What relationships are considered toxic? Those that do not make anyone happy, do not enrich spiritually. On the contrary, they lead to psychological problems and exacerbate them up to mental disorders and physical ailments.
It takes people years to get out of such relationships, and years before that, to realize that they are toxic. What warning signs should be heeded? This type of relationship has several symptoms.
Parasitism. You feel like a Chinese worker at the Apple factory who works day and night, while your partner seems to be quite content with life — making childhood dreams come true, having fun, building a career, not particularly caring about the material side of work.
Check with whom your partner lives, with you or with the comforts that you create for him: tell him (or her) that you are going to leave a high-paying job for a more modest one, but one where you can reveal your talents. Or that you can no longer do all your homework alone while he (she) deigns to relax at the computer. The reaction of the partner will be more eloquent than words.
Constant clarification of relations with a partner or relatives can lead to depression
Ridicule and constant quarrels. “He is a kind person, he just has a peculiar sense of humor”, “Lovely ones scold — they only amuse themselves” — how many excuses are we ready to come up with for the person with whom we live, even if he spoils the mood every day with cruel jokes and quarrels from scratch.
Meanwhile, such relationships can be literally toxic: neurophysiologists have found that constant social stress leads to increased production of two proteins in the body that provoke inflammation and metabolic disorders. Constant showdown with a partner or relatives can lead you to depression, heart disease and even cancer. Consider whether this is an adequate payment for living with this person.
Inability to talk about problems. If your partner does not want to hear that something needs to be changed, this indicates that he is quite comfortable. However, if at the same time you feel that there is a problem in your relationship, this is a sign that there is no harmony in your union, while one is enjoying, the other is uncomfortable. Such relationships will continue to be poisoned by the poison of misunderstanding and unwillingness to hear the other — the inability to reach out to a partner leads to despair and a sense of life’s dead end.
Self-hatred and feelings of unhappiness. One of the main consequences of getting bogged down in the web of toxic relationships is growing dissatisfaction with yourself: when there is a person next to you who constantly underestimates you, sooner or later you begin to think that he is right, and you are an untalented, dull and hopeless person. Sometimes the psyche tries to tell us that we are on the road to disaster.
Researchers have found that many girls who suffer from anorexia due to nervousness hear an “inner voice” that guides their actions. He often interferes with their healing by having an illusory «conversation» with them on gloomy and bleak topics.
Psychologists decided to find out what this voice mainly talks to them about — for this purpose they studied letters, diaries and literary works (stories and poems) of patients. And we found out that he discusses relationships, more often not with a partner, but with his mother, close relatives or friends. And they are the most important reason for the development of anorexia in patients.
In a toxic relationship, you are not bound by a common future and not a joint present, but by the past.
Inability to think about a joint future. A distinctive feature of a good relationship is a sense of stability and confidence in a partner: even if you live with a war correspondent who is not at home for several months in a row, you can make common plans with him and see the future.
In toxic relationships, it’s different: you are not connected by a common future and not a joint present, but by the past — you are trying to find an excuse for the fact that you are still together, in warm memories that may be five or ten years old. If it’s embarrassing, and sometimes even scary, to think about a joint future, this is a sign that relationships are poisoning life.
Manipulation. What makes a person stay in a toxic relationship, even if they have long realized that they are in a dead end? Fear of being alone, showed a study conducted by Canadian psychologists. Through fear, men and women continue to live with partners who destroy their identity.
A toxic partner most often feels or is even fully aware of the fear of his soulmate of being abandoned and tries, with the help of this fear, to demand for himself more and more new conditions on which he is ready to remain in this union. Power spoils: the stronger your dependence on a partner, the more arrogant and selfish he will behave.