Contents
A short, clear demand is one of the simplest and most effective methods of managing and educating children.
We do not always express ourselves clearly and clearly. Sometimes we joke, sometimes we don’t really care that the child does what we say. But if you are serious, the child should be able to recognize it. To do this, they need unambiguous signals from us.
Clear, short and clear
Tell the child very precisely what you think he should do. Be clear, concise and understandable.
examples:
It is better to tell the child what he should do than to reproach him for doing something wrong again.
Requirements such as: «Be a good boy» «Be good» «Be neat». Even «clean your room» or «get dressed» may not be too clear. The smaller the child, the clearer and shorter the requirement should be.
Formulate your requirements in a positive way
examples:
Why do children perceive positive language better? It’s very simple. The child hears the words «run» «fall» «shout». In his brain are recorded certain ideas about the actions during these movements. At this point, they are automatically activated. The word «not» is too weak to change these ideas. And now it has already happened: the child falls, runs, screams further. You have just evoked this reaction with your instruction. It is not at all easy to find a positive wording. “You don’t need to…” is much easier to say. Don’t miss the opportunity to try positive directions.
One mother said: “I was always angry that the children spilled milk from glasses and slapped everything on them. Instead of “be careful, now you’ll spill” or “don’t spill,” I now say: “Children, leave the milk in the glasses!” At first it was funny and unusual, but in fact it got much better.
Discussion
«I don’t want to be in charge»
Many parents have trouble giving directions to their children. Their arguments: “I am not going to command the child. I do not recognize the orderly tone in the family. Plus, I miss the magic word “please” when doing this.”
Clear directions need to be applied in certain situations when you are sure: «Now it is necessary that the child does what I tell him.» In no case should you follow him around all day and give orders.
Adults are also full of situations when you need to follow the instructions of others. The students follow the instructions of the teacher. Or remember how you learned to drive a car. Your driving teacher should initially give you clear instructions for each action. You don’t expect «please» in this situation, do you? Perhaps you think that due to experience and knowledge, the teacher gives you the right instructions. Well, or at the doctor’s surgery “please” in an appeal to colleagues would be rather inappropriate. A vague, incomprehensible indication can even have disastrous consequences. The doctor’s requirements are followed because the employees are confident in his experience, knowledge and trust in his abilities. Despite this, it is quite possible to have good, friendly relations with employees.
Don’t you have more experience and knowledge in relation to your child? Shouldn’t the child respect your abilities and knowledge? Is it really so terrible to demand from a child the unquestioning fulfillment of what you are absolutely sure of the need for? Is it a problem if the child is sometimes sure: «I do what my mom says because she knows what’s good for me»?
All of the above does not mean that the word «please» should disappear from your vocabulary. It’s just that your child will benefit if he learns to understand the difference between a request and a demand.