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Do your children get up when they are told?
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This child does not consider it necessary to do what his mother tells him. His mother is not always right in her demands, but this is not a reason to completely ignore her mother. At least you can try to talk to her%3A it’s better than just not listening.
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Some adults say everything is right, but in a way that destroys the joy of life. We will not be equal to them?
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And here — army discipline, and life is cheerful and cheerful.
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If you do with your child only what he likes, only play with him and go to the cinema with him, you never know if he obeys you or not. Obedience is manifested only in those cases when the child is not interested in something, does not want something — and you say that this must be done.
Obedience is following instructions and doing tasks received from parents or other authority figures.
An obedient child is a controlled, educated and controlled child. An obedient child follows the instructions of parents or persons replacing them, respects the will of elders and strives to act within the limits set by adults. To obey is to do what the significant person has asked or demanded.
What is an obedient child? These are very simple things: I told the child to wash his hands — he went and washed them. They reminded him that it was time to sit down for lessons — he stopped running around and began to study. They asked you to run to the store — he agreed with you on the terms and ran to the store.
Does your child need to be obedient?
The attitude towards obedient children today is complex. Education of obedience is not honored today, since it is believed that instilling obedience is the formation of a comfortable, controllable person without his own will. On the other hand, exhausted mothers of naughty children are ready to do anything, just to somehow call the child to elementary order.
Does your child need to be obedient? Yes, definitely, although at different ages the measure of obedience can and should be different. The younger the child, the more important it is that he fulfill parental requirements unquestioningly; As the child matures, he will increasingly be guided by his own decisions.
Why is it important that children obey their parents? If the child does not obey the Elders, the Elders cannot fulfill their duties: to ensure the safety, socialization and development of the child. An obedient child is a child who is taught and brought up.
Ask yourself: is this what we want?
However, obedience (a controlled, educated and controlled child) is not the goal of education, but a means. Why do we want the child to become manageable, educated and controlled? So he won’t bother us? For him to work for us? To bring him up as a free, developed, healthy person?
The obedience of children is only a tool in the hands of parents. In the hands of crooked parents, obedient children will be a caricature of children, obedient children next to wise parents are life’s luck and joy for everyone.
Unfortunately, there are always not enough wise parents, and there are enough parents who want to make life easier for themselves and raise children who do not interfere, who are “as if not there”. Apparently, for this reason, many people have a very wary attitude towards the upbringing of obedience in children, and the strong desire of adults to make children obedient is often called hypersocial education.
At the same time, the widespread thesis “An obedient child cannot be independent” is not entirely true. Reasonable parents want their child to be both obedient and independent, and this is quite realistic.
Attentive, warm and cheerful, and most importantly, qualified parents can quite easily get obedience from him, while maintaining contact with the child, developing his self-confidence and conveying to him a sense of the joy of life. An obedient child with reasonable parents, growing up, becomes an adult, independent and creative person.
How is obedience (discipline) combined with the ability to think creatively and independently? Perfectly combined, if such a task was set. The order is as follows: if the parents said, the child must first of all do this, and not discuss it. No sooner said than done. After that, if the child has questions or disagreement, he can and should discuss this with his parents so that there is maximum mutual understanding. We do not need blind, thoughtless obedience, but a person who understands everything himself, a person with developed rational thinking, who knows how to weigh all the pros and cons, who is able to make reasonable decisions.
If you are told to wash your hands, go wash your hands without talking. Washed — now it’s great to discuss with parents whether it’s really necessary to wash your hands before eating, whether you always need to wash and how thoroughly wash them, and also where all this data comes from and whether it’s prejudice … Children are smart and ask the right questions.
But life without joy is not quite life, and work from morning to evening, if done with a lean physiognomy and sadly, turns into hard labor. Is it possible to combine the unquestioning fulfillment of what adults say with a slight childish joy? Yes, of course, wise adults and quick-witted children always take care of this. How? We turn on the game mode and do everything that is said, have fun.
Children need to water the beds in the country? You can do this with a song, if the day is hot — you can pour water on each other, you can investigate the question of the size of the watering can: is it better to run with a small watering can, but fill it often, or take a large watering can, fill it rarely, but wear it heavy? The question is interesting!
In total, smart obedience for a child is done in three stages:
- No sooner said than done. Future development of the will.
- We do, we think. Future development of rational and critical thinking.
- We do it — we rejoice! Preservation of a living childhood and the joy of life.
Up to what age is it suitable? At least up to ten or twelve years is the best option. Starting from adolescence, if before that everything was fine and the children are already smart, unquestioning obedience is no longer relevant. It is no longer necessary to command, it is quite normal to consult and discuss.
Teach your child to listen and obey you: teach consistently, in the direction from easy to difficult, starting with the simplest things. The most reliable algorithm is the Seven Steps.
If the child disobeyed
Of course, our children do not always obey us. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. How to react to it? See →
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.