One of the features of the behavior of boys and girls of primary school age is the formation of gender-uniform groups (homogenization), the relationship between which is often described as «sex segregation». Children are divided into two opposite camps — boys and girls — with their own rules and rituals of behavior; betrayal of «one’s own» camp is despised and condemned, and the attitude towards the other camp takes the form of confrontation.
These external manifestations of psychosexual differentiation and sexual socialization are the result of psychological patterns.
Regardless of the place of residence and cultural environment, certain differences are observed in the behavior of boys and girls already in the first six years of life. Boys aged 6-8 years are active and require more attention, while girls are more gentle and calm. Moreover, boys behave more aggressively. Aggression is the type of behavior that always distinguishes men from women, regardless of age.
Always and everywhere, boys, with rare exceptions, are focused on high achievements and must rely on themselves to a greater extent than girls. In turn, girls are distinguished by tenderness and meekness. Boys are encouraged to be more active, while girls are more petted.
Another consequence of different stereotypes of children’s behavior is that men and women form completely different ways of group interaction.
The girls in the group pay attention primarily to who and how they relate to whom. The conversation is used by them to establish social bonds, to strengthen group cohesion and maintain good relations. Girls always have two tasks — to be «positive» and at the same time maintain the best possible relationship with their friends in order to achieve their own goals with their help. Girls lead the way by increasing the level of agreement in the group, avoiding friction and emphasizing their own superiority.
In groups of boys, all attention is focused on the personal merits of each member of the group. Boys use conversations for selfish purposes, for self-praise, to protect their «territory». They all have one task — self-affirmation. Boys make their way through orders, threats, and bluster.
The games and activities of boys are emphatically masculine: war, sports, adventure. Boys prefer heroic literature, read adventure, military, chivalrous, detective themes, their role models are courageous and courageous heroes of popular thrillers and TV shows: James Bond, Batman, Indiana Jones.
At this age, boys have a special need for closeness to their father, the presence of common interests with him; many idealize fathers even contrary to reality. It is at this age that the departure of the father from the family is experienced by boys especially hard. If there is no father or relations with him are not going well, then there is a need for a figure to replace him, which can be a coach in the sports section, a male teacher.
Girls in their circle discuss literary and real «princes», begin to collect portraits of their favorite artists, start notebooks in which they write down songs, poems and folklore wisdom, which often seem primitive and vulgar to adults, delve into «women’s» affairs (exchange culinary recipes, make decorations). During this period, there is a special need for emotional closeness with the mother: little girls learn to be women by copying the behavior of their mother.
Since girls develop a sense of identity through identification with their mother, their relationships with others are based on dependence on and attachment to other people. Girls learn to be attentive, early realize the need to think first of all about others.
For them, the main value is human relationships. Girls learn to perceive all the subtleties of people’s communication, appreciate and maintain good relations. From childhood, they are always preoccupied with how their behavior affects others.
Girls games develop the ability to cooperate. Mother-daughter games or doll games are role-playing games that lack elements of competition. And in competitive games, for example, in classes, girls improve personal qualities rather than group communication skills.
Boys are the opposite. They suppress the desire to identify with their mother, they have to vigorously suppress any manifestations of femininity (weakness, tears) in themselves — otherwise their peers will tease the “girl”.
For a boy, being a man means being different from his mother, and boys develop a sense of identity by cultivating the consciousness of being different from all that is feminine. They repel compassion, pity, care, compliance. They do not attach so much importance to relationships with others. What matters is how they affect the final result.
Boys’ games teach a completely different type of behavior. In the games of boys, there is always a conflict and competitive beginning. Boys understand the importance of proper conflict resolution and learn the skills to resolve them. They learn to fight with opponents and play with them. In games, boys learn the skills of a leader and an organizer. They learn to fight for status in the male hierarchy. Collective sports games are very important for boys.
Girls do not value winning the game because maintaining good relationships is more important to them than asserting their own superiority. Improving their communication skills, they learn to complement each other, not paying attention to the winners. In groups of girls, there is practically no ground for the emergence of conflicts, because they are homogeneous, and the rules of the game are so primitive that they are difficult to break.
Since girls and boys build relationships in such a different way, relationships in children’s groups develop differently. For example, before starting to speak, the girl will refer to what the previous interlocutor said and will express her opinion, which is completely different from the previous one. The boys, not embarrassed, interrupt each other, try to shout over each other; the girls fall silent, giving everyone the opportunity to speak. Girls soften instructions and involve girlfriends in the process of communication. Boys just give out information and orders to do this and that.
Girls politely listen to each other, from time to time inserting friendly encouraging remarks. Boys often tease the speaker, interrupt each other and try to immediately tell their own stories, hoping to get the palm and refusing to reckon with the demands of others.
When a conflict arises, the girls try to soften it and negotiate, and the boys resolve the contradictions that have arisen with the help of threats and the use of physical force.
Boys function successfully and effectively in groups, which can be seen in the example of sports teams. In boys’ groups, no one cares about the feelings of others, these groups are supported by extremely strict adherence to the rules.
For both girls and boys, the period of separation of interests depending on gender is the time of self-determination in the system of role standards and relationships.
But just this development includes the emergence of interest in the opposite sex, manifested in a kind of courtship. All its originality is understandable, given that it is attraction in a situation of repulsion, sympathy in conditions of sexual segregation. The boy needs to show the girl that he singled her out among other girls, and draw her attention to himself, without causing condemnation from her peers.
The girl, in turn, without causing condemnation of her peers, must respond to this. These internally contradictory tasks are solved through a system of outwardly aggressive actions of boys and defensive actions of girls. For boys, pulling girls’ hair is a traditional way to get attention. This courtship does not cause any serious conflicts between children. It differs from hooliganism in that it always happens in public and does not carry anger or a desire to offend, even when it looks very cocky. Girls often themselves, as it were, provoke boys to such a manifestation of attention, making fun of them in every possible way. Girls’ complaints usually have a connotation of alerting others to the attention. The absence of it can cause the girl to feel inferior, unattractive.
When boys and girls so dissimilar in behavior are together, the boys always manage to take the lead. Girls are by no means passive in a peer group, but in a mixed group they are always on the sidelines, allowing the boys to set the rules and take the lead.
Boys of primary school age are already striving in every possible way to establish their «Z» in the peer group, so they are becoming less receptive to polite requests and suggestions from girls. It is not surprising that girls find games with boys unpleasant and avoid them in every possible way.
Games for a boy do not mean at all what they mean for a girl. Girls learn to interact by developing and maintaining good relationships. Boys learn cooperative action by playing sports and competitive games in which they strive to achieve a leading position.
Features of behavior during the period of separation of interests depending on gender cause anxiety in adults and the desire to call children to «order». Parents and teachers should not gu.e. intervene in communication between boys and girls, as they can interfere with the full and detailed passage of children through the natural stage of development.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.