Contents
And once again about how to talk about it. Parents sooner or later face the need to discuss the intricacies of sexual life and contraception with their grown children. Children are not always ready to discuss this with their parents. How to be?
The article was created specifically for the joint project PSYCHOLOGIES and the UNESCO Office in Moscow “Territory of TEENS: a guide for parents of adolescents.”
Parents are the first educators in time, therefore the responsibility for the sexual education of adolescents falls primarily on them. But the psychology of teenagers is arranged in such a way that it is emotionally easier for them to get information about the sexual side of life from their peers or from the Internet. How to build communication with teenagers on this topic and who is primarily responsible for the formation of a healthy lifestyle for children? Doctors Alexander Kulikov and Elena Meshkova are discussing.
Stories about storks and cabbages, about the fact that a child was “bought in a maternity hospital” or “made in a factory” … Many of today’s adults can remember what a shock it once was for them to find out where children really come from. In this recognition, as a rule, truth and lies, vulgarity and romanticism, shame and desire are mixed. And then, because of these lies and innuendo, girls at the age of 15 become mothers or risk never becoming mothers due to an interrupted pregnancy. Not taught to say “no”, out of bravado and curiosity, boys can try beer and “weed”, and then the needle, just so as not to be branded as a sissy. Risky behavior, whether in sex or in other areas of life, becomes habitual. Meanwhile, truthful and timely information could save these children from many of the difficulties of growing up.
Desires and reality
In the course of a sociological study*, adolescents, answering the question “Who should take care of the reproductive health of adolescents, their sexual education?”, in the first place put the answer “schoolchildren themselves” (60,8%), then “parents” (45,6 %). Only a quarter of teenagers expect to learn something valuable from the school curriculum and the last thing they expect is such enlightenment from teachers. The opinions of parents are fundamentally different from the opinions of adolescents. At the same time, parents believe that sexual education of children is primarily their responsibility (80,3% of responses), and only (41,7%) place the responsibility on the school. Thus, parents assign themselves the main role in sexual education, and adolescents rely mainly on themselves.
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At the same time, parents do not feel confident when it comes to conversations about intimate issues. 98% of the parents who answered expressed a desire to get specialist help to talk with their child. Such unpreparedness explains the real situation: only 10% of the adolescents surveyed answered that they received the first information on gender issues from their parents**. As Igor Kon writes: “Information of such an intimate nature, if it is communicated by a loved one, creates a tense emotional and erotic field in which both parents and children feel awkward. Not only do parents feel uncomfortable when talking about sexual topics, but teenagers also prefer to get this information in some other way, talking to their parents about these topics confuses and shocks them.
Who, if not parents?
Of course, parents in any case are the first in time and the main educators. From the moment a child is born, everything that they do and do not do, that parents say and keep silent about, forms his personality. The relationship of parents with each other, with the child and with others sets a pattern, which will then be manifested in his behavior. The example of parents in all matters, from how they communicate with each other and with the child, and ending with the way of life they lead, what values and beliefs they share, is of paramount importance for the child to assimilate the norms of thinking and behavior. It is good if the family sets a positive example, if the parents explain everything to the child in time and delicately, take upon themselves the formation of a healthy lifestyle for children.
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And if not? A teenager will still look for information that he needs and is interested in – about how his body changes (secondary sexual characteristics, menstruation, wet dreams) and soul (thoughts, desires, priorities), about how relationships develop (friendly and romantic ), about first love and first date, about starting a family and having children. What parents won’t say, an older friend in the yard or a search engine on the Internet will tell. But at the same time, there is a very big risk that what you hear from friends, read in a chat or on a random site will turn out to be not entirely true and even harmful. So sex education will come to pass one way or another, but its results can hardly be considered satisfactory.
Who will give the right information, help you navigate the flow of information, teach you to critically comprehend what you read, hear and see, make independent decisions, not succumb to ubiquitous advertising, and resist coercion from peers? Who, if parents are shy, do not know, cannot or do not want, will tell about physiology, reproduction and contraception, taking into account the psychology of adolescents? And he will convey the idea that relationships, love and family are best built on such universal values as the equality of men and women, respect for human rights, the inadmissibility of violence and responsibility for one’s actions.
