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Gift money from grandparents is often taken for granted. And not every grandson or granddaughter will answer at least a short message, not to mention a call. This is fine?
Grandmother sends her grandson a “semester allowance” twice a year. He does not react to this in any way — he does not call, he does not thank in SMS. How can she deal with disappointment and resentment?
“Twice a year, I send my youngest grandson a 100 euro ‘study bonus’. As well as his older brother and sister. They always write about how happy they are with the gift. Junior — no answer, no hello. Maybe I’m waiting in vain? I would be pleased to read or hear — «How great, grandmother.» Or just «thank you». Or is 100 euros worth nothing today?” says 75-year-old Irena from Bavaria with regret.
Similar questions are asked by Russian grandmothers, who, despite the scarcity of pensions, continue to amaze their children and grandchildren. They manage not only to make ends meet, but also to help them.
Three experts give advice to all the grandmothers in the world who are hoping for gratitude.
“Rejoice that you can support your grandson”
Margit Auer He is the author of the best-selling children’s book School for Magical Animals, with more than 2 million copies printed in 22 languages. She has three sons, almost all of them are adults.
Sometimes I get letters from grateful readers. I myself never write such letters and do not answer them. I don’t have time for this, and I don’t want to remind myself once again.
Perhaps someone will consider my behavior rude. But look from the other side. Maybe your grandson just has a lot of things in his head and every time he forgets to answer you for everyday worries? Continue to follow the ritual and send the “semester allowance”. And be glad that you can support your grandson.
If not for him, what would you spend the money on? Would you like to go on a tour? Have you signed up for a walking course? Unlikely. So just ask your grandson why he doesn’t write to you. Tell me how you feel about this. Then, probably, he will also share where he spent 100 euros. And thank you. Perhaps you will realize that you are making him happy. Isn’t that what you want?
“If he doesn’t answer, stop sending money”
Herbert Renz-Polster is a pediatrician, scientist, and author of the parenting advice blog Understanding Children (in German). He has four adult children and lives with his wife and youngest child.
What are 100 euros worth? Good question. On the one hand, the one who gives a gift wants to do something good to another. And he seems to be doing it of his own free will, keeping in mind «not worth gratitude.» But this rule works with those whom we see every day, about whom we know for sure — we are important to them, we are loved.
On the other hand, we all need recognition. Without this, any relationship «creaks». Gratitude for us is a confirmation that our gift, and ourselves, are valuable. No thanks? Does that mean I don’t exist?
It is difficult to say whether the grandson is lazy, forgetful, or — sometimes it happens — contacts his grandmother only when he needs something from her. In any case, I would send him a message. I would ask: did he receive the transfer? How is he doing? If he answers, then perhaps warmth will return to the relationship.
If he doesn’t answer, I would stop sending him money. Maybe your relationship isn’t really close enough right now. So is it worth investing unilaterally?
“When I am a grandmother, I will be angry too”
Collien Ulmen-Fernandez — actress and presenter, mother of a daughter. She has published several articles on the life of parents, in 2014 her book “I am a mother” was published.
100 euros are still worth relatively much today due to low inflation. And as far as I know, they are very helpful to students who often have nothing but empty pasta. Therefore, the grandson definitely has something to be thankful for. But, unfortunately, grandchildren are rarely attentive to grandmothers. And they are still waiting. This is probably one of the not always fair expectations of old age.
Think back to your age. So many ideas, so many plans, so many thoughts in my head. The world around is so new. And there is not enough time to write a message, except perhaps once a year.
It is safe to say that this problem is as old as the world. But I also know for sure: if I ever become a grandmother myself, I will be offended and angry if my hundred flies into the void without an answer.