Some psychologists are convinced that the child’s containment of his dissatisfaction with his parents makes them neurotic. Another part of psychologists believes that not restraining children from their negative emotions makes children psychopaths.
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It seems very controversial to recommend that parents not prevent children from freely expressing their discontent and aggression. There is no evidence that nurturing restraint and respect for parents in children turns them into neurotics, but it is highly likely that children who are not used to restraining their dissatisfaction with their elders will grow up to be psychopaths.
A well-bred child who knows how to restrain his negativity is a healthy child. Why is it said about the dangers of suppressing emotions? Because restraint and suppression of emotions are two different things.
If you allow a child to yell at you, stomp, get angry, maybe spit on you (sometimes this happens), he spins these emotions in himself. When this “gets” you and you say: “Stop immediately!”, most likely, the child will only increase his outrages. To this, the parent, losing all patience, will resort to extreme measures and sooner or later will force the child to shut up … This suppression, this is really bad, because already hyped emotions that have taken possession of the entire body of the child are prohibited.
If the child is not provoked, does not kindle negativity in him, switch from insults and accustom him to order, do not allow him to rage, showing reasonable severity if necessary, the child will not have to suppress anything, since everything is extinguished in the bud, which is natural for a child.
It all starts from childhood.
It is not worth encouraging when the baby has fun, hitting his mother with his hands in the face. If the child can already speak, it is correct to “not understand” the child when he wants to get something from his parents by crying: let him calm down and say what he wants.
If the child is very angry and does not know what to do with his feelings, he can go to his room and stomp them with his feet — this is normal. I want to cry out of resentment — it’s fine, just do it in another room so as not to disturb others. And then come to dad and mom, we will hug you and discuss everything.
It’s perfectly normal that a child will someday be offended and angry with their parents — getting angry and angry in response to this is stupid, it is important, however, to translate this into more constructive communication. It is good if the child masters the “I-message” and learns to talk about his feelings when he is dissatisfied with something.
Even better, if he learns to formulate his requests and defend his point of view, clearly articulating what he wants and why. The child has the right to respect himself and his interests, but he is also obliged to respect others and their interests.