In this case, neither medication nor prayers will help – the psychological factor of infertility is too strong.
Both are healthy, finances and housing conditions allow, but they cannot conceive. According to experts, idiopathic infertility, when the reasons that prevent pregnancy can not be detected, are diagnosed in 10-20% of cases.
“I have a patient with 15 years of experience of infertility, who had 4 unsuccessful IVF attempts and 1 unsuccessful surrogacy program, – said gynecologist-reproductologist “Nova Clinic” Olga Livina… “The cause of reproductive dysfunction has remained unclear over the years. She managed to get pregnant and give birth to two healthy babies in the IVF program only after she and her husband took the abandoned baby from the hospital. In my opinion, the reason for all the previous failures was precisely the psychological factor. “
As doctors explain, in the human head there are dominants (a set of nerve cells in a certain part of the brain) that make our body, body and psyche perform only the most important function at a particular moment in time. The dominant of reproduction and the dominant of anxiety are incompatible with each other. When one of them works, the second one turns off.
“The reproductive sphere is the only functional system of the body that is formed and works under the control of the psyche. Therefore, we can assert that the reasons for failures lie deep inside, where the ultrasound machine and the laparoscope do not penetrate: in the soul, in the subconscious of a person, ”said Maria Tsareva, reproductive psychologist, head of the Lelei maternity support center.
And what to do in such a situation? Go to a sanatorium, go for procedures, do women’s practices, consult an astrologer, or go to a monastery? This is unlikely to help. Psychologists say that there may be a woman’s subconscious fear of having a child.
“A woman is afraid of getting pregnant, because she is afraid to give birth, the consequences after childbirth, she does not want to change her usual way of life, she is not ready to devote all her time to her baby – but you never know what personal hidden reasons she may have.
I often hear from women: “It is customary in our society: two loving people should have a child, and if, after a long family experience, the baby has not been born, the people around him consider it strange. But I myself cannot answer whether I want to become a mother or not. “
Let’s look at real-life examples of what provokes a strong subconscious fear.
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A woman for 10 years cannot get pregnant, she decided on an IVF procedure, but after 4 attempts there is no result. It turned out that 12 years ago, her first child died in childbirth as a result of a medical error. This is the reason for her infertility: the fear of losing the baby again.
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The spouses have been happily married for more than 7 years, the husband is very much looking forward to the birth of a child, although he is delicate with his wife. In the process of psychological work with the woman, we found out that her mother had instilled from childhood that after the birth of her children her life only got worse, she was forced to quit a good job, gained weight, grew ugly, etc.
In this case, the cause of infertility is negative attitudes-myths associated with motherhood.
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Another case: over 20 years of marriage, a woman had several miscarriages. After the last interruption, she refused to have an intimate relationship with her husband altogether. The couple remained childless. The woman herself grew up without a mother, she died early, therefore she has many difficult experiences associated with motherhood and a subconscious mindset “if I become a mother, I will die soon.”
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In another situation, the girl got married a second time, and the problem with pregnancy is repeated again. When talking, I notice that she, an adult woman, has a lot of childish things – facial expressions, gestures, speech. She talks about herself in the manner adopted for describing babies – with diminutive expressions. Probably, the “child” cannot have a child. This may be the reason for her failure to become a mother.
What gives out in a woman her inner protest against motherhood
There are several behavioral markers that betray subconscious fear of motherhood. We emphasize: a woman does this without realizing herself. On a conscious level, she is sure that she really wants to have children, but for some reason, pregnancy does not occur. So, if a woman is not ready to become a mother, then she:
forgets to take pills, vitamins;
postpones the visit to the doctor (naturally, for “objective” reasons);
on ovulation days, quarrels with her man or does not feel well;
chooses a barren man;
works hard and gets very tired;
has chronic diseases, often catches a cold.
How can this be fixed
You have to try to understand yourself. Deal with my internal attitudes and admit to myself: do I really want children, what prevents me from wanting to become a mother?
To help patients, psychologists suggest doing this exercise. Make yourself comfortable in the chair. Close your eyes and imagine a baby in your arms. Consider it mentally. Try to feel it. Stay with your child for a while.
How did you feel? What thoughts do you have? Write down keywords, phrases, sentences. This will help in defining attitudes towards children and motherhood. This was the first step, and the second was an appeal to a specialist psychologist.