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Sex They gave me pumpkins, how do I get over it?
Interest in a person that is not reciprocated or unexpected breakups in a relationship can be “cured” with self-love and attending to the previous signs.
The saying goes “I judged you a melon and you turned out to be a pumpkin.” There are several theories that relate the pumpkin to the loving rejection. While some allude to the properties attributed to them by the Greeks (that their consumption lowered the libido), others point to its origin in the Middle Ages, specifically in monasteries, where pumpkin seeds were used in rosary beads to ward off thoughts. impure. In Gonzalo Correa’s «Vocabulary of proverbial sayings and phrases» it is suggested that this expression is related to what those who learned to swim did using pumpkins as floats, because when they no longer needed them, they abandoned them.
The truth is that, despite the age of the expression “to give pumpkins” (the Academy Dictionary appeared for the first time in 1780 with the meaning of “rejecting women the proposition of a boyfriend”) is still used with that meaning, that of “rejecting someone who is interested in you.”
Why do we make movies?
The story usually begins like this. We know someone, we like them, they seem to like us, we get excited, we get interested and that’s when … we get on the movie. And it is precisely about that film that the psychologist Laura Chica, author of “365 dates with you” alerts us. «We believe we have found the perfect man or the perfect woman and we deposit in him (or her) all the expectations and delusions that we have and we also think that he or she is just what we need. Don’t you think it’s giving too much responsibility a person you just met? ”he asks. For the psychologist, who is also the author of the book “Who are you?”, The key is that, in these circumstances, we usually look for the other to love us “everything that we don’t get, we want ourselves.”
Somehow, we reinterpret each behavior or each word according to our interest or our “movie.” That’s when we justify everything, with phrases like: “If he doesn’t call me, it will be because he’s busy”, “he won’t have had time to look at his cell phone”, “he won’t take long to ask me how I’m doing”, “he must be very tired or tired to go out”. But the truth is that, according to Laura Chica, what really provides information about the interest we arouse in another person is look at the facts and not the words. Thus, the psychologist advises to delimit reality as much as possible and work on the affectivity with close people, who love us, because it is those people around us who sometimes open our eyes telling us: “But don’t you realize what is happening to you?”
In addition to things like taking a long time to call or respond to messages, some other signs that indicate a lack of interest are: prioritizing yourself (or yourself) all the time, regardless of what it means to you; or that always manage the times when answering, meeting or making plans. «These are information that indicates that for that person you are not his priority», Says Chica.
To “cure” the issues related to heartbreak, Laura Chica proposes to work on the “self-love” taking as a basis and as a reference this phrase: «I care about you, but I care more about you». The expert affirms that it is a phrase that those who have ever found themselves in this situation like to repeat because, as she affirms, it is important to be clear that sometimes trying to be loved, we get lost along the way. «You have to remember that we deserve whenever they love us and take care of us and that, if there is no reciprocity, you are not with the right person ”, he reveals.
What if he leaves me when we are already a couple?
Sometimes it can happen that we are in a relationship in which apparently everything is going well and the other person seems interested in us or we can even come to believe that he loves us. But it turns out that, suddenly, that person leaves the relationship and we are devastated, without understanding what has happened and without having seen it coming, as Silvia Congost, an expert in emotional dependence y Self esteem who has just published his book “Alone” (he has also written “If it hurts, it’s not love”, “When loving too much is depending” and “Automatic self-esteem”).
Although sometimes there are no signs that this type of unexpected breaks It is going to happen, Silvia Congost clarifies that, in general, there are clues that are usually there: “What happens is that we don’t want to see them and we ignore them without realizing it,” she says.
For one thing, it may let’s not leave room for the other to show us their interest. “Maybe one is always the one who is proposing, calling or writing. Always in the first place, without letting the other do it when they feel it, without allowing them to connect with their desire for us. Withdrawing a little and observing what the other is doing will help us to see more clearly the level of interest that they have, “says Congost.
There are also situations where the relationship starts too fast. «The other person may show an excessive interest, the result of the initial infatuation and we do not allow time for everything to be seen. Right away he wants us to live together, he gives us a trip to the end of the world and introduces us to his whole family. And we may not even know each other well, since that takes time … I call them ‘rocket’ relationships, they go up very fast but just as they go up, one day they fall suddenly. And that leaves us devastated “, argues the author of” Alone. “
Other signs that can be an alert, according to Silvia Congost, are the attitudes that create us distrust such as the fact that there are parts of his life that he does not want to talk about or strange behaviors with the mobile, or even if he suddenly disappears and there are spaces in which nothing is known about him or her.