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When children wonder about their gender identity
Children’s questions about sex are fundamental, because it is between the ages of 3 and 6 that they lay the foundations of their adult sexuality. But what to answer them? Clear things, with words appropriate to their age.
From 2 years old, children wonder about their sexual identity. Toddlers often worry that their little friends are not like them in every way. When he discovers the anatomy of a little girl, the little boy wonders and worries: if she does not have a penis, it is perhaps because he has fallen and that he too could to lose his? This is the famous “castration complex”. Likewise, the girl is deprived of a “tap” and wonders if he will push later. Put it right: girls, like boys, have a gender, but it’s not the same. That of the girls is seen less because it is inside (or hidden). Anyway, the penis is part of the body, it is not likely to come off. “Am I going to become a mom, a dad?” The toddler has just discovered the gender difference. To build his sexual identity, he must know that you are a girl or a boy forever. The little girl will become a woman who can carry a baby in her womb and become a mother. For that she will need the little seed of a man who will thus become a father. The important thing is to enhance the role of each person.
3-4 years: questions about conception
” How are babies made ? “
At this age, children have many questions about their origin and conception. Emphasize love and shared pleasure : “When lovers kiss and hug each other naked, it gives them a lot of pleasure. This is when they can make a baby: daddy’s penis (or penis) deposits a small seed in mom’s slit (or vagina), daddy’s seed meets mom’s, and it gives an egg which, well sheltered in the mother’s womb, grows bigger to become a baby. »That is more than enough for him!
“How did I get out of your belly?” “
You just have to be clear: the baby comes out through a small hole that is part of the mother’s sex. This is not the hole that the girls pee through, it is another small hole just behind, and which is elastic, that is, when the baby is ready to come out, the passage widens for him and tightens afterwards. Follow up on the emotion and happiness you felt when it was born.
4-5 years: children ask their parents about sexuality and love
“Do all lovers kiss on the mouth?” “
For now, when he sees lovers kissing, he is embarrassed and finds it rather disgusting. Explain to him that lovers want it, that it makes them happy, and that he, he will in turn discover and appreciate the gestures of love when he grows up, when he has met a young girl with whom he will be in love. But that for the moment, it is still too small for that. And that in no case will he be obliged to do so if he does not want to!
“What is making love?” »
Your curious little one has perhaps already played at “making love” with a friend: we stick together, we kiss and we laugh, a little guilty. You must convey two truths to him: firstly, it’s the adults who make love, not the children. Second, it is neither dirty nor shameful. Explain that when grown-ups are in love, they want to touch each other, to cuddle naked because that’s how it feels good. Making love is first used to share a great pleasure together, and also allows you to have a baby, if desired.