A woman’s desire to have sex is influenced by many factors: emotional mood, self-satisfaction and relationships. Women may be aroused but not want sex. This is completely normal, says the sexologist. And tells how to turn excitement into a real desire.
Have you ever been in the mood for sex at first, but then managed to get turned on? You may have wondered how normal this is. I hasten to reassure you: absolutely normal! This is especially true for women in long-term relationships — they are able to experience arousal and achieve orgasm, even if they were not initially in the mood for sex.
Again, you may ask: is it okay to get aroused without feeling desire? Doesn’t the lack of desire indicate some kind of problem? In fact, in many cases this may indicate some kind of trouble, but quite often this is how the circular nature of the normal female sexual cycle manifests itself.
What is a «sexual cycle»?
The sexual cycle is also called the sexual response cycle. First, let’s define what a «sexual reaction» is? So called all the psychological and physiological reactions of our body during sex. Sexologists William Masters, Virginia Johnson, and Helen Kaplan developed a four-stage sexual cycle model.
1. Desire. This is the psychological component of the sexual cycle. Sexual desire is a feeling of a psychological attitude towards sex. This includes sexual thoughts, fantasies and other psychological factors of arousal — the attractiveness of a partner, his smell, voice, familiar touch and caress.
2. Excitation. This is the physiological component of the cycle. Excitation is a reaction of the body, showing its readiness for sexual intercourse. In addition to the physiological response, it also includes a feeling of physical arousal. Signs of sexual arousal are, first of all, an increase in heart rate, increased blood pressure, increased breathing, a rush of blood to the genitals, an erection in men, moisturizing the vagina, enlargement of the uterus and an increase in the clitoris in women.
3. Orgasm. This is the peak of the excitation phase. Respiration rate, heart rate and blood pressure rise sharply at the moment of orgasm, and the accumulated tension is released by a series of contractions of the pelvic muscles. In men, orgasm is usually, though not always, accompanied by ejaculation. In some cases, ejaculation during orgasm is also possible in women.
4. Rest. The body returns to its normal state — the way it was before sexual arousal. Sexual and reproductive organs (penis in men, clitoris, vagina and uterus in women) return to their normal size. The rest phase in women lasts much less than in men, and they quickly become ready for re-excitation. In men, it can last from several minutes to many hours, and during this period they are not able to be aroused, even experiencing psychological sexual desire.
Features of the sexual cycle in women
The model described above is linear. Desire is followed by excitement, which ends with orgasm. This accurately describes the sexual cycle in men. But the linear model does not always apply to women.
Dr. Rosemary Basson argues that women do not always initially experience desire. However, when stimulated, either on their own or by a partner, they may experience arousal, followed by a psychological mood.
In other words, a woman can be ready for sex and don’t mind having it without feeling «in the mood.» But, aroused by masturbation or foreplay, she also experiences psychological desire.
Spontaneous desire usually occurs in women who have only recently entered into a relationship with a new partner or who see their old partner after a long separation. It is completely normal for women who live with a partner to not experience spontaneous strong sexual desire or to experience it rarely.
Even when «not in the mood», women are able to experience sexual arousal after stimulation
In addition, women usually want to have sex in the first place in order to feel a special closeness with a partner, and not for purely physiological relaxation. A woman’s sexual responses are also influenced by her relationship satisfaction, attitudes towards her own body, and past sexual experiences. Conflicts, lack of emotional contact with a partner, dissatisfaction with her own body, unsuccessful sexual experiences in the past — all this can greatly affect her sexual function.
Women also respond better to stimulation than men. Even when «not in the mood», they are able to experience sexual arousal after stimulation (masturbation, foreplay, viewing erotica, or even feeling emotional closeness with a partner in the process of communication).
It is important to remember that a sufficiently long period of foreplay is very important to achieve sexual satisfaction.