Touch is a special form of communication through which we show empathy, gratitude, tenderness and love. They tell how sexual partners are dear to each other, and it is impossible to fake sincere intimacy.
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In the course of evolution, people, like all social beings, have learned to show feelings through touch. Charles Darwin, the founder of evolutionary psychology, published On the Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals back in 1872. He was the first to notice that people and animals express emotions in almost the same way.
Is this why interspecies contacts are so easy for us? We understand when our dog is happy or sad, and the dog feels our mood. In the same way, we are able to understand without words when a romantic partner is fine with us, and when we fall into disgrace. Family relationship expert John Gottman calls it “building a wall.”
The partner is clearly angry, but does not want to discuss anything or is silent for fear of provoking a major quarrel. Instead, he defiantly pulls away. Punishes with cold indifference, but if you ask “What happened?”, He answers: “Nothing” in such a tone, as if we imagined that something was wrong.
Sex for show
People who live together for a long time often complain that they rarely have sex, or that intimate life has simply become boring, monotonous and uninteresting. But the biggest problem, which many are silent about, is sex “for show”.
It seems that the partner makes love to you, does not hide his erotic fantasies from you. In addition, he regularly receives his portion of sexual pleasure. Where is the problem here?
If the vague feeling that “something is wrong” does not leave, then the partner is pretending. Yes, he is always not averse to having sex, fulfills any desire and gives pleasure and gets an orgasm. Where does the emptiness and dissatisfaction come from? The problem is that his touch is more service than love.
He knows what “buttons” to press to bring him to orgasm. He is a great sexy “performer” and is even proud of his skill. Glad to be good in bed. But it is not hard to guess that he is far from being delighted with his “work”, and perhaps even with his “client”. By what signs can this be recognized? By touch.
Without additional non-verbal cues, just by the way people touch each other, you can unmistakably recognize the widest range of emotions. What does a gentle and loving touch say? About tenderness and care. The desire to respond to our feelings.
Touch, which is filled with love, expresses the need to be near. It should be good not only for us, but also for the partner. Such touches bring together so much that partners cannot get enough of each other. They strive to merge, become one, and both get incomparable, finely tuned sexual pleasure.
What to do when loving touches are not enough
Touch filled with love is not a sexual technique. This cannot be learned. We either feel and express feelings, or we don’t. If we feel love and tenderness for a partner, this happens automatically, unconsciously and will be non-verbally transmitted during sexual contact. This is how the power of mutual affection is manifested.
This cannot be imitated: it will not be possible to express what you do not feel. The partner will understand that we are pretending and playing passion, because we believe that we are obliged to do this. No matter how we treat our partner, touching during sex betrays real feelings.
In fact, intimate caresses are a barometer of marital relations, and real feelings cannot be faked. Orgasms can be faked, loving touches can’t. Of course, we can close our eyes to the fact that they have no place in our sex life.
Some prefer impersonal or rough sex without any tenderness. Or maybe they just don’t know what they are deprived of, because they have never experienced it and are sure that everything is fine with them, since they reach orgasm.
But many still believe that having sex filled with love is much more pleasant, and if this is not the case, they feel left out. Those who think this way should let humor, gratitude and tenderness into the family routine. And then everything will be fine in sexual relations.