Your teenager went to a friend’s birthday party and returned home later than expected without warning you. How to react?
Remind him of the rules. “The job of the parent is to set the rules and enforce them, and the job of the teenager is to relentlessly haggle over them and get around the taboos,” remarks Daniel Marcelli. Take it for granted, and you will only have to clearly determine the time no later than which a teenager can return home. It is important to take into account not only his age, season, day of the week, but also the frequency of parties. So, a 14-year-old teenager does not have to be allowed to walk every Saturday until midnight, but sometimes, as an exception, he can return later. Of course, this must be agreed in advance. If your son or daughter is 15 minutes late, don’t quibble. But still, remember the rules in order to avoid misunderstandings later. If he is two hours late, note this and punish him: for example, ban the next party. “Punishment should be proportionate to the offense committed,” says Daniel Marcelli. “If parents deprive a child of the right to leave for three months, they risk canceling the punishment ahead of time and discredit themselves by being inconsistent.”
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Use the correct arguments. Your teen will likely tell you that his friends are allowed to come back later. Don’t give in, he’s manipulating you! But even if he tells the truth, you know better than other parents what is best for your child, because you are responsible for his health. Explain that he needs sleep and a steady pace of life right now because he is growing and learning. Does he have trouble getting up in the morning for school? This is what weekends are for – they will help restore strength, unless, of course, you do not go to bed at dawn. Do not blame your son (daughter) for not getting enough sleep while waiting for him (her) – this is the last thing teenagers worry about. You should not settle scores with children, besides, such arguments are more like blackmail.
Demand that he warn in advance when he is delayed. Of course, your child may have a good reason to return later: he did not have time to transfer to the subway, the parents of a friend who were supposed to take him home were late at the theater, the birthday cake was served at midnight … Insist that in this case he notifies you with using a text message or a call, just so you don’t get nervous. “A teenager, even if he is stubborn, should feel that he is expected and that his parents are worried about him. The worst thing is to remain indifferent to his actions: he will feel unloved and abandoned, ”the expert concludes.
Daniel Marcelli is the author of several books, including the bestseller Practical Psychology for Adolescents (U-Factoria, 2008).