Contents
Can we trust the first impression a person makes on us? What is it caused by, what is it made of, is it amenable to conscious control, and to what extent does it reflect reality?
“Tell me about me” was the name of one of the first exercises in the self-knowledge training, recalls 31-year-old Marina. There were 12 other people in the group with me. Each in turn went to the center of the room, and the rest talked about their (first) impression of this person. When my turn came, it turned out that they saw me as a plump but cheerful teenage girl and at the same time a young woman who waved her hand at herself. Under their gaze, I felt so defenseless that I even burst into tears.
Is the first impression we make on others always true? Is it so easy to “read” us when we don’t want to? And how correctly do we ourselves perceive other people at the first meeting? Is it worth learning to decipher the meaning of facial expressions and gestures, or does our perception of the interlocutor not depend on special knowledge?
Read more:
- How sincere are our emotions?
At the genetic level
“We cannot read the thoughts of another person, but by showing attention, each of us can feel him and instinctively tune in to the same wavelength with him,” says Gestalt therapist Nifont Dolgopolov. His colleague Corinne Fischer, a teacher at the Paris School of Gestalt, who also practices the “Tell me about me” exercise in her groups, admits to being amazed at the insight of some clients. The first impression is based on very subtle, almost animal sensations: smell, skin texture, voice timbre – there are many factors here. First the bodies meet and only then the souls.
Our first reaction to a new person is connected with the genetic history of mankind, experts say. Psychologist Max Eggert explains: “Over the centuries, our ancestors, for the sake of life, have learned to quickly assess strangers: whether they are friends, enemies, or perhaps potential food” *. Indeed, at the moment of acquaintance, we do not have time to think and analyze anything. Our first, intuitive assessment of the interlocutor is based primarily on the instinct of self-preservation: we try to understand who is in front of us – a friend or an enemy, an ally or the one from whom the threat comes. The first impression is spontaneous, it is always an involuntary reaction to the surprise and novelty of an unfamiliar face. According to his features, gestures, manner of speech, style of clothing and behavior of a person, according to his energy, an impression is created of his personality, lifestyle and values. And we tend to trust him.
Human face
The Russian philosopher Alexei Losev (1893–1988) insisted that a person’s face, body, manner of movement and speech reflect his inner world, his soul, mind, and intellect. “By the manner of speaking, by the look of the eyes, by the wrinkles on the forehead, by the holding of arms and legs, by the color of the skin, by the voice, by the shape of the ears, not to mention the whole actions, I can always find out what kind of person is in front of me, – he wrote. “After one handshake, I usually guess about a lot. Once I myself noticed that my gait had changed; and on reflection, I realized why it happened. The body is an inalienable element of the personality, for the personality itself is nothing more than the bodily realization of the intelligentsia and the intelligent symbol. Sometimes it’s scary for me to look at the face of a new person and it’s terrifying to peer into his handwriting: his fate, past and future, rises completely inexorably and inevitably.
“The Dialectic of Myth” Alexey Losev (Academic project, 2008).
Just one look
The first impression is immediate. Princeton University (USA) psychologist Alex Todorov proved that our brain forms an opinion about another person in a tenth of a second: for this we just need to look at his face**. Moreover, in the first seven seconds of communication, we make 11 (exactly 11!) decisions regarding a stranger ***. We estimate by eye the level of his income, intelligence, sincerity, conflict, sexual orientation, success and political predilections, the scale of values, ethnicity and social attractiveness, the degree of our own trust in this person. Before even starting to think, we already know whether he attracts us or repels us, evokes friendly or hostile feelings.
Our opinion is formed by the emotions that arise when we meet. Moreover, the brain perceives them earlier than, for example, “recognizes” the sex of a person. Emotions can be positive (joy, pleasure) and negative (anger, sadness, fear, dislike), but it is worth noting that “in the second case, they do not necessarily entail a negative attitude in the future,” emphasizes psychotherapist Antoine Pelissolo (Antoine Pelissolo).
In the presence of a new person, our unconscious tries to find answers to several questions at once: what emotions does his face evoke in us; what gestures and manner of speaking remind; what catches his appearance … “The first impression is correct in the sense that it instantly allows us to determine what is close to us in another person, what intersects with our own history, our expectation and ideas,” says Nifont Dolgopolov.
About it
Anne Desmarais, Valerie White, First Impression. Do you know how others perceive you?
The authors of the book are American psychologists, founders of the one-of-a-kind company First Impressions Inc. (“First Impressions”), have been working in the field of communication psychology for many years and talk in detail about what makes up the first impression, what prevents you from overcoming the first negative assessment, whether you can learn to influence your own image in the eyes of others. (Williams, 2007)
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- Understand at a glance
In the context of emotions
Each person leaves a trace in our soul, but we must not forget that it is not a tabula rasa, it already has many other traces. Thus, intuition always works taking into account our past life experience. The psychophysical state of the body, mood also affect the first impression of another person. Nifont Dolgopolov notes that “when we are excited, active, happy about something, we notice much more and our observations are more accurate than when we are calm and contemplative. If we are upset, tired, the sensations are dulled: sometimes nothing remains in our memory from a meeting with a stranger, as if we did not notice the person. We behave as if we had a piece of a mirror in our eye, because of which our heart “freezes”, like Kai, the hero of Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale “The Snow Queen”.
When we first meet, we involuntarily begin to sympathize with people who are similar to us – not only in facial features, but also in life attitudes. Because we unconsciously perceive them as part of our life, as if we have known them for a long time. 40-year-old Svetlana recalls how she once met her best friend: “We met at the birthday party of a mutual friend and, returning home, stopped at a bench in some yard – we just couldn’t talk enough. And the first impression did not deceive us – we are still very interested in each other.
In addition to our feelings and emotions, conscious and unconscious reactions, the first impression of another person is also influenced by the atmosphere of the meeting. In a joyful environment, we evaluate him more positively, even if his expression is aggressive. Conversely, in an oppressive atmosphere, even a person with a pleasant appearance can cause negative emotions ****. We can also become hostages to the information that precedes the first meeting, psychologists Myron Rothbart and Pamela Birrell warn. They asked the participants in the experiment to rate a photograph of an elderly man. Some have been told that during World War II he supervised experiments on concentration camp prisoners. And they found his expression cruel. And those to whom he was introduced as the leader of the underground claimed with confidence that he was a kind and warm-hearted person*****.
Read more:
- Why is it so good to be in love
protective barriers
We should not forget that we ourselves can give rise to an incorrect judgment about ourselves. For example, timid and anxious people often build protective barriers around themselves to hide their vulnerability. They do not make contact with others, trying to protect themselves from potential danger and aggression. And the first impression of such people is based not on what they really are, but on what they want to appear. In any case, attempts to influence the first impression of yourself are doomed to failure. “It is impossible to control the impression we make on other people because it is very subjective,” explains Antoine Pelissolo and recommends acting naturally. And Nifont Dolgopolov develops his idea: “In order for it to correspond to reality, you need to strive to be real, learn to listen to yourself, your emotions and your body and understand the signals that it sends us.” The best way to make a good impression is to stop worrying about it, be genuine about other people, and just be yourself.
Pass the tests
- What is the “guide” of your intuition?
- What role do you live in?
1 M. Eggert “Body Language” (Pretext, 2012).
2 Psychological Science, 2006, vol. 17.
3 M. Solomon et al. «Marketing: Real People, Real Choices» (Prentice Hall, 2012).
4 S. Koji, M. Fernandes «Does It Matter Where We Meet?» (University of Waterloo, 2010).
5 Journal of Research in Personality, 1977, vol. 11.