70-year-olds are as satisfied with their sex life as 35-year-olds. Men complain that women do not want to cuddle after sex. 60 percent of women masturbate, more than half have sex several times a week. The results of the report by prof. Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz surprised the author himself. Are we dealing with a third sexual revolution?
The universal access to birth control pills has revolutionized women’s sexuality as it has reduced their fear of pregnancy. Finally, they could make love with impunity during the fertile days, when they usually want sex the most. Until now, those days, if a woman did not dream of being a mother, they were forbidden. Not since then, and this awakened female sexual appetites. Another change (sexologists call it the second revolution) in our erotic life was brought by the Internet, or more precisely – universal access to it. It is, of course, about being able to participate in erotic chats and more hardcore forms of virtual fulfillment. Has revolution number three started before our very eyes?
What about this sex?
The report was based on surveys completed by a representative sample of 1054 women aged 18 to over 70. Prof. Lew-Starowicz compared the results with those from the 1992 and 2005 reports. It is evident that the sexual needs of Polish women are growing. More than three-quarters of women (76,5 percent) admit needing to have sex at least once a week, roughly half in 2005 (52,6 percent) and 1992 percent in 35,3. The number of women who have sex less than a few times a month has dropped significantly. It is only 6,2 percent, compared to 2005 percent in 13, and 1992 percent in 22,6. In addition, over half of Polish women have sex several times a week. Great, but which ones? And here it gets very interesting.
Two-thirds of women aged 60+ are still sexually active. The same frequency in this matter has in Poland … 30-39-year-olds! – For women aged 60-70, the role of sex is very important. This is as much as 10 percent higher than for women just before menopause.
I wonder if this result proves that in their XNUMXs, women finally have time for sex and strength to enjoy it, because they are no longer burdensome with corporations.
And although for years studies of various institutes carried out among women aged 15-40 show that 90 percent of Polish women have complexes and are dissatisfied with their bodies, it turns out that half of the retirees consider themselves sexually attractive. This is good news for young women who are complex, who spend their lives on successive diets and saving on botox: listen, you will pass with age and retirement, although they will probably be minimal, half of you will be convinced that no one can resist you.
And whether it is a novelty or it has been so for a long time, we do not know. Because the group of women in the menopausal age (50-60 years) and older – over 60 is usually omitted in reports on sexuality. 130 women participated in the study in the oldest group (XNUMX+).
Who ends up too soon?
Polled by prof. Starowicz, Polish women were asked if they had a problem with reaching orgasm too quickly (they, not their partner). – This problem is practically non-existent, but I included it in the survey just in case – recalls the professor. So it has been confirmed that the problem does not exist. But another appeared.
A sex therapist talks about a new and somewhat surprising phenomenon about “quick exits”. And it’s not about orgasm, but what happens next. Men began to complain that they wanted a moment of affection right after the intercourse, and women did not. And it’s not that they do what the stereotype ascribed to men. No, they don’t turn their backs on their partner and fall asleep. Instead, they open a laptop and start checking the company e-mail, preparing a presentation for work, completing the project. – They are businesswomen – explains Lew-Starowicz. Luckily for men, 5,2 percent of them complain about being insensitive. So we can say that 94,8 percent of men receive enough affection from women, or they are satisfied with sex alone.
Who does a single woman want?
Complaining about men among friends can be almost good. Watching films about the life of single women in a big and small town, one gets the impression that women are disappointed with men. – The same happens during street surveys – says professor Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz. – When the question is asked: “Are you satisfied with your partner?”, The interviewers listen to the whole litany: “Eh, he is insensitive, he does not understand me, he underestimates my problems, he spends too little time with me and the children, he completely lacks empathy …” And as in the questionnaire there is a choice of “yes” and “no”, women choose “yes”. The gentle effect is activated – says the professor. Yes, this is what it means that despite the fashion for criticizing partners, Poland is satisfied with their boyfriends, fiancés and husbands. And when asked if their love is reciprocated or if the man is as committed to the relationship as the woman, 91 percent of the women said yes. – Only nine out of a hundred women are not sure whether their partner reciprocates their feelings, says Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz. I admit that I cannot decide whether the fact that 9 out of 100 women do not know if their partner loves them is in fact “barely” or rather “as much”.
The professor is an obvious optimist, and he openly admits it because he says it is a good sign that for only four percent of women physical contact with their partner is unsatisfactory, even disgusting, and for fifteen – “not very satisfying”.
Romantics or nymphos?
Twenty percent of Polish women feel pain with sex, but not all consider it a problem and admit (not with pain) that they have satisfactory sex. Prof. Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz believes that they probably enjoy being close to their partner and knowing that they make him happy. And I wonder if by any chance this acceptance of pain is a side effect for some of them from reading and watching stories about Mr. Gray.
On the other extreme, there are women who do not need sex at all, or only occasionally. Almost one third of Polish women (29 percent) have little or no sexual needs. It seemed to me a lot and that it was disturbing. Professor Lew-Starowicz reassures that this is not the cause of anxiety, because 20 years ago, roughly one third of women avoided sex.
There is one more group of women … – I don’t have very good news for men – this is how Professor Lew-Starowicz talks about this category, which proves changes in Polish customs. The number of women who say they have too little sex has increased by a third (compared to research conducted 20 years ago).
There are also more of those who have more than one partner (of course only sexual partners, not life partners). What’s new is not that they have lovers, but that they admit it in polls. – Years ago, this question was ignored by women. They did not answer “yes” or “no”, they simply ignored them – says professor Lew-Starowicz. Even if the survey was anonymous and, for example, online, so the interviewer did not see them. In general, this openness of women is a significant change. They answer questions about sex directly, without embarrassment.
