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There is a myth in our culture that women lose their sex appeal after 40-45 and start a lonely, sad life without a man. Why is this not so and why is a mature woman more attractive than a young one?
The cult of youth and beauty, which is artificially instilled in us by the industry of fashion, cosmetology and a healthy lifestyle, dictates precisely such attitudes. But look around. Women after 40 are bright, energetic, sexy. And many of them have a satellite nearby. A woman becomes sexually unattractive only if she is not interested in sex. If sex is not among her values.
The age of partial decline in female sexuality is 30–40 years. A woman’s libido only grows with age, but it is in this socially active period that other tasks come to the fore and there is simply not enough energy for a full-fledged sex life. A woman is more likely to be found working late at the office or on the playground with a child than in bed with a man. But after 40 comes the second heyday.
Why mature women are more attractive
At 40–45, a woman has already fulfilled her material and social tasks, she has realized herself as a wife and mother, and is gradually returning to the world of sensual pleasures.
For young women, sex is rarely valuable in itself. They are looking for more than just a sexual partner. They are faced with the task of getting married, having children. They set a lot of associated expectations for their partner. And good sex is often hindered by the girl’s thoughts about whether the partner is ready to marry her, whether he can provide for the family.
A mature woman views sex as a value in itself. She needs sensual pleasure. Nothing more. She was already married, as a rule. In most cases, she already has children, the material base is built, friends and a career satisfy other needs. There are no associated expectations that create tension in a sexual relationship. Therefore, sexual life is possible with total immersion, presence and surrender.
2. They are more sensual and orgasmic
With age, a woman’s sexuality develops on the rise. This was confirmed by all the women 45+ I interviewed. The more sexual experience a woman has, the higher her sensitivity, the more orgasmic she is. Good sex requires full presence in the moment «here and now», and this is better for mature women due to the absence of extraneous thoughts and tension.
Women are afraid of age, because it is associated with the inevitable loss of external beauty. The skin fades, muscles lose their tone, wrinkles appear on the face, hair turns gray. They think that with the loss of beauty they will become less desirable.
They are also very worried about the events that led to the appearance of external defects — accidents, operations. And often, because of an inferiority complex, they themselves refuse to have sex.
She can flirt, seduce verbally or non-verbally, take the initiative in sex
I want to reassure you. Not everyone «loves with their eyes.» Only visuals. There are also kinesthetics who “love with the skin”, tactile sensations are important for them. There are auditory people who “love with their ears”, and there are people for whom attraction is formed by smell.
These men will not devalue you because of wrinkles or cellulite. They care more about how you smell, how you respond to touch and touch, or how your voice sounds.
If a man has active all the senses, he can highly appreciate the sexuality of a mature woman. But it is precisely such men that we call sexy and want to be our partners.
3. They have more interest, desire and initiative
A mature woman has a lot of life experience. She was in different situations, made mistakes, drew conclusions. She has largely worked out her complexes and limitations. Therefore, in her sexual behavior there is more freedom and less shame. It directly expresses needs and desires. She can flirt, seduce verbally or non-verbally, take the initiative in sex. And her behavior in sexual contact is more «animal», free and natural.
A large assortment of models of sexual behavior gives her more chances to be in demand and realized in sex, as well as to find a suitable sexual partner for a harmonious, happy relationship.
4. They have more freedom in choosing partners.
Internal and external freedom, as well as the fact that it is at the peak of sexuality, allows a woman 45+ to consider men from 25 years old as potential sexual partners to the age when a man retains potency.
Often couples break up after the spouses reach the age of 40-45 years. The most common reason is problems with sex life. Sometimes husbands go to young women. No less often, wives go to younger men.
As a psychologist and psychotherapist, I listen to many client stories and know many cases where a man’s secret girlfriend is 10–20 years older than his wife and himself. The reason is in the biological cycles of men and women.
Sex is a channel through which you give your partner your love and receive it. Sex is the movement of life
A man’s sexuality peaks between 25 and 30 years of age. The peak of a woman’s sexuality is just before menopause 45-55 years. Therefore, a peer partner sometimes ceases to satisfy a sexually mature woman, and she finds a young partner whose libido level is as high as hers.
If the external attractiveness of a woman is important for a man, he loses sexual interest in a partner of the same age with age and finds a woman younger. But in general, although the level of sexuality of a man of 45–50 and a woman of 25 is approximately the same, it is still lower than that of a woman of 45–50 and her young partner.
5. They are mentally mature
Sex is inextricably linked with relationships in general, with the feelings of partners. A woman of mature age and psychologically more mature, therefore, in general, creates more harmonious relationships. She has more understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, kindness, love. And the general emotional background of the relationship for sex is very important.
All limits are in our heads. Some women say: “Where can I find a good man? They don’t exist.» But for a man, sex is no less important value than for a woman. More often pay attention to how men look at you, respond to compliments, do not immediately dismiss attempts to get to know each other.
Look at the man in front of you, feel him. They are also looking for a suitable sexual partner and are also very happy if they find one.
“If a coincidence occurs, then you walk like you are covered in sugar icing,” a friend, a woman over 45 of non-standard appearance, told me recently. Coincidence in sex is the key to happiness in other aspects of relationships.
There is no shame in showing your sexuality. Sex is a channel through which you give your partner your love and receive his love, through which you exchange energy. Sex is the movement of life.