Signs that your partner’s jealousy is dangerous

Signs that your partner’s jealousy is dangerous

Psychology

According to the expert in relationships Lidia Alvarado, jealousy deteriorates all kinds of relationships and those who have had affective references whose relationship was marked by jealousy, are more likely to reproduce these attitudes in their adult life since they unconsciously learned that that was the right thing

You’re a jealous person? This common feeling, not only in humans, can hinder any type of relationship when its intensity is very high, causing so much control and distrust on the other person that they restrict their freedom, something that makes coexistence very complicated.

Although jealousy is often considered a demonstration of interest and love towards the couple, the truth is that in reality they are a reflection of the lack of confidence and security of the one who feels them. Jealousy towards our partner or from her towards us comes from the fear that she will be unfaithful or lose her. Lidia Alvarado, psychologist and expert in relationship between couples, explains that they are a

 emotional response that seeks to protect that element that is considered under threat: “The fear of being rejected or being replaced by another person can lead to distorted or irrational thoughts».

When jealousy is dangerous

The psychologist Lidia Alvarado ensures that jealousy becomes pathological the moment it floods the entire relationship, preventing happy moments, and when limit freedom of the other member of the couple. «You have to be alarmed when the other person, instead of worrying about the person you love, mistrusts them; when you have a strong sense of possession towards your partner, which leads you to love control everything you do“, He says.

An example, according to the psychologist, would be those cases in which one of the parties comes to believe that they are the owner of the other. «This happens when try to hoard all the couple’s time, or that it does not have other social relationships, “he explains. “The sickly jealous he tends to frequently imagine that the partner is unfaithful, that he wants other people to like him through his clothes or other factors, and puts pressure on him to change his way of dressing and to be physically careless. He does not want it to attract anyone’s attention, “he says.

There are some common traits that would characterize people who are more prone to being jealous:

Low self-esteem. It could be factor number one since people with a low perception of themselves, who believe they are not enough, have great insecurity and project it towards the other person. Lidia Alvarado explains that they will feel fear that someone “better” will snatch their love away from them and replace them: “By not considering themselves worthy of affection, they will feel distrust of your partner’s feelings, being able to come to think that they are fake ».

Emotional dependence. «There are people who do not know how to be alone and need to have a person permanently by their side to feel good. Without it they feel empty, which is why they live permanently scared at the possibility of being abandoned “, explains the expert in couple relationships. In these cases, jealousy is not motivated so much by affection towards the other, but by a concern for oneself.

Fear of not being able to find a partner. They feel enormous social pressure if they do not go out with someone and this makes them hold on to what they have in case they do not find another.

Repeating a pattern of jealousy. “Those who have had affective references (parents) whose relationship was marked by jealousy, are more likely to reproduce these attitudes in their adult life since they unconsciously learned that this was the right thing to do,” he says.

Previous experiences. Lidia Alvarado reveals that those people who have suffered abandonment or infidelity are more likely to be jealous with their partners. Due to a strong disappointment they have become more distrustful or suspicious for fear of being betrayed again.

The sickly jealous …

• Has negative feelings towards people around the couple, such as family, friends or coworkers, distrusting them.
• Makes personal comparisons with the people around the couple on a daily basis.
• She perceives the partner’s wishes as proof that she is dissatisfied with the current relationship.
• View your partner’s past relationships as a constant threat.
• Permanently control the phone or social networks of the couple; they need to maintain permanent contact with the other person.
• He does not allow the couple to carry out activities individually or to develop pleasant hobbies.
• Demand the couple to tell about everything they have done throughout the day.
• Call the couple frequently on the phone, to find out where they are or what they are doing (not letting them breathe).
• Go through their clothing or belongings for evidence of possible infidelity.
• Monitor your spending, anticipating that you are doing things with someone else.
• You undervalue or criticize your partner to try to make them more insecure and less independent.

«Many times the person who suffers from jealousy is aware of having a problem, but is usually reluctant to seek help; or says that it will change, but that moment never comes, alerts Lidia Alvarado. For the expert there is no doubt that jealousy deteriorates all kinds of relationships and when they begin to be pathological, the intervention of a professional will be necessary to determine the cause, to find the most effective solution that allows to put an end to them or, at least, to control them.