And trying to slip out of your influence? “It means that the daughter has entered a new period, when personal friendship becomes both a way of life and the main tool for development,” says psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochyan.
“They do not part with each other, they secretly talk about something on the phone for hours and even dress the same … This is not surprising. At the age of 11–12, adolescents enter a period of not only puberty, but also social maturation. Finding answers to the questions: “Who am I?”, “What am I?” becomes the main one. And this problem is solved through social comparison – in communication with peers. But if boys get to know themselves and the world around them through group games, rivalry, search for common interests, then girls explore the sphere of feelings. Endlessly discussing relationships with parents, teachers and boys, the girlfriends quickly find a common language: “And I feel the same way …” Conversations that seem like empty chatter to adults help the girls to recognize themselves – in each other, understand their feelings, name them.
When a girl’s best friend comes into her life, the bond between mother and daughter weakens. It can be difficult for mothers to come to terms with the alienation that has arisen, moreover, it seems to them that their daughter is under the influence and even subordination of her friend. In fact, behind this fear lies an ordinary feeling of jealousy: it is difficult for us to come to terms with the fact that someone else also has an influence on our child. In this case, the wisest thing is to maintain emotional contact with the daughter, acknowledging her feelings. After all, we have experienced something similar. Let the girl trust her feelings, not yours. And often offer a choice: “You can go to a friend, or you can go with me to an exhibition. Decide yourself”. But just don’t be offended if your daughter chooses something that is less pleasant for you. But the girl will surely understand: she always has an alternative, there are two free parallel lives. Her mother understands and her friend supports her. And these two lives do not have to come into conflict.
It can be difficult for mothers to accept the situation when a daughter in a relationship with a friend chooses the position of a follower, and not a leader. In fact, addiction relationships in adolescents are never one-sided: each of them gives something important to the other. Later, your daughter herself will refuse the role of a follower – when she feels free and significant. And this will happen, by the way, largely thanks to her best friend.