Should a feminist pay for herself on a date?

Tom, 26 years old.He paid for his girlfriendshe is 29 years old, they have been together for 3 years) on the first 5-6 dates. “She was uncomfortable that I was crying all the time, so sometimes she pays. But I usually cry. It is believed that a guy should always pay on the first date. I cry more than she does because I think it’s a gentleman’s act. It is always a pleasure for a man to take a woman to dinner in a restaurant.”

Marge, 35 years old. She loved that Wesley paid for her on first dates. But once he was ahead of her in line, they were going to buy sandwiches and drinks for a picnic. He paid for his and left, but when it was her turn, Marge had to pay for it herself. “It was very annoying,” she says. It turns out that Wesley did not want a serious relationship, he was only interested in meetings without obligations. This example shows that if a man does not want to pay for a woman on a date, he may not have serious plans for her.

Brandon, 69 years old. On dates with his future wife, everyone always paid for himself. “I think it’s fair, she did the right thing,” he says.

Teresa, 45 years old, married 2 years. When she and her husband started dating, he always asked her out on dates and always paid for it himself. “It was fine for both of us,” she says.

Penny, a little over 40 years old. She accidentally let it slip that she always expected a man to pay on a date, after which she mumbled something about how her father abandoned the family as a child.

Who should pay?

Most people would agree that on the first date (and often several subsequent dates) it is the man who pays. And then any options are already possible. If you have clear preferences about who should pay for what, you can invite your partner to calmly discuss the financial side of your relationship. However, if you are uncomfortable bringing this topic up, you are not alone in this.

“Never ask for money,” I was taught as a child, and this rule unconsciously stayed with me into adulthood. That’s why it’s always been difficult for me to bring up the issue of money on dates. I wanted a man to pay for me, but I still sometimes offered to pay for myself. Am I not a feminist? Doesn’t that mean I’m paying for myself? I hoped that the man would somehow read my thoughts, because I was ashamed to admit that I want him to pay for me.

Can a feminist let a man pay for herself?

When I offered to split the check on a date at a restaurant and the man agreed, I didn’t feel feminine, which meant there would be no second date. I thought he was greedy or he didn’t like me enough. But now I think that many men, like me, did not understand what was happening.

They might think that I really want to pay for myself. Maybe they were afraid that I would label them as a chauvinist if they refused. Most people would agree that the pay-for-yourself dating craze is over (at least if we’re talking about first dates). Today, men again routinely pay on first dates. Most are willing to pay for a woman, but as the relationship develops, they may be willing to share some of the cost if the woman offers.

When my future husband first asked me on a date, I honestly said that I had already planned to go to the theater alone that Saturday evening. He said he wanted to come with me (rather than “take me”), which made it unclear if this could be considered a “real” date. I asked: “Do you treat?” Luckily, he said yes.

I realized that being a feminist means being yourself, and not dancing to someone else’s tune. What about you?

Answer a few questions to help you.

1) Do you expect a man to pay for everything on a first date? What do you think of it?

2) Who do you think should pay on subsequent dates?

3) How do you feel when a man pays for you on dates? Do your feelings depend on circumstances? Do you sometimes feel guilty or feel indebted to him? Do you feel inequality? Do you accept with gratitude? Enjoying? Or something else? Try to answer in more detail.

4) Under what circumstances would you want to share the cost or pay for a date in return for a man paying for the first dates?

5) How willing are you to share your thoughts and thoughts about the financial aspects of dating with a man on a date?

6) What ideas did you have about this in childhood and youth?

7) Have your views changed over time? Explain more.