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Slowing down helps you discover new sensations while staying in touch with your emotions. However, this understanding of sex is not typical of our culture, where desire and pleasure are associated with impulses and arousal. How to slow down during sex and still not lose heat?
Sexologist Diane Richardson has been teaching slow sex for over 20 years and she is sure that each of us can give a word to our body. “Try to slow down and be fully present in every moment of sexual intercourse, instead of focusing on orgasm, depriving yourself of the opportunity to feel subtle nuances throughout sexual intercourse,” she advises.
“Sexual slowness allows you to re-awaken all feelings,” says sexologist Yuri Prokopenko, “it opens the door for emotions and eliminates the need to show results, which is especially important for men.”
Sexologist Alain Eril comes to the same conclusion, and this also applies to the problem of premature ejaculation, and the return of attraction to couples with experience: “It is no coincidence that the pioneers of modern sexology William Masters and Virginia Johnson developed sensate focus — a method of slow and conscious examination of the body, turning it into a sensory laboratory.»
1. Change roles
Just believing in the benefits of slowness is not enough to effortlessly put it into practice. In our culture, and therefore in our minds, time must bring results, including the time spent on sex. Hence the need to go straight to your goal, that is, to orgasm.
Slow sex is the opposite: pleasure along the way, when caresses and glances cause accompanying sensations
Head and body become one. Our experts note that such a change in pace allows you to give the partner the role of a full participant in the process, and not just an instrument for achieving pleasure.
It is important to keep in mind: many men are sure that they are responsible for the pleasure of their partner. The proposed redistribution of roles allows everyone to give and receive, and thereby reduce the threat of disappointment.
2. Be aware of yourself
Slowing down allows you to become more aware of yourself and your partner, but also yourself under the gaze of a partner. It is not so easy, especially for those who suffer from complexes.
Sophrological striptease helps to get rid of tension, when we imagine that with each piece of clothing we remove some kind of complex or anxiety from ourselves. Having stripped completely, we find ourselves liberated and accessible.
Those who engage in this practice radically change their lives, because they are again ready to follow their body.
Blocks and bodily clamps are removed, unrealistic expectations go away
It is important to keep in mind: when we focus on sensations and explore new experiences, we rediscover ourselves, and also realize that it is we ourselves who limit our sexuality and sensuality. During sex, the body needs only one thing: that we turn off the head and let it control the situation!
3. Create an environment
For slow sex, sensual surroundings are important. Smells, colors and textures all help to make sensations the centerpiece of an intimate relationship. Bath and massage also take on an erotic character. We seem to honor ourselves and each other. It is no coincidence that in tantra the body is regarded as a temple.
It is important to keep in mind: the external environment in which the date takes place really contributes to slowness in sex, since it encourages the pleasure of all five senses, which is unattainable in a hurry.
4. Try different facets of sexuality
However, slowness should not be made the new normal and the holy grail of sexuality. More impulsive, more animal relationships are also part of human sexuality. Sexuality also feeds on healthy aggression, which should not disappear altogether.
It is important to keep in mind: each couple is free to try different facets of sexuality. Free to enjoy at your own pace, according to your desires and moods. Without the obligatory achievement of the result. Finally!
5. Surprise each other
The arrangement of the place, the conscious preparation for the meeting — all this is already part of the love ritual. And the best way to not succumb to stress is to imagine this ritual as a sensual and emotional experience. If this experience flows into sexual and erotic interaction, good; if it remains sensual and emotional, that is also good.
It is important to feel in the depths of yourself that all this is for your benefit, and not to obey the sexual routine.
Massage each other, caress each other, talk, explore new erogenous zones… All of these are parts of slow sex. The goal is really to diversify bodily pleasures and surprise yourself and each other.
It is important to keep in mind: Our brain doesn’t like surprises. Slowing down in order to invent new sensations unbalances him, and this is precisely what leads to unexplored excitement and activates desire.
1 D. Richardson «Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality» (Destiny Books, 2011). Diana Richardson’s book «The Heart of Tantric Sex» (Sofia, 2011) has been published in Russian.