Dialogue is undoubtedly one of the best ways to understand each other. However, there are a number of situations where the folk wisdom “silence is golden” is much more effective in helping to maintain relationships. Consider the options when it is more expedient to remain silent.
We all face situations where it is especially difficult not to react to something that hurts a lot in someone’s words or actions. However, our impulsive reactions, as a rule, only confuse an already difficult situation.
At this moment, no matter how difficult it is, it is worth taking a short pause, which will provide an opportunity to assess whether our emotional response can correct the situation or only worsen it.
If a person is dear to you, then it is better not to cross the emotional threshold, which may turn out to be critical for your counterpart.
“Your interlocutor, for various reasons, may be too sensitive to any criticism,” says Leon Selzer. – He sees behind this only that he is rejected, they are not valued. And it is difficult for him to separate a personal attitude towards him from a simple divergence of opinion. Thus, your negative remarks will only cause pain.”
It is worth considering his vulnerability and not aggravate the situation at the most critical moment.
Sometimes a relationship is worth leaving the other person trapped in their delusions.
Try never to touch on a discussion of a person’s appearance, unless this is your close friend and you are sure that your words will not offend him. Otherwise, even if you are specifically asked to critically evaluate a hairstyle or clothing, focus only on those features that you like.
The same rule applies to those situations where a person has discovered ignorance of a question in the correct answer to which you are sure. Before immediately entering into an argument, consider whether the subject itself is worth escalating the situation. What will fundamentally change if you start to prove the wrong of the interlocutor, besides the fact that you will offend him?
“Sometimes a relationship is worth it to leave the other person trapped in what we think are delusions, most of which are completely harmless,” Selzer said.
When we hear constructive criticism addressed to us, especially from a person whose opinion we trust, then, before violently interrupting the interlocutor, it is useful to temporarily forget about our insulted “I” and listen to his words. If you want to object, then at least listen carefully to his point of view first.
Allowing people to be frank with us, we also get the opportunity to evaluate ourselves from the outside.
Arguing only provokes irritation of your interlocutor. If your counterpart is nervous and clearly not in control of himself, any arguments at this moment will be meaningless and can only ruin the relationship. The most reasonable thing you can do is to let the person speak out, throwing out resentment and negative emotions.
“Let the other person feel that you understand and share their feelings,” Selzer suggests. – To do this, just do not interrupt your counterpart and do not look away. Perhaps at this moment you will be able to read a lot between the lines and understand why exactly your interlocutor is so traumatized.
If someone drags you into an argument for the sake of an argument, the smartest thing to do is to leave the game.
Obeying a simple impulse to immediately respond with a verbal blow to blow, we also risk only aggravating the situation. Once we stop controlling our emotions, we are easily able to say things that we may later regret.
“It is always difficult for us to determine the point of no return – the moment when we have little control over ourselves,” Selzer recalls. – Try to listen to yourself, to enter into harmony with your body. Is your heart starting to beat faster? Are your palms moist? Uncomfortable feeling in the abdomen? These are internal warning red flags that should be addressed immediately.”
Try taking a few deep breaths and relaxing your muscles. The visualization technique can also help, when we mentally transfer ourselves to a different situation that supports us – our own home, nature. The main thing is not to let emotions overshadow the rational perception of the situation.
If someone drags you into an argument for the sake of an argument, acting out their own demagogy tendencies on you, the most sensible thing is to get out of the game.
“Once you try to defend your case, you have already lost,” says Selzer. “After all, you are not being drawn into an intellectual duel, but into a kind of psychological harassment. Where the opposite side enjoys both the fact that you are losing control of yourself, and the fact that the argument, fueled by the most ridiculous arguments that you are trying so hard to refute, can be extended indefinitely.
Now is the time to remember the immortal lines of Mark Twain, calling never to argue with stupid people who lower you to their level in order to skillfully crush you with experience of their stupidity.