Orgasm, but what?
Most women do not achieve orgasm without stimulation of the clitoris, while minorities achieve it by intercourse alone without stimulating the clitoris at the same time. And if it doesn’t work out anyway, there’s masturbation. Women of all ages resort to it, and among 70-year-olds as much as 60 percent of those who are still sexually active. The study does not specify whether because they are single or not sexually satisfied with their partner. What’s new is that women are starting to use gadgets to masturbate. It is still not common, but still, as the sexologist claims, it causes anxiety and envy of men. All in all, it’s hardly surprising that they would rather be the culprits of their partner’s orgasm than feel like they have to compete with some pink silicone toy.
“I have sexual disorders” – this problem was the least frequently signaled by women aged 50+. Less often than younger women (35-49 years old) they report no orgasm or that they are not enjoying sex. – They do not even complain about vaginal dryness, which is quite a common problem due to the decrease in estrogen – says prof. Starowicz. They don’t see the problem, or maybe problems avoid them, or maybe it’s a taboo for them and they don’t even want to admit to themselves that something is wrong? The sexologist says that perhaps at this age they start to suffer from health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart problems, etc. And they focus on them temporarily, not on analyzing their satisfaction with sex or not.
Middle-aged and elderly women, even if something bothers them, do not even talk to gynecologists or general practitioners about their troubles, not to mention visiting a sexologist. Instead, they look for information on the Internet. Unfortunately, Dr. Google has little to say about middle-aged sex.
Classic position – favorite
The revolution did not turn everything upside down. Nothing has changed with regard to contraception – we choose the same methods as 30 years ago (condom, pills, natural methods). And we still have the same favorite sex position – the classic one. – I am not an opponent of the classic position, but I was a little surprised that there is not much variety. And for feminists, this position is after all a submissive position of a woman. Maybe the women want to succumb in bed after all? – wonders professor Lew-Starowicz. Maybe they want to, but only make-believe. Because violence and forced sex in the relationships of the surveyed women almost do not occur. (I assume women were indeed open-minded in research). Like bad memories of sexual initiation – hardly any of us have them.
Despite the availability of the Internet, most women still meet their partners in real life – usually during college. – I always advise my students: “Look for a husband during studies, because then you can find yourself in a feminized environment” – says prof. Starowicz.
Contrary to appearances, the age of sexual initiation has not decreased at all, on the contrary – for the first time from year to year, most girls decide later and later. Can we see the impact of introducing religion into schools in this? The sexologist doesn’t think so.
– The Ministry of Education would say that it is thanks to the programs introduced in schools, and the church that it is its influence. I think the reason is completely different – sex is no longer as forbidden fruit as it used to be, says the professor. – There is an internet with erotic chats, besides, women can be satisfied, for example, by advanced petting, so they are not in a hurry to get into classic intercourse – he adds. He believes that even the extreme right-wing government will not change anything in our morality. – The communists were very puritanic, they treated sexual minorities as a pathology. In many countries, attempts were made to introduce the model of a socialist family. Failed to. Similarly with the church – although it exists 2000 years and has a powerful influence machine – from sermons and catecheses to scaring hell (and fear always has a strong influence), and so most people who believe in God and declare themselves as Catholics do not wait for marriage with sex and follow contraception. Therefore, it is regrettable that the appointment of Dr. Urszula Dudziak (for those who contest what is happening in Polish politics: no, it is not a jazz singer), who considers contraception to be barbaric, to be an expert of the Ministry of National Education in the field of sex education, confuses young Poles, prof. . Starowicz considers it unfounded. He says: “People live as they want. Fortunately, we are free in sex. And who of the young people would care about a lady’s lectures on D.? For my half of my students, they also keep drumming their fingers on the screens of their phones. ”
So how to sum up the changes in male and female life in our country? – Poles, especially Polish women, took advantage of the changes in customs that took place in the country after 1989. Research has clearly shown that they are now more open in expressing their sexuality. It is also accompanied by a greater awareness of needs and a realistic look at the sphere of partnership relations – comments Prof. Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz.
– It is just as I predicted years ago that the erotic potential of women will be realized. And the men stopped. They are afraid of what is happening, they are scared, they regret the situation. This is the third sexual revolution – says prof. Lew-Starowicz. What does this mean for men? The professor replies equally bluntly, half jokingly, but probably half seriously: “Men can cope with porn and with their own hand.”
Relationships are doing well
What do these changes mean for the relationship? – This revolution is more about sex itself than relationships. Relationships are still assessed as satisfactory, most women say that they have an emotional bond with their partner. And I expected the women to speak of great disappointment – says the professor. And he adds that although many people believe that Poland is patriarchal (even when looking at the number of men in the Sejm), the report showed that the forces at home are evenly distributed: one third of pairs is ruled by a man, in one third by a woman, and in one-third is based on partnership relations and decisions are made jointly.
– The revolution does not break relationships, it only increases the demands on sex. On the part of women, expectations are growing – says Zbigniew Lew-Starowicz. Well, but what will happen with us, e.g. in 10 years, if more and more women start their computers unceremoniously right after sex, and more and more men complained about the sensitivity deficit? Perhaps the theses from books in the genre “Men are from Mars …”, “Why women cry and men lie” will no longer be relevant, and even Professor Starowicz will have to add to his books “Everything about a woman” and “Everything about a man” “Include a small errata?
“Women’s sexuality. 2016 Report ”will be published in the form of a book at the beginning of 2017, by the Termedia Publishing House.