Nowadays, young mothers have to rely only on themselves. Not everyone, of course. But many are left without the support of the older generation – grandmothers.
Recently on the website healthy-food-near-me.com we published a column of the mother of a seven-year-old boy – about why she won’t entrust her child to her grandmother. The topic seems to have hooked readers. There were several dozen comments. And do you know what is most surprising? The position of some young parents.
“I am 66 years old and still work. The salary is very decent. But the daughter-in-law thinks that I should study with my granddaughter for three years. I love my granddaughter very much, but I’m terribly tired. I often get her for the whole day, and at the end of the day I’m just not a human being. Young people do not want to sit with children, rush out of the house for a penny to work, just not to sit with children. No persuasion helps, I offer money – no, they want to be “in public”. What a mother! Sorry, it’s boiling … ”- wrote one of the grandmothers.
And here is an amazing answer to this remark: “Are you ready to support young people with children? What is left for them to do? “
When in the 90s my kindergarten was closed as a hotel and all the children were dismissed to their homes, my grandmother sat with me. She raised my two cousins from the cradle. As a child, my husband was also very often left with his grandmother. She was then, by the way, over seventy.
The current generation of grandmothers will fill their grandchildren with expensive gifts and outfits. These are not wooden rattles with knitted socks. Here, if a toy, then the functions are no worse than some gadget, and it will cost no less. Modern grandmothers have money for gifts for grandchildren. What they don’t have is time.
Modern grandmothers are in no hurry to retire. And they can be understood – with the current pensions you can’t take a break. Even if you are ready to partially compensate for their earnings, this money is unlikely to be comparable to their salary, otherwise you would have hired a nanny long ago. And they are no longer ready to give up their usual expenses.
Not so long ago I had to withdraw from the decree. The son was one and a half years old. And if someone does not know, decent benefits are paid only up to eighteen children’s months, and then up to three years – 50 rubles a month. And no, this is not a typo. Living on one husband’s salary, paying off the mortgage, is not a good prospect.
A few months before the release of the decree, the question arose: look for a nanny or send to a private kindergarten (we will wait at least another year for a state one). The mother-in-law categorically declared: “What kind of nanny, I will sit with my grandson!” She lives alone in another city, works without an employment contract, so she did not plan to wait for a pension.
So, my grandmother moved to us, and I went to work with peace of mind. My husband and I tried not to abuse her services too much. Coming home from work, they took their son to another room, leaving grandmother alone with books and TV. And the child needs a rest – we understood that. The refrigerator was regularly replenished so as not to bother a person with trips to the store. For everyday life, a dishwasher, washing machine, robot vacuum cleaner …
With difficulty and only from the stories of my grandmother, I can imagine how I used to raise children without all these devices. When there were no diapers, when they washed them on their hands. It would seem that modern technologies have done everything so that people do not waste energy on everyday life. But this was not enough.
“I’m leaving,” the mother-in-law announced suddenly, three weeks after arrival. – It’s hard after all. It is one thing to sit with a child at thirty years old, and another thing when you are over fifty.
She gave me a week to sort things out with work and left.
The news that I, having worked only a month, again go on parental leave, was received by some of my friends with surprise, while others, on the contrary, were not at all surprised.
“My mother immediately said to me:“ And don’t hope, I won’t sit with your children, ”a friend admitted. Well, our grandmother at least tried.
– My parents are in a hurry too: when, he says, you will please your grandson, – says an old friend. – But I know for sure that they will not babysit the child. My father is fishing, my mother is a yoga teacher, she constantly goes to some master classes.
Then I remembered my neighbor. For a nominal fee, she works as a nanny. Moreover, the child’s grandmother lives in the same house, but she refused to sit with the baby. And so every day, parents, passing by the door of a loved one, lead the boy to someone else’s aunt …
– It probably works? – I ask a neighbor.
– No, she’s retired. He just doesn’t want to …
And here I suddenly began to understand our mothers. After all, we do not give birth to children for grandmothers. They have already raised their own and now they want to go to that very yoga, sign up for painting lessons, dance, maybe go on a trip. Do we have the right to deprive them of such pleasures? It was our grandmothers who had books and knitting from their leisure time. In the new time, entertainment will be found for all ages.
At forty, life is just beginning, they assured in the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears,” but nowadays fifty is the new forty. Before those who are ready to devote their best years to their grandchildren, I bow down, but I should not reproach my mother-in-law, I have no right. After all, this is her life.
By the way, I always looked with admiration at the old women-tourists from Europe. How much energy they have! I doubt very much that in their free time from traveling, they are busy with their grandchildren – they look too fresh, rested. Therefore, if you want your mothers to be young and full of energy as long as possible, let them raise their grandchildren on Skype – a few minutes a day will be enough for them. You rely only on yourself and do not create someone else’s problem out of your child.
Well, as for the groans “What do we do, we don’t have a kindergarten / no money for a nanny / we don’t have enough of something else” – you knew what you were doing when giving birth to children? If not, then it’s probably too early for you to become parents. You yourself are not yet adults.
Interview
Who is sitting with your child?
I’m sitting myself. We live on our husband’s salary – and what to do.
Grandmother. She is beside herself with delight that she was entrusted with her beloved grandson.
We hired a nanny. We have no grandmothers, and the kindergarten is not soon.
They sent me to a private kindergarten. Fortunately, the salary allows.