Every day we meet people who we don’t like, with some we have to communicate constantly. Is it worth it to try to “overpower” yourself and start treating well those who cause irritation: the eternally dissatisfied grumblers, the ungrateful, the envious? Is it possible to do this? No and no need, says psychologist Karol Brekman, and offers an alternative way.
In everyone’s life there are people whom we cannot bear, who “sit in the liver.” Do we really bear the cross of obligatory love for everyone?
Answer: You don’t have to love everyone because it’s an impossible mission. We are ordinary people, with our passions and shortcomings. Everyone has their preferences. What would be wise is to try to moderate your passions and irritation in relation to some people, to calm your heart.
If you can develop a neutral attitude towards the so-called enemies, this will already be a big step forward. As a result, good changes will occur in life.
First of all, in order to overcome irritation and aggression, you need to recognize them. How often do we drive in anger, anger, rejection? Especially when it comes to loved ones or family. Let’s not hide the fact that in society it is not customary to “shine” with statements like “I can’t stand my mother” or “I have a disgusting relationship with my brother.”
Try to start admitting this to yourself, and the result will not keep you waiting. For example, say to yourself the phrase: “I don’t love my sister” and listen to yourself. Well, have you spoken? Did the heavens fall on you at the same time? Most likely, you felt some peace, confessing this dislike to yourself.
Then explore calmly your annoyance and dislike. Maybe what you don’t like about your sister is actually one of your sins or shortcomings? Does she like to be in control? Don’t they call you a commander in a skirt yourself? Is there a mirror effect here?
Maybe your hostility towards someone is due to childhood trauma and the imaginary enemy has nothing to do with it?
I invite you to self-examination, which will help you forgive others for their shortcomings. The next step in such introspection is to try to understand: maybe you made a mistake with an emotion or direct it to the wrong one? Is there sadness or fear behind your anger? But what if you “picked up” someone’s rage, got infected with it and return it with a boomerang?
For example, my most “belligerent” period in the past was associated with being forced to be in the same room with an aggressive, disgruntled colleague. I didn’t realize at the time that I was just resonating.
Or maybe your hostility towards someone is due to childhood trauma and the imaginary enemy has nothing to do with it? Check, such introspection will definitely benefit. Another technique should help to soften the attitude towards an unloved person. Imagine that your “enemy” is wounded in the literal or figurative sense of the word, that he feels bad, hurts, and this is precisely the reason for his gushing aggression towards you.
When someone tries to offend me, hurt, pin me down, one phrase helps me a lot: God loves him, and there is a piece of the divine in him. And – about a miracle! My perception of this person is starting to change.
If you are not a believer, then think about the sun. This generous luminary distributes its rays equally for everyone. The sun, the most democratic and kindest of all the luminaries, bestows on us all equally, does not divide into good and bad. Perhaps we should learn from him.
About the Developer
King Breckman – psychologist. Her .