Many men have erotic fantasies that they hesitate to talk about. We asked the psychoanalyst to analyze the most common of them and explain what these scenarios mean.
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Sexual fantasies are completely natural. But sharing them and putting them into practice should be done with great care and not always. Why?
“First of all, because real actions often disappoint not only the partner, but also the initiator of the experiment,” explains psychoanalyst Didier Dumas. – For example, such a fantasy: unexpected sex in the toilet of the train. Its reality may differ significantly from the intention.
By creating the conditions for the realization of this plot, the man destroys the charm of surprise. And after he persuades the lady and they squeeze the two of them into a cramped closet, they will have to put up with smells that were not in their fantasy, endure the impatience of other passengers pulling the handle from that side, and, possibly, the appearance of an angry conductor. In general, the dream risks turning into a nightmare.
Fantasies reveal those aspects of a man’s personality that are usually hidden in his unconscious and the discovery of which can shock a woman. The psychoanalyst describes five sexual practices that most men dream of and that are quite feasible. These dreams reveal some male secrets.
Sex without foreplay
To attack and take possession, to quench desire without wasting time on caresses – a man dreams of becoming like a beast during the mating season. But few people are ready to move on to action: sex without foreplay is perceived as a demonstration of power, a manifestation of the selfishness of an immature person. Because it deprives partners of emotional involvement and reduces sexuality to the connection of the genitals. Because a woman may think that her body is just a tool and that anyone could be in her place. In general, because it resembles rape.
What is worth remembering. Before rudely attacking his lady, the gentleman should make sure that she is experiencing the same desire at that moment. And for this it is necessary that all feelings are tuned to it. So unprepared sex paradoxically requires a lot of sensitivity.
risky sex
To do it in the office, in the elevator, in the stairwell, in the toilet of a restaurant or train, at the risk of being caught, such work of the imagination is incredibly exciting. The “dangerous” environment provides an invigorating adrenaline rush and satisfies exhibitionist cravings. It also allows a man to test his determination and fearlessness. Such a fantasy is akin to the statement: “I can have sex anywhere I want and don’t care about the consequences!”
What is worth remembering. If you firmly make sure in advance that a woman is ready and willing to take risks, then extreme adventures will add spice to your sex life. But a timid or shy girl is unlikely to like them, the pleasure will not be mutual.
bondage sex
To entangle your partner with ropes so that she cannot move may seem like a variation on the fantasy of power. But true fans of bondage know that this is primarily an aesthetic pleasure, a kind of theatrical-erotic performance.
Its recognized masters are Japanese. The ability to restrain and hold is at the core of Japanese culture: meditation postures require stillness and concentration, the tea ceremony requires refined and refined movements, and wearing a kimono requires skillful handling of knots.
In the West, erotic bondage is often referred to as one of the numerous practices of sadomasochism. The association with violence and the strangeness of the experience can turn many women off.
What is worth remembering. To fulfill this fantasy, it is better to explain to the woman in advance what the meaning of the upcoming event is, for example, to describe the idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXba magnificent theater production in which she will play the main role. The partner addresses her and her body with his admiration, expressing it in exquisite actions. The art of tying requires a developed aesthetic taste and considerable ingenuity, allows for a bit of humor, but does not forgive mediocrity.
anal sex
This is one of the first fantasies that men admit to. Why so much enthusiasm? In addition to the fact that the anal area is very erogenous, anal sex gives a feeling of power, complete possession. And the fact that many women are not ready for him only increases his attractiveness.
Anal sex gives pleasure to a woman only if she is very excited and trusts her partner
A man can easily imagine that a woman would never allow anyone but him to this part of the body. Therefore, if he achieves his goal, anal sex gives him an exciting sense of his own exclusivity. And the subtle flavor of the forbidden game – due to associations with homosexuality and sadomasochism. After all, in this way he could take possession of the body of a man. And in this way, the partner could enter him with the help of a dildo.
Finally, anal sex does not lead to fertilization, which gives some reason to consider it a perversion and thus turns it into a forbidden fruit with all its sweetness.
What is worth remembering. Anal sex is impossible without prior preparation. He gives pleasure to a woman only if she is very excited and has a strong desire and great confidence in her partner. To prevent microtrauma, a lubricant must be used.
Threesome
One man with two women – such a composition seems to many to be a symbol of complete satisfaction and omnipotence. A long-term girlfriend may not be enthusiastic about this fantasy, deciding that she cannot fully satisfy her partner and seeing a rival in the second woman.
A man, on the other hand, perceives this situation differently: he does not question the sexual merits of his partner, but, on the contrary, wants to involve her in a new erotic game. He writes a script in which two women caress each other because they lack a man, and he watches them and then joins in to satisfy both. In a sense, he assigns himself the role of a hero.
For some men, threesomes involve the reverse ratio of one woman to two men. In this case, the fantasy reflects the desire for exhibitionism, the desire to show another man his power, demonstrating his penis in action and “sharing” his woman with him. It may also hide a penchant for homosexuality, the hope of satisfying it in a mixture of bodies.
What is worth remembering. Whatever the conscious and unconscious reasons for such desires, the realization of this fantasy can destroy the relationship.
Don’t force yourself!
This is an unconditional rule of any sex. If your partner wants to try a new sexual practice, but you do not immediately respond positively, you can offer him to discuss it first and ask for time to think it over. Often agreeing to listen kindly to a story about a fantasy is enough, and the partner will not insist on its implementation.
If he still wants to move on to action, and you still don’t have such a desire, don’t force yourself to do something that you don’t want to. You can tell your partner about your warm feelings for him and at the same time refuse to perform a particular scenario. In return, you can offer what you like.