Should I change my last name when getting married?

Harry Matushevich-Milne, 34, Bristol:

“I don’t understand why men don’t change their names more often”

My wife is Polish, and even in Poland her surname is not very common. Her father, who died a year after we were married, was very interested in the history of the family. It was very important to him that their last name not be lost, and I was impressed. Therefore, after the wedding, I took a double surname.

I have never liked many of the traditions associated with the wedding. For example, did not make an offer. We just sat down and discussed whether we should get married, and it turned out that we both want it. I not only saw her wedding dress in advance – I helped choose it. In the same way, she knew what I would wear to the wedding, although some of our relatives were shocked by this. But I wouldn’t want to show up to a wedding in a suit that the bride doesn’t like.

I didn’t want my wife to give up her identity in favor of mine. And besides, the change of surname is associated with such paperwork. It wouldn’t be fair if only the wife had to deal with all this. Maybe there is an element of vanity in my decision. It’s so cool to have a double last name. The telephone directory for Aberdeen, where I come from, lists more than eight pages for the Milnes. Why shouldn’t I stand out among them?

Janet Gilbert, 57, Australia:

“Some were outraged that I left my last name”

I studied in Australia, Germany and Holland, and came to London to work on my dissertation. I was focused on scientific work, started writing for academic journals, my name was becoming known in my circles. Then I fell terribly in love with a fellow student, and we decided to get married. But I didn’t even think about changing my last name: I wore it for 28 years, and it was an integral part of my personality.

The matter was complicated by the fact that the future mother-in-law was my namesake, I was already called “Janet number two” or “younger Janet”. And if I had taken my husband’s surname, the confusion would have been even greater. Nevertheless, some of my relatives did not like that I remained under my last name. But I did not understand why to change it, and now, after 29 years of marriage, I remain of my opinion. I have five children, and they all bear the husband’s last name, and mine is listed as a middle name.

Joanne Phillips, 46, Shropshire:

“I feel a little guilty before my father that I can’t pass on his last name”

I got married quite late. For 36 years, I had my maiden name and doubted whether it was worth changing it. As a feminist, this transformation from Miss to Mrs disgusted me – the man, as he was, and remains Mr. all his life! But then I felt that it was worth doing this: after all, changing the name of a woman in marriage symbolizes devotion. In addition, I reasoned that anyway my identity in connection with marriage would have to change, I would have to say goodbye to my old self, well, then the surnames at the same time.

Now, 10 years later, I think it was better to take a double surname or leave my own altogether. I have never been able to fully experience myself as a different person – I do not fully know who this Mrs. Phillips is? However, when you start using a new name in the profession, it becomes part of you. But just a part. I am outraged that the burden of changing identity is placed only on a woman. And at the same time, as a mother, I agree that it is much more convenient when all family members have the same last name. But how strong is this argument? I do not know.

Schradha Cole, 27, London:

“Contrary to Indian tradition, I kept my maiden name”

I am an Indian from London and for two years I have been married to a man with whom I have been in love since childhood. I left my last name, breaking our tradition, for two reasons. First, because of work. I am a public relations specialist, and before that I was a journalist. If I changed my last name, I would have to sort of start from scratch. My name appears in many documents, I have accounts in different social networks – it would be difficult to change all this. My husband and his family supported my decision.

I don’t understand why we should act a certain way just because those who came before us did it. On the contrary, we must develop new ideas and support change. In general, the world has changed a lot. In India, for example, many traditions, such as arranged marriage between parents, are being phased out. Being close to your partner in sorrow and joy is what it means to be committed. Not a name change.

So should you change your last name when you get married?

FOR

Irina Bezrukova, actress