Elena Meshkova – Candidate of Medical Sciences, pediatrician of the highest category, Honored Doctor of Ukraine, Deputy General Director of the National Children’s Specialized Hospital “OKHMATDET” (Kyiv, Ukraine)
Alexander Kulikov – Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor of the Department of Pediatrics and Pediatric Cardiology, I. I. Mechnikov North-Western Medical University, Head of the Educational, Methodological and Scientific Center for the Development of Youth-Friendly Clinics (with the support of UNICEF) (St. Petersburg, Russia).
* According to the study “Reproductive Health of Adolescents” (Institute of Sociology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, leader I.V. Zhuravleva, Tver, 2001).
** N. Luzan et al. “Medical and social studies of sexual behavior of adolescents in the Novosibirsk region for 5 years (1994-1998”). IPPP, 1999, No. 3.
*** I. Kon “Psychology of adolescence” (Enlightenment, 1979).
School as a promoter of a healthy lifestyle
These tasks are assigned to the school. She is charged with the promotion and formation of healthy lifestyle skills for children and the spiritual and moral education of students. And the latter are required to take care of maintaining and strengthening their health, striving for moral, spiritual and physical development and self-improvement ****.
It is logical that, as part of teaching a healthy lifestyle, they should not only be encouraged to go in for sports, do not smoke, do not use drugs and alcohol, but also teach elementary hygiene and the culture of sexual relations in order to maintain reproductive health. Perhaps some of today’s parents remember “Hygienic and Sexual Education” in the 8th grade and “Ethics and Psychology of Family Life” in the 9th and 10th. Then came the restructuring. These, admittedly, rather boring subjects were removed from the school curriculum in Russia, and new ones were developed in their place, which were barely introduced in the mid-90s, when they were immediately canceled due to protests from parents and the church. Since then, issues related to reproductive health and the prevention of HIV infection and other socially dangerous diseases have been considered casually only in the lessons of biology, the basics of life safety and physical culture.
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At the same time in Ukraine since 2001 from 1st to 9th grade the obligatory subject “Fundamentals of Health” has been studied. The lessons discuss not only issues of general hygiene, the importance of playing sports, adherence to the daily routine and proper nutrition, safety on the road and in public places, but also the psychology of adolescents, issues of their physical and psychosexual development, gender and gender, friendship and love, fidelity and creating a family, preventing and preventing violence, including sexual violence, sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancies, combating discrimination and tolerant attitude. As you can see, “pistils and stamens” do not occupy the most important place in this serious conversation about values and attitudes.
Support from parents
Not all parents support the idea of sex education in school. This is way too serious. Not every teacher can do it. And if these lessons provoke an increased interest in sex and a desire to try? Parents expect from the school, first of all, knowledge that will allow the child to pass the exam well and enter the university. Therefore, high school students are mainly prepared for this. There is no place for “life skills” in the dense grid of lessons and extracurricular activities. And why? “… To have children, who lacked intelligence?” So school is easier. Not every teacher is ready to talk with students about responsibility for themselves and for the one they love…
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- How to talk to teenagers about sex?
However, for the successful teaching of mandatory preventive subjects (“Fundamentals of Health”, “Healthy Lifestyle”) or conducting appropriate extracurricular activities, both the professionalism of teachers and support from parents are very important. To do this, the school must familiarize parents in advance with the content of the relevant subject or optional course. Look at the textbooks and manuals that your children will use, find out what issues will be discussed in the classroom. Don’t be alarmed if something seems premature or too revealing to you – children already know a lot more about “it” than you think from other sources. And it would be better if they were given the correct information at school.
**** Federal Law of December 29, 2012 No. 273-FZ “On Education in the Russian Federation”.
Life skills: thinking, communication, behavior
Life skills are the ability to adapt and practice positive behaviors that enable us to overcome the challenges of everyday life. Specifically, life skills include interpersonal skills and abilities that help people make informed decisions, think critically and creatively, communicate effectively, build healthy relationships, empathize, cope with life’s challenges, and lead healthy and productive lives. Life skills can be focused on personal actions or actions in relation to other people, as well as actions to change the environment in order to make it favorable and safe for health*.
* As defined by the World Health Organization, more details on the WHO website: who.int/school_youth_health/media/sch_skills4health_russian.pdf
The article was created specifically for the joint project PSYCHOLOGIES and the UNESCO Office in Moscow “Territory of TEENS: a guide for parents of adolescents.”
The information and materials contained in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of UNESCO. The authors are responsible for the information provided.