Usually adults consider shyness a disadvantage. Many people think that this trait is characteristic of children with low self-esteem. In fact, modesty can become a disadvantage only if parents perceive this quality in a bad light. A shy child can be just as happy and just as confident as his fighting peers.
One woman said that she was a modest child as a child, but her parents never told her that modesty was a disadvantage. As a result, she grew up as a cautious but confident person. And another woman complained that she was constantly criticized for being shy. Parents tried to change her all the time: “Why don’t you behave like other children?”, “Why are you so unsociable?” Since then, she often doubts herself, and at such moments she sees her mother screaming: “Come on! Approach them and start a conversation!”
How a child perceives his shyness depends entirely on the parents. If they treat the child as a person and accept his modesty as a character trait, and not as a flaw, then he will be confident in himself and will be able to enjoy life in the same way as other children. But if parents begin to pay too much attention to the modesty of the child, he will begin to doubt his qualities. Perceiving shyness as a character trait and feeling that it is a flaw are two very different things. When parents think that modesty is a disadvantage, the child considers himself inferior.
Shyness is a trait, not a flaw. Shy children are always very sweet, generous and well-behaved. As a rule, they know how to listen and respect someone else’s point of view. They like it when other children participate in their games. Although sometimes they are pinched, in other situations they feel absolutely confident. They enjoy playing with a small group of children (two or three people) and talking with one adult. If a shy child is interested in something, there will be no trace of his tightness. He begins to be shy only because of the excessive attention of others.
Usually children never suffer from their modesty, much more often this trait annoys parents. They feel embarrassed when their child does not behave as glibly as other children. It seems to them that they look at the baby reprehensibly or simply do not pay attention to him, but are more engaged with other, more active children.
Parents can help themselves and their child avoid embarrassing situations and protect them from criticism from outsiders. For example, many modest children are embarrassed to say “hello” or answer questions from adults. Let the parents do this for them and start a conversation in a relaxed way to divert the attention of the interlocutor from the child. An attempt to talk a child will lead to a worse result, he may completely withdraw into himself and become silent.
At the same time, it is necessary to develop initiative and independence in the child. Encourage your child to communicate in everyday life: turn to someone with a request, give something (for example, money to the seller). At the first stages, the presence and participation of a familiar adult is mandatory.
Role-playing games help to overcome awkward situations. Play with your child: “Let’s imagine that you meet Jackie in the hallway of the school. How will you greet her?”, “Imagine that I am Aunt Karen and I ask you: “How are you at school?”. Role playing can be very helpful.
But you should not expect uninhibited behavior from a child in an uncomfortable environment for him.
If parents are expecting guests, they must prepare the child for this. Well, if one of his friends comes to him. Or he can help prepare the apartment for the reception of guests, and then go to his room. In any case, if parents create a situation where no one will fix their attention on the child, it will be easier for everyone.
Parents are always interested to know how a child can overcome shyness in school. If this problem worries you too, observe how your child feels among classmates. It is not necessary at the very beginning of the school year to tell the teacher that your child is shy. The teacher may treat him differently than other children, and thereby exacerbate the problem. Over time, the child will begin to communicate more confidently with classmates. Raise the issue of your child’s modesty at a parent-teacher conference. Explain to teachers that they should not tell him that shyness is a fault. In addition, they should not take on the responsibility of changing the character of the child.
Many teachers love quiet students. Therefore, your humble son or daughter will eventually be rewarded for their good behavior, perhaps even more than you wished for. For example, one girl received an honorable mention for being quiet. Then, during the parent-teacher meeting, the teacher announced to the girl’s parents that she was too shy. To which the parents replied in bewilderment: “But you yourself praised her for being quiet!” and asked the teacher to stop paying attention to the girl’s modesty and reward her not for her behavior, but for academic success and participation in extracurricular activities.
Sometimes your shy child will come home from school frustrated because it is difficult for him to participate in social activities, but at home he will suddenly become active and demanding. Do not swear at him, because he needs to splash out his emotions somewhere. If the child feels confident at home, he will tell you why he is embarrassed to participate in extracurricular activities. Of course, as he grows older, it will be easier for him to “open his soul” to his parents if they create an atmosphere of comfort at home.
Sometimes it will seem to you that your child will forever remain “humble”, but in fact it is difficult to predict in advance how his character will change over time. Many children, very shy during elementary school, then become combative. Anyway, your main duty is to take the child’s shyness as a natural trait of character and create all conditions so that he feels comfortable in any situation.