We are opening a new author’s rubric, in which psychologists from different areas will talk about the most pressing problems and suggest ways to solve them. Let’s start with sex education.
Problem
It is difficult for many to talk about the genitals, it is impossible even to pronounce their names aloud. First of all, this concerns the female organs. It all starts in childhood, with parents.
Example
I recently had a baby, so I participate in the forums of parents, I see how various issues are discussed. If a child develops a rash on the genitals, there is a difficulty. With boys, things are a little better: women write «rash on the scrotum» or «on the penis.» But girls’ mothers write «there» or «pisya». They try not to use the words «vulva», «labia», «clitoris», «vagina». And even this is progress compared to how things were ten years ago. Then the boys also had “cockerels” and “faucets”.
Explanation
Our attitude to our body is connected with how our parents treated it. Parents show and name different parts of the body: “Where is our nose?”, “That’s what Sasha’s ears are like!”. Parents calmly say: “Did you wash behind your ears?”, But say: “Did you wash your vulva?” they are not resolved. Those organs that are emotionally charged for the parent become just as charged for the child. Children are very sensitive to the state of the parent, and if the mother is worried, the child reads this attitude, and it seems to him that something is wrong with this part of his body. Or that something is wrong with him, since he has “something” that causes negative emotions in his mother.
In a family where there are children of different sexes, girls perceive this as the fact that the boys are all right, but they are not. The brother has a penis and a scrotum, ordinary organs that grow with him, and the girl has something inferior, childish, which is not known when it will become full-fledged, adult, and whether it will become. And an unconscious question arises: “What can I do with myself so as not to be such a problem?”
This problem has far-reaching implications. Women have pain and discomfort in the genitals, diseases occur. They find it hard to admit their sexuality. And adult men do not know the difference between the vagina and the vulva, they do not know about the existence of the clitoris. The situation is changing, but very slowly.
Recommendations
It’s worth starting with yourself. Check: can you talk about your genitals, name organs and their parts? What we can name causes us less anxiety than what we do not dare or do not know how to talk about. Educational books for children will help you find the right words, in which organs are depicted without naturalism. If you still do not dare to use some names, for example, “vulva”, use substitute words calmly: without subtexts and additional meanings, such as “shameful place”, “you can’t talk about this” … For a child, all his organs are equal and equal. With their help, he learns himself and the world. Therefore, one should not load the genitals of the child with adult (sexual) meanings — the child does not have them.