How often do you apologize for being distracted, for taking up someone’s time, for being anywhere at all? Most likely, this is no longer just a good upbringing, but a lack of self-confidence. Give yourself the right to exist!
“Recently, I’ve been seeing this phenomenon more and more often: people are apologizing simply for their existence. “I’m sorry I put my purse on the table! Sorry for taking up your time! Forgive me for making noise. Sorry for taking up space. Forgive me!” says psychotherapist Karen Leuthen.
Some men are used to apologizing often. And women! Many do it endlessly, as if they do not give themselves the right to exist.
“I want to say directly to everyone who is used to apologizing all the time: do not be afraid to take up your space,” says Karen Leuthen. Some of us constantly have thoughts that we need to take up less space, “shrink”, be less visible. This inner monologue often goes on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
“Such statements are absolutely false, but since they are constantly repeated in our head, they seem to us true. Where do such ideas come from? Usually the source is to be found in family, religion, culture,” Loyten explains. It is not our fault that we have to fight these thoughts. They seem to have appeared uninvited and decided to settle in our head.
Even the simplest actions can give you a boost of confidence. For example, sitting in a cafe, make yourself comfortable
But we are able to win back our space! Psychotherapy can help: by working hard on ourselves, step by step, we can gradually feel that we have the right to exist.
Even the simplest actions can give you a boost of confidence. For example, sitting in a cafe, make yourself comfortable, so that you feel comfortable.
“Put your purse on the table, take out your lipstick and mirror, and paint your lips brighter. Remind lingering limiting beliefs that it’s time for them to retire. None of those around you will even notice your actions, and even more so will not condemn you. These fears have always been unfounded. So feel free to fix your makeup right at a table in a cafe, without being distracted from the conversation. You will immediately feel stronger and more confident,” advises Karen Leuten.
Did you see interesting news? Interested in a topic and learned a lot? Share with others! Look for those who can support and share your interests, who are also constantly striving to learn something new.
“And if thoughts arise that it is better to sit quietly and not stick out, throw them out of your head. There will always be a lot of those who will be interested in listening to your story. So when you feel like sharing something, don’t hold back, be bold,” advises Loyten. You will surely “infect” those around you with your newfound confidence.
Stay where you are comfortable. Speak when and what you need. Express your values. And just be
Let’s take another typical example. You began to realize that the relationship with your current partner is no longer suitable for you. Will you wait until he decides to change something?
If deep down you understand that everything is bad, then you have every right to take the initiative and leave before your relationship finally degrades to a “toxic” and unhealthy level. Such relationships degrade us, as if making us feel smaller and insignificant.
You do not need to look for some perfect occasion or ask for the approval of loved ones. You don’t need to give advance notice. Getting rid of a partner who does not appreciate and support you, you will feel an investment, as if breaking free from captivity. In addition, having decided to take such a step, you will inevitably begin to look at yourself in a new way. After all, you were able to do it.
“When putting on a coat, boldly stretch out your arms as you like. If you are not satisfied with your intimate life, start changing something. In theaters and restaurants, feel free to demand better seats. Stay where you are comfortable. Speak when and what you need. Express your values and broadcast your truth. And just be,” sums up Karen Loyten.