Contents
Whether we like a given person is decided within seconds during the first meeting. Sympathy is conditioned by many, often independent of human factors. People subconsciously seek the company of someone who is physically attractive and shows great resemblance to themselves. Why do we feel the need for acceptance? What factors make us popular? How to recognize if someone likes us?
- Beautiful means good? – we are often impressed by what experts call the “halo effect”
- Observing body language is an easy way to determine if a person likes their interlocutor. What to pay attention to?
- A sincere smile and presence is a simple recipe for arousing warm feelings in people
- More information can be found on the Onet homepage
About the need to be liked
Man craves acceptance from the rest of the herd. We are – to repeat after Aristotle – social animals. While most species cluster in order to survive, to hunt effectively, or to procreate, humans crave group membership for different reasons. The driving instinct of humanoids is the necessity to build lasting emotional bonds.
The possibility of contact with others is one of the main factors in shaping a personality. The desire to be appreciated for who you are is the engine that drives interpersonal relationships. Satisfying the need for social acceptance it determines the mental balance of an individual. What makes us like someone?
Behaviors that prove that we are liked
Why are some people closer than their own brother, and why the proverbial knife in the pocket opens at the sight of others? What makes us like someone? Social psychology distinguishes four basic factors that determine sympathy for a person:
Physical attractiveness
As shallow as that sounds, the fact is that beautiful people are better perceived by others. Numerous studies prove that pleasant appearance is instinctively combined with other valuable features. This means that when we see a handsome man or a pretty woman, we assume that they are also intelligent, good or helpful. A similar mechanism is referred to as «aureole effect» (Ang. halo effect). Psychology defines this phenomenon as a tendency to automatically assign a number of positive qualities to people who we know have at least one quality that we value (for example, that they are punctual).
Similarity
«Chameleon effect» is an experimented theory that people tend to like someone who shares common characteristics with them. The same hobbies, childhood experiences, or even copying gestures, or a similar way of speaking – all of this arouses sympathy. The company of similar people allows you to feel comfortable and safe. For obvious reasons, they seem trustworthy and therefore easy to like.
High frequency of contacts
Research conducted in 1963 by Leon Festinger, Stanley Schachter and Kurt Back showed that people you meet often – schoolmates, neighbors, friends from the gym – have a better chance of winning someone else’s friendship. Someone whom you see systematically ceases to be a mystery – he becomes predictable, “tame”, in a word harmless.
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Does he / she like me? What are the signs of sympathy?
By typing passwords into the web browser «how to be liked?»Or« interpersonal attractiveness »we search not only for articles that answer the questions asked, but also for numerous publications on manipulation techniques. This proves that expressions of sympathy are sometimes used as deceptions to influence another person and make it easier for someone to achieve a specific goal. Therefore, knowing and being able to identify the features that indicate that you are genuinely liked seems very important. Which is proof of sincere sympathy?
Body language
Non-verbal communication is generally an underappreciated and neglected method of communication – which is a pity! Gestures, facial expressions and tones of voice can express more than words. It is easy to deceive someone thanks to verbal statements. The language of gestures is harder to control. Former FBI agent and author of the book “Body Language Dictionary” Joe Navarro gave an interesting interview in the British “Independent”. An ex-employee of special services reveals how, by observing the reactions of someone’s organism, he can tell whether a given person likes us or not. Signals of sympathy have:
- Dilated pupils – wide open eyes mean that what we are looking at we simply like and evoke positive emotions. On the other hand, the opposite movement – the constriction of the irises – symbolizes a hidden aversion. The reactions of the eyeballs are unconditional reflections – they cannot be controlled, which makes them irrefutable evidence of certain feelings.
- Feet facing the interlocutor – the body subconsciously expresses the emotions of the individual. If a person enjoys being in someone’s company, if they are looking for intimacy, the positioning of their feet will reflect this. Limbs pointing towards a friend express friendship.
- Open body posture it proves that we are dealing with someone who values our company highly. Leaning towards the interlocutor, freely positioned, uncrossed limbs and showing the inside, open hands are signs of sympathy.
Seeking the company of another person
Liked people gather around them a group of people whose attention they often do not even strive for. If someone takes pleasure in being in a given company and looks for reasons to meet, it is most likely because he has sincere kindness.
Finding time to meet regardless of the circumstances
It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the working week – 10 a.m. or 15 minutes before midnight – someone who sets aside a few minutes for a meeting at any time of the day or night puts a lot of effort into acquaintance. A very important clue to answer the question, “Am I liked?”, May be the way people decline an invitation. The person interested in maintaining contacts, refusing to participate in the event, will at the same time provide an alternative date of the tryst. Someone who disregards an offer without giving any good reason than proposing a different date probably does not want company.
Authentic interest
The way you say something can reveal a lot about someone’s feelings for the other person. People who are sympathetic to each other tend to want to get as much information as possible about each other’s opinions and preferences. There is interest in asking so-called “open-ended questions” – designed to give you as detailed answers as possible -. While the phrase “how’s the weekend?” it is only a polite continuation of the conversation, the phrase “what do you think about the exhibition you visited on Saturday?” means a desire to tighten a bond.
- See also: Temperament – how much does it define our personality?
Listen carefully to what the other person has to say
People love to talk about themselves, and a good listener is worth their weight in gold. An honest interest in someone else’s life is one of the compelling evidence that someone likes us. How do you know the audience involved? The answer is «Selective filtering» – a mechanism responsible for remembering only information that is important for an individual. The addressee of the words, who remembers the seemingly trivial messages thrown long ago, inadvertently, feel heartfelt towards the interlocutor.
Giving someone a sincere smile
Lips stretched in expression of joy convey more than dozens of words. The smile that appears on the face of the person greeting someone says: “I’m glad to see you”, “I missed you”, “I really like you”. However, there is one condition: the cheerful grimace must be sincere. There is a large group of people who pretend to be sympathetic for various reasons. How not to be deceived and recognize the genuine expression of satisfaction? If it is genuine, a spider web of fine expression lines will form around the eyes, and the pupils will glow with the world.
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The fact is that in order for a person to feel fulfilled, his need for social acceptance must be met. However, it is worth remembering that there are no people liked by everyone. It is impossible to meet the expectations of everyone encountered on the way of creation. We are different from each other and this diversity is beautiful. The most important thing is to accept yourself – the opinion of others is sometimes a matter of secondary importance.
We encourage you to listen to the latest episode of the RESET podcast. This time, Dr. Agnieszka Bolikowska – the founder of Linguistics, creator of the 6oMethod® method, will tell us about what slow learning is. How to break the language barrier? How to learn to make mistakes? You will learn about this and other aspects of language learning in today’s episode. Listen!