Polish women are ashamed of many things. Their body, that they have achieved success, that they stick with their toxic partner or, on the contrary, that they have decided to leave him. There are also intimate topics on the “list of shame”. They replace the word “vulva” with the words “down there.” And menstruation remains a big taboo. You can learn a lot about shame and how to deal with it in the latest book by Joanna Godecka, entitled “Never be ashamed of yourself”.
- Menstruation or its absence is a very delicate topic for Polish women. They cannot talk about them
- Girls from my studies go to the bathroom with a whole big bag, or at least with a toiletry bag, instead of just a sanitary napkin – says Wiktoria Oleniacz, personal trainer
- Below we publish an excerpt from the book “Never be ashamed of yourself”, devoted to the shame of menstruation
- More current information can be found on the Onet homepage.
Psychotherapist and life coach, runs the Indie You Psychotherapy Center, author of the best-selling guides, “How to silence the inner critic”, “Don’t put your life off until later”, “Stop worrying” and others. Her latest book, Never Be Ashamed of Yourself, was published in 2022.
She is a personal trainer running the @healthytorie profile on Instagram, one of the first accounts on this website devoted to menstrual disorders.
Joanna Godecka: Have you and your female community come across the shame caused by the absence of menstruation, menstruation and the menstrual cycle in general?
Wiktoria Oleniacz, founder of the account dedicated to menstrual disorders: Yes, and a very large one. Especially for women who have lost their periods due to a low-calorie diet, intense physical activity or hormonal problems. Women don’t want to talk about it out loud, it’s taboo for them. They don’t know who to turn to for help or how to talk about this problem at home. In such situations, the family often says: “Eat more” or “You should be glad that you are not having a period, because it is just a problem.” Unfortunately, the lack of menstruation is a big problem that should be referred to the gynecologist. It is true that gynecologists in Poland do not fulfill their function, but this is a topic for another book.
I understand that functional-type amenorrhea is caused, for example, by an eating disorder such as anorexia, bulimia, and failure to regenerate yourself? This is a very serious issue. It is associated with a threat to health and even life.
Unfortunately, girls very rarely go to the gynecologist with this problem. They prefer to act on their own because of the shame that is further fueled by doctors’ reactions.
Are girls ashamed of their periods? For example, in PE or at work?
Yes, women are ashamed of their menstrual cycle for many reasons. My friend had periods in a public place, and instead of giving her a sweatshirt or whatever, people started laughing at her. This shows how uneducated our society is. My college girls go to the bathroom with a huge bag, or at least a toiletry bag, instead of just a sanitary napkin. I am not ashamed of it, but it is because I am quite a brave person and I believe that menstruation is something normal, a reason to be happy, not to be ashamed.
What is the shame of menstruation?
For lack of education. It starts already in primary school. Girls are separated from boys and in separate classes they are told what period is and how often it occurs. Then they get sanitary napkins from the leader. I had such a lesson in the sixth grade, when most of the girls were already menstruating. According to statistics, each year women will have their periods earlier and earlier due to the low quality of our food. Boys are completely unaware that menstruation occurs every month and that girls often do not feel well during their periods. Men learn about all this only in relationships, and their partners have to explain to them what it looks like and how it works.
It’s so hard to imagine! It is strange that in schools little is said about it, and a girl who is menstruating feels ashamed.
Yes. Many women worry that a pad, tampon or menstrual cup will leak. Once on Instagram, my observer said that she was at a job interview and was having her period. The meeting went well, but as she got up, she saw that the whole chair was covered in blood. She felt a terrible shame, she wanted to collapse into the ground. She was scared that they would yell at her, throw her out of the company and make fun of her. Luckily the whole thing ended well, someone helped clean it up, but it must have been a very embarrassing experience.
What are the consequences of silence about menstruation and insufficient education about it?
We have a problem with our own femininity. This is the most serious negative effect of the menstrual taboo in our country. Of course, it also leads to diseases, but sometimes they can be healed faster than solving a problem deep in the soul or in the psyche. By the way, the daughter-father relationship is very important, and unfortunately many girls in our country do not have a good relationship with their dad or do not have one at all. And it also builds how we view our bodies, values, and our sexuality.
To sum up: if something that is essential to my femininity, which is menstruation, makes me feel ashamed, I am simply ashamed of myself.
That’s right. Thank you very much for the interview and I wish your readers a lot of openness to discussions on this topic.
Are you looking for an effective and safe method of epilation? Go for a skin revitalizing epilator. You can find this model in Medonet Market.
The fragment comes from the book “Never be ashamed of yourself” by Joanna Godecka and Alina Adamowicz (MUZA Publishing House).
We encourage you to listen to the latest episode of the RESET podcast. This time we devote it to one of the ways to deal with stress – the TRE method. What is it about? How does it release us from stress and trauma? Who is it intended for and who should definitely not use it? About this in the latest episode of our podcast.