 0 to 1,5 years simply did not get off me. I even went to the toilet with her in my arms. I did not dare to give her a newspaper, because she not only tore the paper, but also took it in her mouth. So I bought a pack of the cheapest writing paper and let it vomit. She tore it into small pieces with such pleasure that she completely forgot about me. At the same time, it turned out that such an activity is very useful for fine motor skills. The child tears papers, develops pens, and you are free, you can quickly cook dinner, or have a little rest.
Gradually, newspapers (paper) got tired. But if you follow the child, you will find other interesting activities.
Then my daughter became interested in splashing in the water. To do something urgent in the kitchen, I took a rubber mat, seated her in a corner of the kitchen, poured warm water into her basin, gave her toys, and she dangled her arms there, splashing water. In general, I was busy with the time I needed. Then I just had to quickly clean everything up and wipe the floor.
When my daughter was 1,8 years old, we came to visit my sister. The daughter painted on the leather armchair, the polished table, and scratched the remote control. My sister was as angry as ever. She did not have children, and she had completely different ideas about raising young children, to put it mildly, far from reality. She was firmly convinced that her children would play in the corner with toys and not spoil things — this is the delusion of all new mothers. It seems to them that beautiful toys are necessary for children and children are not able to tear themselves away from them. Forget about it until age 4. Until this age (maybe even later) children are interested in everything that dad and mom play with. Our daughter smashed 3 phones (although she had several beautiful toy phones) until we thought of putting the device on the floor so that she could talk on the phone at any time.
Everything that mom or dad takes, the child needs right there. Children’s dishes are lying around, but my mother’s pan is so interesting. — Sit the child next to you at the table and give a real pot and spoon. Let it cook while you cook. I also gave large (which can not be put from the ear and nose) pasta, beans and gave her water. She stirred them in a saucepan — cooked. Of course, the daughter «spoiled» the products, but this is a small price to pay for your peace of mind.
Keep away from the eyes of the child those things that you value. Something that can be broken, scratched, broken. Let the rest be toys for him. The remote control, telephone, dishes — all this is interesting for the child.
After 2 years, when the child is already becoming a little independent, use the different rooms for children. For example, in large stores there are special corners where the teacher will follow your child and keep him busy with the game. And you can relax and do some shopping. We also have children’s centers in the city, where a teacher will free you for a couple of hours.
Go to the playgrounds, playing with each other, the children are also distracted from their parents, this is a wonderful vacation for you. In addition, if there is a mother on the site whom you trust, she can follow the child, and you go to the store. In our yard there was such a mother with a daughter, the same age as ours. We took turns staying with the children. For convenience, on such walks, you can use light walking cane strollers.
What other nuances you need to know about raising young children is that young children do not know how to concentrate. For example, you say, «Put on your socks,» and you go on with your business. As soon as you turn away, the child immediately forgets what you asked for.
Once I said that 5 times, the result remained the same. At first I thought it was a riot. That she deliberately doesn’t want to wear socks. But my daughter is obedient and I realized that the reason is different. Because she can’t concentrate.
To achieve the result, I began to do this, I take the socks myself, I go up to her, serve and say: “Put on the socks.” She immediately puts them on in front of me — and the issue is resolved.
Help the child, gradually with the development of the child, concentration will appear. And then there will be enough words.
Once a friend came to me, who has two children of the same age. The eldest is a son, younger than my daughter by a year. A friend said that when she first went to her parents, she saw her children from the side. At first I could not understand this, because until that moment I had not seen my daughter from the outside. I always had the feeling that it hangs on me and is a part of me. However, the hardest part.
Then we went to visit my aunt, my cousin was also there. And the daughter completely forgot about me, slept with her aunt, went everywhere with her aunt. I was free and at the same time I could watch the child as if from afar. Very informative, absolutely not the same feeling when the child is completely with us.
With the moment of growing up, the child begins to move away from his mother, he suddenly realizes that the world is big and everything is interesting to him. There are periods of a kind of crisis, when the child completely refuses to listen to anything. Nothing can be done. You just have to get through this period. It will be completely irreversible. For us it started after 1,5 years (or a little earlier). The daughter began to run away. On the street, she broke loose and rushed away from me. I had to run after her so that she would not jump out onto the road. This is very tiring. No words, no persuasions work. Just went out into the street, everything, she rushed. Recommendations like: «Hide and the child will be scared» did not work on my daughter. I hid behind a tree and looked after her. Daughter turns around — I’m nowhere. She carries on calmly as if nothing had happened. No — and you don’t have to.
And when we were at the Moscow airport, she was 1 year and 10 months old. Only when she saw these open spaces, she began to run away from me. I have 2 suitcases and a bag, it’s hard to run after it. I catch her, I scream at her. She laughs, breaks out — and forward. What are my thoughts? Suddenly someone steals her, or she gets lost, because she still can’t even speak. I literally start to go crazy with fear, I think my mothers will understand me. In the end, having finally gone berserk, I grab her by the scruff of the neck, kick her in the ass, and drag her to passport control. She screams, breaks out. The aunt behind the passport control desk, after watching the whole performance, draws very specific conclusions. After checking all my documents, she took her daughter by the hand and calmly asked:
“Girl, where is your mother?” (Daughter points her finger at me). “Obviously, it’s Mom.
The reaction of this woman made me think about how I can simplify the task for myself and endure this period calmly? Do not scare others, and especially the child?
Here are the methods that helped me get through this period:
1. There are special carts in stores, I put my daughter in the cart and calmly shopped. So it was interesting for her, and there was no way to jump out.
2. There are also trolleys at the station and at the airport. I stacked suitcases on them, sat my daughter on top and rolled her around until it was time to get on a train or plane. In the next article I will write about traveling with a small child. My daughter has been traveling with me once a year since she was 5 months old, and I have accumulated some experience.
3. At home, we began to go to closed yards where there are no cars and you can safely run away from your mother and return to her again. It is much further from home, but there I could relax and sit quietly on a bench. Gradually, this period passed, I even forgot what it was.
And in conclusion, I want to shed some light on the issue of children’s theatrical performances and all sorts of social events. Children get tired. Depending on their age, their patience lasts from 20 to 40 minutes maximum. Therefore, when taking your child to a performance, be prepared to go home in 20 minutes. The child gets tired, starts jumping up, spinning, the idea no longer interests him. Do not spoil the nerves of yourself, or the child, or the neighbors. Go away. Until the age of 5, we went to all the performances for a little bit. The daughter immediately began to want: «to go to the toilet, drink, it’s hard to sit, or it’s not interesting.» One way or another, I had to force my mother to leave.
Only at the age of 6 she was able to watch the circus performance and not get tired. And from 7 I send her alone to watch a cartoon in the cinema, I myself wait for her at the entrance.
Do everything to make you feel good. Take every opportunity to make your parenting and early childhood education easier. Then you will be satisfied, and it will not even occur to you to blame the child for the troubles caused to you. The mother is not the child’s slave, the child does not want the mother to be his slave. Our children need happy and rested mothers! So ask yourself the question of how to raise a child and not get tired, and the answer will definitely come.