«Sexting» and other dangers: how teenagers are forced to have sex

Some time ago, the mother of a graduate girl turned to me. After the quarrel, her daughter’s «first love» threatened to publish photos and correspondence of an intimate nature if she did not return to him. The scandal was hushed up only when parents from both sides joined the case.

Many teenagers who are in love with or imitate popular characters on the Web send their ambiguous photos without thinking that all this can be used against them. Modern technology has helped stir up a buzz around an age-old problem, but it has also exacerbated it by providing new means of influence.

Teenagers literally «live» in smartphones and social networks, and those who care about their safety need to be aware of the most common situations that can harm.

Sextorshn and revenge porn

Our vocabulary has already included the concepts of «abuse», «harassment», «victimblaming». Now new terms can be added to them, born in the English-speaking environment, but explaining the unfortunate practice that is spreading in many countries.

Forensic pathologist and clinical psychologist Abigail Judge defines neologisms.

«Sextortion» refers to coercion or other means of obtaining incriminating photographs or information from adolescents, followed by the threat of exposure if they refuse to have sexual intercourse. «Porn revenge» is the publication of unintentionally created candid photographs of a person without their consent. Both can have serious psychological and social consequences for the injured party.

Modern technologies create conditions for the abuse of power. Even if teenagers have an idea about healthy relationships, they probably spend a lot of time on social networks and instant messengers. They may lose their guard and allow themselves to be impulsive and careless.

“Being aware of your sexuality and its impact on others can be confusing,” the expert said. “Combined with limited relationship experience, this sometimes results in teens not knowing when another teen’s behavior is becoming overtly coercive.”

In addition, the victim often feels ashamed, it is difficult for her to confess to others, and therefore many are silent about such problems.

How to talk to teenagers about sexual blackmail?

We teach our children to cross the road at green lights and not to enter the elevator with strangers. Now, perhaps, there is a need to explain to them the rules of security in the digital space, including the protection of very personal information. Abigail Judge has compiled a «cheat sheet» for parents who don’t know how to approach a sensitive topic.

1. It is important to initiate a conversation with teenagers yourself. Even if they roll their eyes and defiantly close their ears, they still listen to us — research has proven this. The general rules for talking to teenagers apply here as well: listen more, talk less, keep an open mind and open mind, and ask questions.

2. The study of one’s own attractiveness and sexuality is normal for adolescence, the psychologist reminds. And «sexting», that is, the exchange of candid photos in instant messengers, can become one of the manifestations of puberty. For a parent who discovers this, this does not mean that the teenager is a «pervert» or necessarily already a victim of coercion. But this is an occasion to start talking about security.

3. Coercion often happens gradually, Judge notes. First one request, then another, and step by step it becomes more and more difficult for the victims to refuse. Because of this dynamic, they may feel like they are part of the process. By clarifying how this works in conversations, parents can help children not feel guilty about being coerced.

4. «Sextortion» and «revenge porn» can get the victim into big trouble. They can give rise to bullying and harassment, which in turn will cause very strong feelings in a teenager. In some cases, parents who protect the victim should think about limiting access to digital media, the expert believes.

5. The task of parents is to ensure that the teenager is otherwise well, to take care of his mental health. Observe for other factors that make him or her more vulnerable to an unhealthy relationship. Trauma, family conflicts, domestic violence, social isolation can be reasons for increased attention to the condition of a teenager.

Features of coercive behavior

When explaining the mechanism of possible manipulation to a daughter or son, parents should consider two main components:

• Power imbalance. It can manifest itself as a difference in age, social status, intelligence. If parents find out that a teenager is in such an unequal relationship, they should find out what they are building on, what the child likes in this person and how friends react to such a connection.
• Alternating bad and good treatment. Periods of love and care can be replaced by control and anger. This reinforces unhealthy attachment.

Any forced relationship is deeply hurtful and difficult to discuss. If parents freely communicate with a teenager and leave room for dialogue, they can warn him of dangers or provide help if something bad has already happened.

The victim’s shame may prevent her from seeking help, but parents are able to assess the situation from an adult perspective and, if necessary, consult with professionals.

About the Expert: Abigail Judge is a clinical and child psychologist and forensic pathologist.