We often hear advice like: «Have sex more often and everything will work out in your relationship.» Is there really a connection between the amount of sex and the feeling of happiness?
In 2015, scientists at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh conducted a study that was supposed to show whether people become happier if they have more sex. The experiment involved 128 couples. Half of them were given the task of having sex twice as often as usual, and over the next three months, participants filled out questionnaires every day asking about their sex life and level of happiness.
The results of the study were aptly summed up by Oliver Burkeman, a columnist for The Guardian:
“If four scientists from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh tell you to have more sex and fill out boring questionnaires all the time, you are unlikely to enjoy life any more.” Psychologist-sexologist Oksana Bachinskaya agrees with him.
Not in routine work
The couples who took part in the study did not experience happiness and satisfaction from sex because the scientists artificially brought on the “crisis of routine” in a couple, which usually begins after 5-7 years of family relationships. That is, the “experimental” couples artificially entered a period of “sexual desensitization” (the process of reducing sensitivity to a sexual stimulus, that is, to a permanent partner).
In the normal course, this process can be slowed down or stopped with the help of regular sexual «feeding» — vivid joint sexual experiences, for example, new sex techniques, role-playing games, non-standard types of sex, use of sex devices. It is also important for each partner individually to work on improving the quality of their own eroticism: to study their intimate fantasies and desires, learn new things about their body, feed their own sexual experiences and, most importantly, carry them to a common bed.
Unfortunately, men are much less likely than women to be ready to «pump» themselves in an intimate way, although recently more and more couples have come to open lectures on sex, and some men are even eager to attend trainings with their partners.
Philosophy of protest
The second reason why couples did not feel positive emotions even with a lot of sex is an internal protest due to artificially created “coercion”. The human psyche is arranged in such a way that it gives a negative reaction to any external attempt to influence the will of a person.
Roughly speaking, if you come to a sweet tooth and force him to eat the most delicious cakes in the world, he will quickly rebel and refuse sweets altogether. The trick is that when the “should” is included in the process of performing any activity, the involvement of the limbic (emotional) system of brain structures instantly decreases in a person.
And with it, the production of sex hormones, for which the hypothalamus is responsible, decreases. That is, people’s sexual desire decreased during this period, and sex without it can hardly be called pleasant.
Safety principle
Another condition for good sex is trust and a sense of security between partners. You trust your partner, his feelings, desires and actions. You realize that he is having sex with you because he wants it at the moment, and for no other reason.
As soon as this condition is violated (and in this case due to the intervention of a third party — researchers), you begin to feel uncomfortable, afraid to do something wrong and do not trust the wishes of your partner. It is difficult to be happy and enjoy such a process.